Don't Speak
by Crimson1
Summary: Gojyo and Goku make a pact to confess their feelings for Hakkai and Sanzo. Much is risked and even more is on the line. 39 and 58 abound. Please R&R!
1. One

DON'T SPEAK  
  
"So...hungry..." Goku whines, lying with his back on the bed and his head hanging limply off the side of the mattress.  
  
Gojyo has long since stopped replying to the younger man's grievances, lying on his side in the other bed, facing the window. There had been a succession of "Shuddup, you damn monkey!" and "If you're not asleep in the next five minutes, I'm gagging you and tying you to the bed!" along with a few more colorfully phrased insults.  
  
Now, however, Goku is almost certain his red-haired companion is asleep, but this knowledge does little to alleviate his hunger, his boredom, or the fact that he isn't even remotely tired. At least Hakkai makes an effort to humor him when sharing a room, and there is certainly no worry about keeping occupied with Sanzo around. Gojyo, too, is usually enough to rile Goku up, blessedly leaving him aching for a good night's sleep.

But not tonight.  
  
"Baka...ero kappa..." the young brunette grumbles, loudly enough that--should Gojyo still be awake--the choice titles could be easily heard by anyone in the room. Sadly, however, Gojyo doesn't stir.  
  
Huffing in resignation, Goku is about to give up on torturing his friend when something peculiar catches his eye from across the room.

The little Inn the Sanzo-ikkou has found themselves in is small and aged, without central air to keep things circulated, leaving their room unseasonably warm. Seeing no need for covers, Gojyo is conked out on top of them, fully exposed--though still fully clothed, of course--and sticking out of his back pocket is not a wallet or extra pack of cigarettes, but a small, leather-bound book.  
  
Sha Gojyo never reads. Even if he was bored senseless and thought to borrow one from Sanzo or Hakkai, he never would, short of wanting something firm to whack Goku over the head with. So...what could the little book be, peaking so temptingly out of that pocket as if beckoning Goku's small hands to snatch it up?  
  
Turning his head to get a better look, Goku twists on the bed, unbalancing himself until finally slipping and landing with a resounding thud on the hard, wooden floor. "Itai!" he cries through clenched teeth, hoping Gojyo's reputation for being such a sound sleeper will hold true.  
  
It does.  
  
Goku sighs gratefully and begins to crawl silently over the floorboards until reaching his companion's bed. He stretches out a hand with great caution, and holds his breath as his fingers grip the worn leather and swiftly pluck the book from confinement without even the smallest moan of discomfort erupting from the slumbering redhead.  
  
Easing into a cross-legged position on the floor, Goku eyes the book carefully, discovering no title or author printed anywhere on the spine or front cover. The book itself is barely the size of his hand, small enough to be carried like a wallet without anyone taking much notice. Unless one of those 'anyones' happens to be a very nosey, very bored monkey.  
  
Goku flips the cover open, discovering a childish though very legible script: Gojyo's distinctive handwriting. (It's a journal.) Goku surmises, rather proud of himself for finding it. After all, who would ever imagine Sha Gojyo as someone to keep a journal? (Man...he'd kill me if he caught me, but...there's no way I can pass up a chance like this.)  
  
Flipping to the end, Goku decides to start with the most recent entry:  
  
/I must write this everyday, but why the HELL did I agree to come along on this cursed crusade, anyway?! The damn bakazaru doesn't know when to shut up, and if that monk points his gun at me one more time, or hits me with that fan, I swear I'm going to murder both of them in their sleep! Who am I kidding, anyway? If it wasn't for Hakkai, I probably would have shot myself with Sanzo's gun during the first week./  
  
Flipping back to the beginning, Goku suddenly feels that he may not have chosen the best place to begin. Considering memories of the ride between the last town and this one are still fresh and not very pleasant in his memory, leaving that entry behind is a very sensible idea.  
  
Back at the front of the book, the first entry dates over three years ago, around the time Hakkai was first staying in Gojyo's house for recovery:  
  
/This is stupid. But if it will get that guy to quit bugging me about being a little more tense than I need to be, I guess I don't have anything to lose. How do I do this, anyway? Hi, my name is Sha Gojyo. I'm 19, with red hair and red eyes, and I'm about as tall as I am skinny. Thankfully, I'm not nearly as skinny as the twig taking up my bed right now. He looks the type to usually have at least a little more muscle to him, but who can blame him for being on the thin side after what he's been through, right? I live alone. Well, I did, before he showed up. I found him lying face down in the mud one rainy night, with his guts hanging out all over the ground. I put him back together, brought him home, and after waking up a little over a week ago, he's still here. He gave me this damn book as a thank you, but I don't see why. He says writing down my thoughts and feeling will help me deal with things I don't know how to face. I figure, if he's so smart, why didn't he do THAT instead of whatever shit he DID do. It doesn't matter, I guess. I'm sitting here worrying about him, and he's normally worrying about me, too, even though we barely know each other. He's napping now, otherwise I wouldn't even think of writing in this thing. Fuck. Hey, it felt pretty good to write that. Fuck. Fuck everything. Especially me. What am I doing taking care of this guy? He's turning my whole world upside down and I don't even care. I don't care. How can I care when he looks at me with those eyes and smiles the way he does--subtle, you know? Just sitting there he can look so beautiful.../  
  
Abruptly, Goku jerks his eyes up from the journal. What was that? Gojyo thinks Hakkai is beautiful? That's absurd. Granted, the pale brunette is strikingly handsome, but for Gojyo, a noted ladies man, to say so in such a...haunted way, it brings up questions and fears Goku never imagined he would have to entertain.  
  
No, it must be his imagination, the boy reasons, flipping a little further through the pages. Surely, a different entry will embellish on one of the redhead's many female conquests, and prove any other speculations wrong. Stopping at an entry dated after Hakkai had returned to live with Gojyo for good, Goku begins to read again:  
  
/God, I hate that monk. I hoped I'd never have to see him again after he brought Hakkai back, but he keeps popping up, asking us for favors and for help on these self-righteous missions. Who does he think he is? And that monkey-boy, Goku, whining every two minutes about food and daring to call me names when he's about two steps down on the evolution chain. I swear I'd never get through the day without Hakkai. He's still teaching in town, whenever we're not on one of Sanzo's escapades, and I'm still making the real money playing cards. I make enough for us both to live on, but I know he doesn't teach for the money. He's so good with those kids. It makes me wonder sometimes what he thinks of me. As far as he knows, I go out every night, play cards, rake in the cash, drink far more than my fill, spend half the night in some whore's bed, and then stumble home so he can nurse my hangover the next morning. Well, he might as well think that, since it's true. Mostly true. The women used to be true, but now that part's just an excuse. Wouldn't want him catching wind of who I'd really like to be sharing a bed with.../  
  
Slam. Goku isn't having very good luck proving himself wrong. But how can it be possible for Gojyo to...? No, it must be his imagination. That's all. Just coincidence and innuendos he's reading incorrectly. Yes, that HAS to be it.  
  
Opening the book once more and flipping further forward, Goku finds an entry dated a few weeks after their journey to the west began:  
  
/It's raining. I hate it when it rains. I used to love it. I remember running out into the backyard with Jien chasing me, and all the drops just melting down our backs as we splashed and played in the puddles. But I hate the rain now. Because he hates it. He told me all about why long before we set out west, and long before he was forced to fill Sanzo and Goku in on it, too. One rainy day he lost the love of his life and murdered a thousand youkai. He turned youkai himself, tried to rip his own guts out, and was brought back to life by yours truly. Quite a tale. But the tale gets better. I guess I was kind of like a knight in shining armor for him, saving him and giving him a second chance. And like in all good stories, this knight fell in love./  
  
Breath. Goku contemplates slamming the book shut again, or at least looking away and not reading the remainder of the entry, but he refrains from giving in to his anxieties, choosing instead to carry through with the passage and discover whatever truths are there for him to know:  
  
/Yeah, I love him. I love Hakkai. I can't count how many times I've written that in here, and I can't even imagine how many times I've thought it. Thought it and said nothing. Written it and said nothing. I'd blame it on the monk and kid, but even if they weren't here, I know I wouldn't confess. Who wants to have their heart broken, right? I'd rather keep dreaming. No one can crush your dreams but you, but your heart? Your heart can get kicked around to Hell and back, and I'm not brave enough to risk that./  
  
The entry ends seemingly empty and unfinished, leaving many others unread as Goku--book still open in his lap--takes a deep, comprehending breath and shakes his head in sorrow. "But...I don't get it."  
  
"You're not supposed to get it, you damn prick! That's why it's MY journal! Meaning you keep your piece of shit mitts off and mind your own fucking business!"  
  
Goku falls back flat to the floor as Gojyo--a most definitely awake Gojyo--looms above and snatches the journal from the younger man's lap. Shoving it back into its rightful place in his back pocket, the redhead throws himself onto the bed again without so much as a glare directed at Goku.  
  
Oh, he is seething, but he hadn't even LOOKED at Goku before returning his attention to the wall.  
  
"Gojyo...shit, I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have read it, but...damn. I don't have any excuses, okay. Just...please, don't hate me."  
  
Goku is on his feet by now, but Gojyo makes no indication he has any intention of moving. Right now, the kappa prefers the wall to the sight of Son Goku.  
  
"Aren't you gonna say anything? Yell at me or...or hit me...or...anything?"  
  
"Nothin' to say, ya damn chimp. Leave me alone."  
  
A brief hesitation and the feeling of just how serious his transgression truly is crosses Goku's mind, and he finds himself despising the cold, evenness of Gojyo's anger. Gojyo is the type to get pissed and act out to release it. He screams and punches and gets right in the your face. He doesn't turn away, bitterly biting back comments.  
  
Whatever damage Goku has caused, it is more serious than any he has ever inflicted upon his redhaired companion before.  
  
"I...crossed the line, huh? Majorly?"  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"You fuck off! I'm trying to apologize!"  
  
"You wanna make this up to me? Run to the kitchen and stick your head in the oven! To hell with it, do whatever you want, just leave me alone."  
  
As always, Goku's own anger flares...and wanes. He stands defeated, with all his fueled animosity sunken down to the pit of his stomach. With an audible sigh, Goku slumps back to bed and collapses on top of his sheets. He may not be the smartest of the bunch, but he knows when to choose his battles.  
  
Perhaps even better than he realizes.  
  
"Gojyo...just so you know...I don't think it's weird that you love him. It's not like we get a choice in that stuff, ya know? If we could choose, I'm sure you would have fallen for some curvy skirt a long time ago. And...let's just say I'd give almost anything to be in love with someone OTHER than the one I got stuck with. Sanzo never makes things easy."  
  
The air is instantly infused with a thick, electrified silence. Without even meaning to, Goku has made up for his betrayal in the only way he could have.  
  
Rolling onto his other side to face the young brunette, Gojyo scrutinizingly looks the monkey over, debating whether to take that final confession for what it seemed to be. Maybe the boy understands, after all. Maybe Gojyo doesn't have to furiously ignore the damn saru for the rest of their lives, either.  
  
"Goku...did you...mean that the way I think you did?" he asks, maintaining the sharpness to his tone should he decide the younger man is still deserving of his anger.  
  
Lying flat on his back, Goku tilts his head to meet Gojyo's stern gaze. "Like you didn't know." he says in reply, with a painfully forced smile. "Sanzo's the world to me. The sun...and the moon and the stars, too. So...yeah, I was pretty shocked with what I read, but I'd never condemn it. I know first hand what you must be going through."  
  
"Goku--"  
  
"And yeah, I know I screwed up by reading your private stuff, okay?"  
  
"Damn straight, ya did."  
  
"Then kill me in my sleep, why doncha? That's what you want, isn't it?"  
  
Gojyo starts. Often his entries are written out of anger or grief, rarely because he longs to impart some hilarious anecdote or memorable triumph. "Bakazaru..." he grumbles, pushing himself up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. "I was pissed when I wrote that, okay? You and the bouzu get under my skin A LOT, but that doesn't mean I don't want you around...some of the time."  
  
"Some of the time? Then how come ALL of the time you're telling me how much you wish I WASN'T around?"  
  
"Because you're a pain in the ass!"  
  
Goku huffs, crossing his arms, and stares up at the ceiling to avoid Gojyo's gaze.  
  
"BUT...sometimes...you're okay. And...when we get along...or fight an enemy together...or...talk about things that don't set us at each other's throats...I LIKE having you around. Really." Stressing that final admission, Gojyo appears to have overcome the last traces of his anger, and considering how much of a pushover Goku usually proves to be, his vague anger diminishes as well.  
  
"Really, really?"  
  
"Yes, really."  
  
"I'm sorry for reading your journal."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So...you really love Hakkai?"  
  
"You really love Sanzo?"  
  
Pushing himself up, Goku mirrors Gojyo by sitting on the edge of his bed. "More everyday." he states with passionate conviction. "Even when he hits me with that fan or shoots at me with that gun. Coz...every once in a while...he'll be ruffling my hair instead, or even giving me a small smile, and when he does that, suddenly everything seems worth it, ya know?"  
  
A corner of Gojyo's mouth twitches upwards into a half-grin. "Yeah, I know. For me, it's not that Hakkai's ever violent or cruel, it's when he wears that damn fake smile and actually thinks he can swindle me like everyone else. It's that he thinks he needs to that really hurts. But...when I catch one of his REAL smiles...yeah. Anything would be worth that."  
  
The pair shares a warm smile of their own, something they rarely--if ever--get to experience together, and they allow themselves to feel content knowing they share such a bond, instead of clinging to their usual bickering.  
  
So they're both in love with their best friend. So what?  
  
"I forgive you for reading my journal, saru. BUT...if you ever go snooping again, I swear--"  
  
"Don't worry." Goku cuts in, bowing his head with a shameful rush of color to his tanned cheeks. "I promise I won't let my boredom get the better of me. So...we're cool?"  
  
"Cool as two idiot's in an ice box. Though I think it's more like an oven in here."  
  
"You'd be cooler if you weren't always thinking those hentai thoughts, ero-kappa." Goku throws back, smirking with mischief as he easily switches gears.  
  
Gojyo smirks back at him. "At least I know what hentai thoughts are good for. When's the last time you got off, monkey-boy, or don't you know how to do that yet?"  
  
Point for Gojyo; Goku recoils into a mass of bright red embarrassment. "Shut up, you frickin' water sprite! That's just...gross!"  
  
"Don't tell me all that Buddhist shit is going to your head. When a man has urges, he's gotta do somethin' about 'em."  
  
Goku grimaces.  
  
"Fine. Can't imagine how you get by with so much pent-up sexual energy, though. No wonder you're always so eager to start a fight."  
  
Ungracefully sticking out his tongue, Goku retaliates half-heartedly, not in a way nearly bold enough to start any new arguments. The urge to toss himself into the fray is drowned out by a million other instincts leading him to think on an uncharacteristically mature line of thought. He doesn't angree with Gojyo's suggestion, but that idea--the dream of ANY form of intimacy--haunts him nearly as much as the promise of a good meal.  
  
Noticing Goku's apparent lack of interest and suddenly zoned-out expression, Gojyo's smile dwindles, and his defenses begin to claw their way back to the surface. "So...umm...we're agreed that neither one of us is gonna tell the others about this stuff, right? I won't tell Buddha-boy and you won't tell Hakkai. Right?"  
  
Goku's distant gaze does not return to focus, even as he speaks, caught somewhere between deep thought and the promise of that far-off dream. "I felt so alone when I realized I loved him." he begins ruefully, with a somber smile and eyes cast down to the floor. "I figured no one else would understand, and...that no matter what I did, it would never be enough to make him understand me. Now...I know I'm not the only one...but it just makes me feel lonelier, ya know, coz...coz I can't keep loving him like this...from so far away, without being able to tell him..."  
  
"Goku...don't you dare start freakin' out on me." Gojyo breaks in, as if dealing with a trigger-happy bomber about to blow the world sky high. "Yeah, I know the feeling, but it's either live with it, or do something about it, and that's up to you--no one else."  
  
Tilting his bent head upwards to meet the steady, crimson gaze across from him, Goku drinks in all the confidence those eyes are always filled to the brim with, and for the first time since realizing his feelings for a certain violet-eyed monk, he knows what he has to do.  
  
(It's up to me...)  
  
Gojyo blinks, and the next things he knows, Goku is standing in front of him, eyes sparkling with an almost eerie and dangerous determination.  
  
"No, we're not in agreement! We're making a pact, here and now!"  
  
Instinctively falling back, Gojyo holds his hands up in defense, trying to make sense of the monkey's sudden movement and change in temperament. "Whoa...back up there, squirt. What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"A pact between me and you. Before the end of this journey, we confess everything."  
  
"What!?!"  
  
"No, not by the end of the journey." Goku corrects, his golden eyes darting back and forth with the rush of ingenuity. "Who knows if we'll even make it to the west alive? I say we confess before the end of the week!"  
  
Had Gojyo been standing or sitting closer to the edge of the bed, he would have fallen straight away to the floor from shock. "Are you out of your mind!? There's no fucking way I'm risking losing my best friend!"  
  
"So you'd rather suffer, living side by side with him, knowing nothing will ever happen because you were too chicken to say anything?"  
  
"Hell yes!"  
  
Goku admonishes his friend with a loud "Che," something normally attributed to the kappa, actually, and crosses his arms in a way that makes him seem far more like a scolding tutor than a teenager. "I never took you for a coward, Gojyo. I've thought of you as an idiot, but not this much of one. I know I've been one, too, but I've only known I was in love for a year or so--you've had over three years! It's time both of us said something...before it's too late."  
  
Gojyo is all set to release a string of insults and reasons why the monkey is being a complete and utter madman, but dissention immediately dies on his already parted lips. He knows he would regret it his entire life if he never told Hakkai the truth, but the safer choice has always been HIS choice. Risking everything marks a man as reckless.  
  
Then again, never risking anything makes a man a fool.  
  
"If it's a pact...what are the terms?" Gojyo questions, choosing a tone that still leaves him open to refuse.  
  
Goku smiles his widest, monkey-grin, and bounds onto the bed to sit next to his companion. "We both swear to admit our feelings before the end of the week, and if we don't...we accept punishment. So...if YOU don't go through with it...hmmm...you have to give up smoking. Cold turkey."  
  
"Fuck that." Gojyo sneers, leaning back from Goku's close proximity.  
  
"Come on, it's a gross habit anyway."  
  
"If I have to give up cigs, your punishment has to match it. You have to...never eat more than Hakkai at one sitting."  
  
"Hakkai eats like a monk! A non-Sanzo monk!"  
  
"Fair trade or no deal, saru."  
  
An adorably youthful pout plays off Goku's lips, and he considers Gojyo's half of the terms as if greatly strained. Eventually, however, his faith in himself for being able to carry through with the pact outweighs his fear of being deprived of a good meal. Boldly extending his hand, he awaits Gojyo's agreement.  
  
Goku's hand may be a league away considering Gojyo's difficulty in reaching his own to meet it, but meet they do, and with a firm shake, two conflicting friends have sealed their fates--one way or another.  
  
"If this backfires, you little prick, I'm shaving your head and feeding you to Hakuryuu."  
  
"Same to you, kappa."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Hope you like this and thanks for reading. Please review and I'll do my best to keep pumping out chapters.  
  
Crim


	2. Two

The open road: miles and miles of red-tinted sands, blue sky above, sunshine, hardly any bugs to disturb the fresh air, and the soft purring of the jeep as it speeds along towards the next town. All is as it should be, save perhaps...the complete LACK of bickering between the pair in the back seat.  
  
"Ne, Gojyo, can you scoot over a bit? I need to stretch my legs a little."  
  
"Sure. Mind handing me a beer while you're shifting?"  
  
"Just a sec."  
  
In the rearview mirror, Hakkai watches with amused interest as Goku rummages in the back to find Gojyo a cold one, and can't help wondering if he got into the wrong jeep this morning. Strangest of all, Gojyo even says thank you when the monkey hands the beer over.  
  
Either one of them is dying and the other is being sympathetic, or it's the end of the world as he knows it.  
  
"Ano...Goku, Gojyo...you're being rather hospitable with one another today. Should Sanzo and I be worried?" Hakkai speaks lightly, with that ever-present smile and an audible laughter hovering beneath his tone.  
  
"Very funny." Gojyo sneers, tossing back a sizable swig of his drink. "Just because he's a saru doesn't mean we have to act like animals ALL the time."  
  
"Yeah!" Goku chimes in automatically, before registering the entirety of what Gojyo had said. "Hey, who you callin' a saru, you damn water sprite?!"  
  
Ah, the thrill of the hunt. "Better to be a water sprite than a filthy ape!" Gojyo replies, kicking Goku's feet viciously back to their original position near the door.  
  
Goku responds by purposefully knocking Gojyo's beer out of his hand, sending it flying out of the jeep before crashing to the dusty ground and disappearing behind them. "Oops, guess my hand slipped."  
  
"Why you little--!"  
  
Up in the front seat, Sanzo agonizingly begins to rub his temples, suddenly feeling a very nasty headache coming on. "You just HAD to say something." he accuses Hakkai, having so enjoyed the silence and occasional nicety that had been coming from the two in back only moments before.  
  
Oh well, it would have been wishful thinking to imagine such unfathomable peace remaining forever, let alone for more than 30 minutes.  
  
"They are NOT antennas! It's a style, ya frickin' gaki!"  
  
"Bite me, you perverted, old cockroach!"  
  
"Old!?!"  
  
"URUSAI!" Bang! Bang! Bang! "I am two seconds away from turning this quartet into a duo, and I WON'T feel bad about it! Now shut your mouths and sit still, or so help me I will starve you for a week." he threatens, pointing his gun at Goku. "And take all YOUR cigarette's for myself." he finishes, re-aiming at Gojyo, and glaring at both of them with a look that could easily do his gun's job for him.  
  
Sulking silently in the back, Goku and Gojyo avoid Sanzo's stares until the monk finally offers reprieve and puts his weapon away to return to his seat. Hakkai, having merrily witnessed the entire episode, merely chuckles, continuing down the road much less concerned now that things have settled into their familiar pattern.  
  
After a few minutes of forceful quiet, when it is certain Hakkai is looking ahead at the road and not watching his friends in the back, Gojyo lightly nudges Goku's foot with his. Goku turns, looking all too ready to start in again, but once their eyes meet, Gojyo winks conspiratorially, and realization dawns on Goku immediately. Offering a comprehending nod, the young brunette forgets the incident completely, understanding that the occasional argument is necessary in order to keep Sanzo and Hakkai from realizing they are up to something.  
  
Remembering to fight once in a while, even now that they have come to a certain truce, should be no trouble at all.  
  
"We're here." Hakkai comments leisurely, pulling over just outside this newest town's outskirts.  
  
The second everyone is out of the jeep, Hakuryuu immediately turns back into his dragon form, leaving their things to rest in a heap on the ground now that the trunk they had been in no longer exists.  
  
"Couldn't wait for us to get the stuff out first, could ya?" Gojyo complains to the fluttering, white dragon lingering above him, who replies with a cheerful "Kyuuu!" Gojyo shakes his head and smirks, lifting his bag over his shoulder and helping take one end of their cooler--Goku having reached for the other. "At least this place looks more lively than the last town." the kappa notes, considering the streets in front of them are bustling with people and there are numerous signs for Inns and Bars and Restaurants blinking at them for blocks ahead. " 'Bout time we found a real city instead of those backwater dives."  
  
"Don't get used to it." Sanzo warns, not bothering to grab any of their supplies himself as he puffs on a freshly lit cigarette. "This is the last non-backwater dive for a good couple of weeks, and we're leaving first thing tomorrow." The monk stalks ahead of them, striding quickly to find the closest Inn, regardless of there being better or more entertaining ones further down the street.

As Gojyo and Goku fall behind with the large load between them, the redhead grumbles in annoyance. "Thanks for spoiling the moment, bouzu."  
  
Hakkai laughs, easily carrying his own pack on one shoulder and Sanzo's on the other. "He just doesn't want you getting spoiled, that's all." the brunette mends, smiling at his friends as he walks beside them. "Besides, I'm sure you can find plenty to do here while we stay, regardless of us leaving in the morning. It's barely midday."  
  
Leave it to Hakkai to make things better, because he ALWAYS can.  
  
Curving his grimace up into a much more fitting grin, Gojyo admires his friend for as long as he can before the brunette has a chance to notice just how much he is looking him over. Observing this, Goku breaks into a grin of his own, but knows to say nothing. A deal's a deal, and the confessing part can be done by no one but themselves. That is, if they find the nerve to go through with it.  
  
As everyone knows, bad usually turns to worse, and if you're lucky, good turns to even better.  
  
"This is the biggest Inn in town and you only have two open rooms?" Sanzo gripes, glaring down the hotel clerk and feeling irritated almost to the point of using his Sanzo title as leverage.  
  
The young man behind the desk shrinks back. "I...I'm sorry, sir, but...there's nothing I can do. With the growing youkai attacks on smaller towns, more and more people have been moving here, and...without enough housing, many have been forced to move into the Inns until new homes can be built. We just don't have anywhere else to put you."  
  
As reasonable of a man as Sanzo can be, he has NO patience and NO tolerance for anything short of getting what he wants, but for once, he accepts the facts for what they are. "Fine. We'll take them. But they better be the best rooms we have ever stayed in, and you sure as hell better have a good restaurant."  
  
"Yes, sir!"  
  
Following the men carrying their things, Sanzo and Hakkai trail up the stairs, shadowed closely by the others. Before they can reach their rooms on the top floor, Goku nudges Gojyo in the side, giving him a meaningful nod.

They reach the top and come to the two doors leading to their rooms, but before Sanzo can instruct the bellboys on what things go where, Goku quickly speaks up.  
  
"Can I room with you, Sanzo?" he pleads, in a voice not quite nasal enough to be a true whine, so as to not annoy the monk any more than he has to. "Hakkai makes me study too much and Gojyo snores."  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"Now, Goku, I have been increasing your training lately for the good of the group." Hakkai puts in, since he rather enjoys showing Goku the ways of healing and treating wounds; his heart will always be that of a teacher. "If you'd like a break, though, I understand."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Sanzo points the bellboys in the correct directions. "Whatever, monkey. You better not talk all night."  
  
Repressing a triumphant grin, Goku turns back to Gojyo with a wink. So far so good.  
  
The two pairs settle their things into their rooms and then meet again in the hallway to discuss dinner and acquiring new supplies. Since this is the last large town they will be encountering for quite some time, stocking up makes very logical sense, and even Sanzo sees the merit in that argument as he whips his credit card out with only minimal protests.  
  
"The saru and I can handle shopping." Gojyo suggests casually, though Goku senses a slight urgency in the redhead's volunteering. "Why don't you two see about getting us in for a table at the restaurant in an hour or so. We should be back by then."  
  
"All right." Hakkai smiles, pleased with Gojyo's willingness to spend time with their youngest companion, despite his bafflement towards such an unexpected development.  
  
"Don't spend too much." Sanzo warns as he turns the card over to Gojyo's eager hands. "And no pleasure spending. Supplies and necessities only."  
  
"Meaning: pick you up an extra case of smokes, ne?"  
  
"And don't bother coming back if you forget."  
  
Gojyo smirks, slinking an arm around Sanzo's shoulders after pocketing the credit card. "So...when you say no PLEASURE spending...does that include porn and condoms, or are we just talking hard stuff?"  
  
"Gojyo..."  
  
"Coz I think a little porn could go a long way on the road. Besides, our wee little ape's gonna need some sex education before hitting puberty."  
  
"Fuck you. I'm 18, for crying out loud." Goku grumbles, pulling Gojyo away from the monk before Sanzo can retaliate, and before Goku's jealousy can become obvious enough for those nearby to pick up.  
  
"See you boys at dinner!" Gojyo calls as he is led down the stairs, with the sound of Sanzo's cursing and Hakkai's laughter following them all the way out the door.  
  
"Why do you always do that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hang on Sanzo like that."  
  
"Heh. You jealous?"  
  
"I'm being serious. Why do you do it?"  
  
Gojyo sighs loudly, kicking a random stone along the walkway as he and Goku continue along the streets to the shopping center in the middle of town. For the first few blocks Goku hadn't said a word, though Gojyo chatted endlessly about way more than the monkey ever wanted to know concerning the benefits of porn.  
  
Damn it, Gojyo thought, if he didn't have to think about something serious all of a sudden.  
  
"It's not like I'm honestly flirting with him or anything." he finally states in response to Goku's question. "I can barely stand him half the time. Besides, even if I WAS a fag, Sanzo'd be the last man I'd go for."  
  
Goku stops short, mouth hanging wide open in paralyzed shock. When Gojyo finally realizes the young brunette is no longer at his heels, he turns around, finding that exact image of a gapping monkey a good 10 yards behind him.  
  
The road they are on isn't quite as populated as most, but not wanting to attract any unwanted attention, Gojyo walks back instead of merely calling out. "What's with you?" he asks, once returning to Goku's side.  
  
Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Goku steadies himself with a few irregular breaths before speaking. "First off, don't use the word 'fag'--it's derogatory. And second, what do you mean if you WERE one. I thought you were in love with Hakkai?"  
  
Gojyo rolls his eyes. "I AM, but that doesn't mean I'm gay. And where'd a monkey like you learn the meaning of derogatory?"  
  
"Hakkai. And how can being in love with another man NOT mean your gay?"  
  
"Because...it just DOESN'T, okay?"  
  
Goku looks up at Gojyo with an expression that clearly states he isn't buying a word the kappa is saying.  
  
"Look..." Gojyo sighs, bending his head a little closer to Goku's to keep the conversation hushed. "I'm not attracted to guys. You have to be attracted to guys to be gay."  
  
"But Hakkai--"  
  
"Hakkai's different. Hakkai's...Hakkai." Gojyo cuts in, seemingly having thought about this very subject numerous times in the past. "I don't know how it's possible to be in love with another man and not be gay, but it just IS. I didn't fall in love with a gender. I fell in love with a person."  
  
Goku considers Gojyo's words very carefully, and eventually comes to the conclusion that the redhead makes a very convincing argument. Personally, he had always accepted the fact that he was gay because he loved Sanzo, but maybe the truth is...none of that matters.  
  
Why can't we just love someone and not put a label on it?  
  
"I think I understand." Goku smiles, before tugging on Gojyo's arm to get him to continue along the street. "Come on. We don't want to get sidetracked; Hakkai tossed me a list before we left."  
  
"Oh joy." Gojyo grumbles, but obeys regardless, kicking at the occasional pebble again until they at last reach the town square.  
  
Whether you come into the center gallery through one of the main streets or through one of the smaller side alleys like Gojyo and Goku makes little difference; once reaching the square, everything pulses together into a grand market brimming with shops and hurried people.  
  
"Oi, Goku? How long of a list are we talkin' about?"  
  
"Not too long, but...well...we better get started."  
  
Most of the item's on 'Mom's' shopping list were common, obvious buys that didn't take long to pick up, but every once in a while the pair would get stuck searching for something rare or in high-demand that seemed to take ages to track down, usually on items they personally could care less about having along for the journey.  
  
While conducting one such search for a particular brand of frying pan--their old one now having a monkey-shaped dent in it from an incident the week before--Goku suddenly remembers his suspicions towards Gojyo's eagerness in getting out of the hotel, even though the redhead had veiled his feelings with the usual charm and obscenities.  
  
"Ne...Gojyo?"  
  
"Mm?" the kappa grunts, half buried in the back of the kitchen supply store they have been in for the past 15 minutes.  
  
Goku abandons his own part of the search, regarding his friend with a whole new level of honesty after the many confessions they have shared. "I was just wondering...well...why did you want to get away from Hakkai and Sanzo so bad?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Well...you jumped at the chance to get out of there, and you gave me this freaked look when I convinced Sanzo to pair the rooms the way we wanted."  
  
Avoiding Goku's observation for a moment, Gojyo triumphantly discovers the required frying pan hanging on the wall nearby, and snatches it quickly, heading straight for the line up front in order to pay. "Listen...I just don't want you blurting out 'I love you, Sanzo!' during dinner." he says to the insistent monkey at his back. "I don't get how you can be so eager and confident when you're basically about to rip your own heart out, put it on your head, and say 'Go ahead, Sanzo, shoot!' I mean...we must be out of our minds."  
  
"So...you're backing out?"  
  
Gojyo reaches the end of the line and stiffens, contemplating Goku's hurt question for a good five minutes before finally turning around to face him. "I'm just...not so sure I'm ready to do this." he begins, burned by the brightness of those gold eyes staring up at him, almost to the point of having to look away. "I'm scared out of my mind, okay? This is moving too fast."  
  
Goku nods slowly and sighs, seemingly understanding the kappa's concerns. "Well, if you want to wait, I'm not gonna push you. You don't have to tell him by the end of the week if you really don't think you can."  
  
"Really?" Gojyo smiles, hardly believing Goku is being so forgiving.  
  
"Sure." the monkey replies. Then... "Just hand over your lighter and your smokes, and we can forget all about it."  
  
Gojyo's grin falls. "You little shit--"  
  
"Unless, of course, you want ME to tell Hakkai. After all, a deal's a deal, right?"  
  
Had there not been a good 100 people or more within range of witnessing, Gojyo would have ripped Goku a new one--verbally AND physically. But, being perceptive and tempered enough to hold back, he merely turns on his heels and growls. "I hate you."  
  
"Love you, too, Niisan." Goku chirps happily, slapping Gojyo hard on the back.  
  
Damn it if Gojyo just can't retain his anger; Goku is, after all, only trying to help his friend do what's best for him, and--though he would never admit it--Gojyo rather likes the sound of 'Niisan.'  
  
A few minutes of barely moving brings the line to the halfway mark, and the boys are getting rather anxious considering they are expected back at the hotel by 7 o'clock. Thank goodness the frying pan is the last thing on the list.  
  
"Ne...Gojyo?"  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Those guys over there are staring at you."  
  
Turning his eyes on the spot Goku has indicated, Gojyo's gaze focuses on a band of similarly dressed men out in the square, all of which are looking directly at him with not-so-friendly expressions.  
  
Best of all, a couple of them are heading in their direction.  
  
"Shit." Gojyo curses.  
  
"What is it? Do you know them?" Goku inquires, not liking the looks of them one bit.  
  
Gojyo almost wants to laugh. "More or less. I recognize the crest on their sleeves. They're mercenaries--the Akaanai. Must have come in with all the town's people moving here."  
  
"So why would they be interested in you?" Goku prompts further, eyeing the men coming closer and closer to them from across the square.  
  
"They have a reputation for targeting a very specific group of people."  
  
"Nani? You mean...youkai?"  
  
Gojyo grits his teeth. "More or less..."  
  
"Hey, you? Yeah, the half-breed. I think we need to talk."

tbc...  
  
A/N: I really like this chapter. Funny and fun to do. So, what are the boys going to do about the anti-taboo gang? You'll have to wait and see. And don't forget, they still have to confess eventually, or risk giving up their most cherished vices. Thanks for the reviews and keep it up. Ja!  
  
Crim


	3. Three

"I'm talking to YOU, freak. Yeah, with the red hair and eyes. We need to talk."  
  
Gojyo calmly sets the frying pan on top of the counter, followed by Sanzo's precious credit card. "Would you ring this up for me, honey?" he asks the young woman behind the register, addressing her with his most charming smile. "I have something to take care of for a minute, but I promise I'll be right back."  
  
"Hey, I said--"  
  
"Is there something we can help you with...gentlemen?" Gojyo smirks, meeting up with three of the Akaanai at the edge of the store's entrance, side by side with a rather indignant looking monkey.  
  
The apparent leader of these representatives eyes Goku critically, not judging him a threat merely by the appearance of his youth and small stature. "We have no quarrel with you, boy. Our only problem is with bastard, taboo-brats who some idiot parents actually allowed to live."  
  
Goku's fists clench, the knuckles cracking loudly. "The only bastards I see are you guys. And if you think I'm gonna let you harass my friend without getting involved, you're in for a world of pain, dickhead."  
  
Amused laughter erupts from Gojyo at the shocked expressions now plastered on the Akaanai's faces. Goku's insolence, along with Gojyo's obvious amusement, crush any and all reservations the three men may have had about attacking Gojyo in front of witnesses.  
  
Offering no warning other than a few cries of outrage, the three mercenaries unsheath their swords and charge at Goku and Gojyo head on. The well-trained pair easily sidestep such clumsy attacks, heading further out into the open square to avoid passerbys. Unfortunately, this decision brings them closer to the other 10 or so members of the Akaanai group who had been sitting at one of the nearby fountains.  
  
"Nyoibou!" Goku cries, simultaneous spinning around to swing his staff hard into the stomach of an approaching attacker. Gojyo, too, has summoned his shakujou and releases the deadly chain to send the blade singing past another pair of goons, just barely slicing the fabric of their uniforms.  
  
They are only human, after all, so Gojyo and Goku can't afford to hurt them without probable cause. That doesn't mean they can't have a little fun, though.  
  
Stepping casually out of the way of one of the Akaanai's swords, Gojyo scoffs at their foolish arrogance, finding this fight barely worthy of being called a workout, even with over a dozen men swarming around him and Goku.  
  
"Oi, saru! This is hardly worth breaking a sweat for, ne?" the redhead calls to his companion, ducking a series of blows from a handful of vengeful opponents. "Good thing it's only the two of us. If Sanzo and Hakkai were here it wouldn't even be a catfight."  
  
Goku smirks in agreement. "Narrow minds make for slow reflexes, ne?"  
  
Naturally, their exchange proves only to infuriate the Akaanai more. "Enough out of you!" the leader barks, charging at Goku from the side. The monkey grunts, but laughs the collision off, not even bothering to get out of the man's flimsy hold since the entire fight is such a joke.  
  
Townspeople and general bystanders hold back in amazement, awed at Goku and Gojyo's ability to take on so many enemies with such ease. Of course, ease and overconfidence often go together, especially when a fight seems to offer so little challenge.  
  
Making sure not to injure any of the Akaanai too badly, and avoiding any random person that might venture too near the fight, Gojyo is being relatively smart concerning his tactics, but he is also being a bit careless in his usage of shakujou.  
  
Before long, few if any of the still conscious Akaanai are willing to get near Gojyo's blade, and Goku is so busy laughing and tossing out curses, he is barely putting up a fight at all, still held halfway in the leader's grip.  
  
"Stop laughing, you little brat!" the leader barks, renewing his hold on Goku's shoulders before suddenly--  
  
"Guess they'll think twice before attacking the next poor, defenseless half-breed, eh, Goku?" Gojyo calls, with that same condescending grin, and spins around with a final release of shakujou's chain.  
  
Time stops.  
  
Thrown from the leader's hold, Goku stumbles and spins, facing Gojyo head on when he finally stops. He is not laughing now. Bad timing, cruel irony, foolish carelessness, or all of the above could never have predicted what has cut that laugh so suddenly short.  
  
Shakujou's blade released from Gojyo's hold just as Goku went flying, and though the redhead may have had time to pull it back, the impossibility of the moment froze him to the spot. Goku was thrown and spun, still with that smile for the briefest of moments, before Gojyo's own weapon...sliced across his throat...and all sound died, his boyish features thrown into a dire expression of shock.  
  
Blood is pouring from Goku's wound now, gushing in rivers to the ground before Gojyo can even register what he has done. Goku clasps his hands to his injured neck and staggers, Nyoibou clanking to the ground, and the monkey follows soon after, falling to his knees while staring across the courtyard at his dumbstruck friend.  
  
There is no sound save heavy breathing, Goku's gasps, and the tangible roar of the crowd's incomprehensive silence. The Akaanai who had been knocked out are revived and see the damage their attack has caused. They fall back, fleeing in whatever directions their cowardly legs can carry them. But the leader...the leader is not fast enough to escape.  
  
Gojyo's heart may have forgotten how to beat for a moment, the blood drained from his usually tan face, but now, with a howl that could rival any demon they have fought in the past--Seiten Taisei included--he whirls shakujou's chain one last time, stopping any hope for the leader's retreat.  
  
Vengeance? Oh, that it will not come to that...  
  
"Goku!" the kappa screams, sprinting to his fallen comrade who has since collapsed back onto the ground, still gasping and clutching at his throat. "Shit...fuck...oh gods, this is really bad, and damn Hakkai for being so far away!!" Gojyo rants, ripping off his headband and tearing it to form a makeshift bandage. "Stay calm, okay? Just...take your hands away for one sec, and I'll tie this around. Got it?"  
  
Goku's eyes are as wide as eyes can ever imagine being, and he is shaking too much for a nod to be perceivable, though he brings his hands down as he has been told. Gojyo can't keep himself from cringing at the deepness of the wound, blood gushing out profusely despite his haste in tightly tying his bandana around it.  
  
Flinching at the renewed pressure, Goku's eyes begin to dim.  
  
"No you don't!" Gojyo yells, lifting the boy into his arms. He has long forgotten the now retreated Akaanai, along with any and all townspeople swarming around them. "Don't you dare fall asleep. I'll get you to the hotel, I promise. Hakkai will know what to do." And he is off before the words have even finished leaving his lips.  
  
(Damn it all to hell! Damn it...please forgive me...)  
  
Missing the compassionate look in Goku's eyes, Gojyo runs ahead full speed, knocking anyone foolish enough to be in his way flat to the ground as he sprints down the streets back to their hotel. No, he does not see his friend's look of sympathy, nor does he understand how Goku would never even dream of blaming him.  
  
(It's all my fault...if he dies...dies without...without telling Sanzo...without really growing up, or...or getting shit-drunk for the hell of it...or getting laid for the fun of it...or...or hearing that damn monk say I love you back to him...oh gods, don't you fucking dare take him away! Not because of me...)  
  
The hinges on the front door of the hotel barely hold in place when Gojyo kicks it open, rushing inside without a thought towards anything but saving the friend in his arms. "HAKKAI!" he screams at the top of his already winded lungs. The young man behind the desk stands petrified, staring at the blood dripping to the floor from the soaked bandana around Goku's neck. "My friend with the monocle! Brown hair, green eyes! Where is he!?!" Gojyo demands, rushing up to the front desk.  
  
"I...I don't--"  
  
"Gojyo, what's going--" Hakkai begins, but immediately breaks off. The brunette has come rushing down the stair--having easily heard his name being screamed in the lobby--and pales stark white upon seeing why he has been summoned. "Oh...oh dear..."  
  
Not what Gojyo wanted to hear. "Stop gawking, damn it! He needs healing fast!" the kappa yells, meeting Hakkai in the middle of the lobby and setting Goku gently on the carpet. "It's only been about five minutes, but he's already lost a ton of blood. You gotta hurry."  
  
Hakkai doesn't need to be told twice. Dropping to his knees beside his panicking friend, he removes the headband from Goku's wound, undaunted by the severity of the cut, and places his hands to the younger man's neck. That familiar, white light pulses the moment those hands are in place, but it isn't long before it diminishes and Hakkai looks down again in worry.  
  
The wound is now a thin though jagged line, the bleeding stopped, but Goku's breathing is just as labored as it had been when Gojyo burst into the room, and he has long since passed out, unable to heed Gojyo's demand that he remain awake.  
  
"What's wrong? Why is there still a mark? Why didn't he wake up?" Gojyo asks Hakkai hurriedly, concern etched into the furrowed lines of his face.  
  
Hakkai's hand brushes back Goku's hair, feeling his forehead, the other moving to the boy's neck to check his pulse. "A cut to the jugular is a very serious injury, Gojyo. A moment longer and I may not have been able to save him at all. He needs blood. He needs a real doctor."  
  
"Call a doctor!!" Gojyo instantly screams at the desk clerk, grimacing a bit when he realizes the young man is already on the phone.  
  
The clerk hangs up and nods. "The best doctor in town lives only a few buildings down. He keeps a transfusion kit in his bag in case of emergencies. He'll be here any minute."  
  
"Thank you." Hakkai expresses gratefully, before returning his attention to Gojyo, who is shaking even more than Goku had been a few minutes before. "Are you all right?"  
  
Gojyo nods absently, his eyes still fixed on his unconscious friend.  
  
"You're a terrible liar." the brunette smiles, though it is an empty expression. "Don't worry. Goku's strong. He'll be okay." he comforts, slipping a hand onto Gojyo's shoulder and soothing it down the kappa's back. "I've never seen you this spooked before. What happened?"  
  
Gojyo wishes he could welcome his friend's tender touch, but at this simple question, he tenses and nearly shrugs it off. "...I...it was...we...there were these--"  
  
"What's with all the damn noise? Can't a guest get any peace and quiet in this shit town?" Sanzo's voice filters down the stairs, jarring Gojyo to the point of fully shaking off his friend's soothing strokes down his back, despite how much he may need them.  
  
Hakkai furrows his brow at being dismissed, but leaves it be, looking to the stairs to meet Sanzo's gaze when the monk finally comes into view. At first, all Sanzo can see is Hakkai and Gojyo hunched on the floor, but as he draws nearer, his eyes fall upon the still form of Goku between them and he stops dead.  
  
A chill he would never admit to feeling ripples down his back, and he has to hold his breath to keep from shuddering at the feel of it. His first thought is to rush forward, noticing the trail of blood from the entrance and the ugly mark across Goku's neck, but he holds himself back--holds himself in--because...what other choice does he have?  
  
"It's all right, Sanzo." Hakkai begins, taking the burden of speaking first off the others. "He was seriously injured and his pulse is weak, but a doctor is on the way. A little blood and some rest and I'm sure he'll make a complete recovery."  
  
Sanzo's eyes narrow, his lips a thin line, but he keeps his distance. "What kind of trouble did the bakazaru get into this time?" he grunts, veiling his extreme relief, though internally his breath had caught in his throat at the sight of his charge so broken and still.  
  
"Actually, Gojyo was just about to tell me."  
  
Finding relief in the carpet to avoid meeting Sanzo and Hakkai's gazes, Gojyo swallows back his words a moment, mustering the courage to begin again what had already seemed so impossible to speak aloud. "It was...an accident. We were in the square finishing up getting supplies, and...we were attacked."  
  
"By youkai?" Hakkai inquires, moving Goku as minimally as possible as he tries to readjust the monkey's position more comfortably.  
  
Gojyo almost wishes he could bite out his own tongue. "No. It was--"  
  
Suddenly, the front door--still swung open--directs their attention as someone knocks on it to alert them of their presence. To all of their disappointment, it is not the doctor, but appears to be an officer of the city.  
  
"Excuse me, but...are YOU the gentleman who was involved in the incident in the square just now?" he asks Gojyo, stepping inside and approaching slowly. He is young, but older than the ikkou, in his early 30's perhaps, and wears a uniform with a sword at his belt. "I need to clear a few things, I'm afraid."  
  
Standing as if about to meet the executioner's blade, Gojyo clenches his fists in hidden defiance. "Yeah, it was me. What of it?"  
  
"You killed a man."  
  
Though he tries to hide it, Hakkai's gasp is easily heard, and one can nearly hear the gears in his and Sanzo's head clicking into place in recognition.  
  
A man. He killed a human.  
  
"Look, if you're gonna arrest me--"  
  
"I'm not here to arrest you." the officer informs, holding back, though he has one hand on the hilt of his weapon out of habit. "There were a number of witnesses more than willing to say it was self-defense, but given the nature of how everything happened, I need to ask you a few questions for the record. I know this may seem fast, but with so many travelers in this town, we don't like to have any loose ends."  
  
"Hang on." Sanzo interrupts, folding his arms stiffly across his chest. "Given the nature? The man the kappa killed tried to kill our companion. What else is there to know?"  
  
From his spot on the floor beside Goku, Hakkai has been watching Gojyo very closely, and picks up the renewed tension that grips the redhead's shoulders upon Sanzo's words.

"The man your friend killed was not responsible for that boy's wound."  
  
The officer has completely lost Sanzo now, but Hakkai is beginning to realize the truth; what really happened is playing again and again in Gojyo's eyes, and those crimson irises are ones Hakkai knows better than anyone.  
  
As if Gojyo can feel Hakkai's recognition burning into him, he keeps his own gaze either on the officer or cast down. It is bad enough knowing what happened himself, let alone for his friends to realize the truth and condemn him for it.  
  
"Now, if you could just answer a few small questions, I'll be on my way."  
  
The others keep silent, eyes on Gojyo, as he painstakingly begins to speak. "Whatever. What do you need to know?"  
  
The officer reaches into a small pouch to retrieve a notebook and pencil. "Okay, your name, please?"  
  
"Sha Gojyo."  
  
"Age?"  
  
"22."  
  
"You are a...half-breed, correct?"  
  
"...yeah."  
  
"And...the members of the Akaanai group started the fight?"  
  
Hakkai's small gasp is heard once again; he knows that name as well as Gojyo does, and understands more clearly now how serious things could have become.  
  
"Yeah, they started it." Gojyo replies, shifting his feet anxiously, and allowing his gaze to fall upon Goku's still unmoving form more times than he would like.  
  
"One last thing." The officer explains, readying the inevitable axe. "Your friend's injury didn't come from one of the Akaanai's weapons; it came from yours. Is that correct?"  
  
The axe falls.  
  
Sanzo's instant shift in temperament is almost tangible enough to knock Gojyo to the floor, and he nearly stumbles forward, longing for nothing more than something to bury himself in, if only to avoid the shocked and disappointed looks on his companion's faces.  
  
"Sir, is it correct that you were the one who injured the boy, or isn't it?" the officer presses, apparently either not noticing or not caring that both Hakkai and Sanzo have turned very piercing gazes on Gojyo, and with the force of all three of them against him, the kappa is on the verge of imploding.  
  
"...yes..."  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Yes, damn it! It was me! My weapon! My fault! Are we done now?"  
  
The officer obediently puts his pad and pencil away, but gives Gojyo a measuring look. "Yes, that is all. But I hope you realize the only reason you're getting off easy is because the townspeople sympathize with what happened. I would advise you not to get in any more trouble during your stay. Good day, gentlemen."  
  
Hakkai watches the officer leave with clear disdain, his attention drawn away from Gojyo for the moment. "Nice of him to inquire about Goku's injury or ask if we had contacted a doctor, don't you think?" he mentions sarcastically.  
  
"Did someone say something about a doctor?"  
  
Mere seconds after the officer has escaped out the still open door, a kindly old man with a bag nearly the same size as him saunters in, smiling broadly to the entire room. He immediately notices that Gojyo is a wreck, Sanzo is glaring daggers in the redhead's direction, and Hakkai is completely flustered, crouched next to a heavily breathing, unconscious, young man.  
  
"Well, I've definitely found the right place." the doctor laughs lightly, waddling his way over to Goku and squatting down next to Hakkai. "This is the lad, I take it? Hmmm...nice closure. Are you a master with ki healing, young man?"  
  
"I do my best." Hakkai smiles. "Please, I think what he really needs is replenishment for the blood he lost."  
  
The doctor nods and gives Goku a quick inspection. "Good summation, my boy. We won't know how he's going to fare till we've patched him up right, I'm afraid, but I have high hopes for recovery. Can you help me carry him to his room? That would probably be best for the transfusion. Better than walking him back to my clinic, at any rate."  
  
Hakkai nods, but before he can move to lift Goku, Sanzo is suddenly behind him with a hand on his shoulder to pull him aside. "I'll do it. You find out how that idiot kappa managed to fuck up this bad. I don't have time to worry about you three getting yourselves hurt when I'm not around, and I have no tolerance for you being stupid enough to hurt each other. Hakkai, deal with him."  
  
The image of Sanzo carrying Goku carefully up the stairs presents an image far more tender and loving than it has any right to be. Sanzo is not tender or loving, and he certainly never directs such emotions towards Goku.  
  
The sight is almost as difficult to accept as Gojyo's lingering grief.  
  
"Gojyo...I don't know what to say." Hakkai begins, advancing on his friend, who has not moved or lifted his eyes since uttering those final, damning words. The clerk has long since disappeared, leaving them alone in the lobby, with the door finally closed after the doctor's entrance. "Are you going to tell me how this happened, or are you just going to stand there until Sanzo comes back and decides to put you out of your misery?"  
  
At this obvious challenge, Gojyo viciously whips around. "It's not that hard to figure out." he snaps, his fists clenched so tight, his nails are digging into the skin. "We were attacked. We fought. We got cocky. I unleashed shakujou just as Goku was thrown into its path, and now we have a half-dead monkey upstairs. MY carelessness. MY fault. If Sanzo wants to come back down here and shoot me, I fucking deserve it!"  
  
Hakkai is taken aback by his friend's harsh and self-hating words, any and all anger or disappointment he had been feeling lost in the obvious distress he is sensing from his dearest friend.  
  
Gojyo is shaking, from anger AND from deeply rooted shame. There is true fear in his eyes, and if Hakkai didn't know any better, he'd swear there were tears just behind, begging to fall.  
  
Closing the gap between them in a step, Hakkai gives no hesitation before firmly pulling Gojyo in against his chest and wrapping strong arms around the redhead's waist.  
  
Gojyo tenses. They may be friends, but comforting hugs aren't usually on the menu, even after the most grueling of battles or the most life-altering of revelations. Having absolutely no strength left with which to push the adamant man away, however, Gojyo finds himself succumbing easily to the embrace, and before he even realizes he has moved, his arms are wrapped around Hakkai in return.  
  
It's funny how good simple, human contact can feel when all you want is to jump off the nearest, tallest building and plummet to your ultimate death. Gojyo almost smirks at such a gruesome thought, not caring that being this vulnerable is making him feel weaker and more helpless than he has in many long years.  
  
Well, he wasn't caring at first...  
  
A drop of something wet suddenly falls from one of Gojyo's crimson eyes, and he starts, furious with himself. (Fuck...am I crying? This is too much.)  
  
Gojyo tries to pull away, but Hakkai holds firm, clinging to him all the more tightly. "Not yet." he commands, in a purely soothing tone of voice. "You need this."  
  
"I'm not a fucking 5 year old, Hakkai." Gojyo sniffles. Oh, gods, he just sniffled! "I...I don't need to be coddled, okay?"  
  
"Then how come my shoulder is getting wet?"  
  
"Ah, shit. That...that's just--"  
  
"Listen to me, Gojyo." Hakkai interrupts firmly, his mouth painfully close to Gojyo's ear as he speaks, and the reality of just how close their bodies are becomes more and more apparent with each moment--an aspect Gojyo is slightly less eager to be rid of. "All of us have had close calls, and we have forced ourselves to get through them without ever truly addressing our emotions. We can't do that this time. This time things are different. Goku is hurt--albeit unintentionally--because of you, not because of an enemy. Granted, we have faced Seiten Taisei before, but Goku really isn't himself when he's like that, so I hardly think it counts."  
  
Through the few tears that have managed to slip freely down his face, Gojyo finds himself suddenly laughing. "You overanalyze this shit, Hakkai."  
  
"Hmph, I hardly think I'm being overly analytical." Hakkai pouts. Or, at least, that's the expression Gojyo is imagining right now. "Are you going to be all right?" the brunette asks then, tightening his grip the smallest bit more.  
  
"I will be if you stop squeezing so damn hard."  
  
Repose broken. Hakkai chuckles, and at long last releases Gojyo from his hold. They try to share the laugh, as well as the resulting smiles, but find the moment becomes awkward rather quickly, and in no time at all there is a stifling silence encasing them like a low-hanging fog.  
  
(I've been waiting for a moment like this...) Gojyo muses, studying Hakkai's delicate features, the curve of his jawline, the way his hair falls into his eyes, contrasting with that perfect green--(Okay, I gotta stop this. So he hugged me. So what? It's just his maternal side showing. Now is not the time to start confessing my undying love.)  
  
"So...what's the probability of droopy-eyes shooting me if we go up to check on the monkey?" Gojyo questions with a customary smirk, easing the built up tension that Hakkai had seemingly missed completely.  
  
Of course, nothing seems capable of deterring that smile, so who can ever be sure?  
  
"I'd say the probability is pretty good, but we might as well risk it, ne?" Hakkai smiles back. "Are you sure you're all right?" The brunette awaits a reply with boundless patience, his emerald eyes sparkling. He looks beautiful, as always. So very beautiful.  
  
"I'm fine, Hakkai. Really. Let's go check on Goku, ne? We can worry about my problems some other time. Right now...I just want to know he's going to be okay."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Wow, that was a doozie, ne? Like? I hope so. Perhaps you weren't expecting such angst, but I never said this was going to be a comedy. There are many questions posed now. Will Sanzo show his concern to Goku when the monkey wakes up? Will Goku wake up at all, and if so, in what condition? Will Gojyo stay true to his word, or has he missed his chance? Does Hakkai have any idea what that hug really meant to Gojyo, and did it mean anything more to him? I could go on, but I'm really tired. PLEASE REVIEW minna! You've all been so helpful and wonderful so far, and I hope you continue to like this story. Ja!  
  
Crim


	4. Four

Time doesn't understand remorse; it ticks on regardless of how much more you may need of it. Brides remember fairly little of that perfect, irreplaceable day, and children lose so much of their first years, never to recover countless, young memories. Times of great sorrow, when you long most of all for just one more moment to get over something, are no exception. In fact, time is most unforgiving then, almost to the point of being truly cruel.  
  
Goku's transfusion went surprisingly well, better than the doctor expected, by far. The young brunette is not entirely in the clear, but a few days bed rest and he will be back to his old self in no time. The only bad news is that he won't be able to speak for quite a few weeks.  
  
"And how, exactly, is that bad news?" Sanzo had scoffed. Hakkai merely shook his head while the doctor laughed and Gojyo remained silent against the far wall.  
  
Things could almost give off the pretence of being normal, especially now that the doctor has left Goku under Hakkai's ever-vigilant care, but to those within the ikkou, any sense of normalcy seems lost without a certain annoying voice shattering their daily routines.  
  
Sanzo had inconspicuously remained by Goku's side till well past the doctor had left, until Hakkai finally had to literally drag him away in order for the monk to get something to eat. With marginally subdued glares, Sanzo had allowed Gojyo to take his place as watchman.  
  
Naturally, Sanzo insists that his anger is directed at the kappa's carelessness and not because he is worried about his charge's condition. Hakkai and Gojyo know better, but neither has the gall nor the fortitude to say so.  
  
So now, as Hakkai forces a few helpings of food down the blonde priest's throat, Gojyo is alone in the darkened room with a still unconscious Goku, fidgeting nervously over every small intake of breath and jerky movement that comes from the bed. It isn't all that late--barely 9 at night--but Gojyo is restless and still overwhelmed. To hell with Sanzo's bitter glances, but even Hakkai's warm embrace had not been enough to banish his feelings of guilt.  
  
A sudden moan from Goku snatches Gojyo's attention. The chair the redhead is sitting in is directly off the right side of the bed, so it takes barely a lean for Gojyo to be hovering above the figure beneath the sheets. Goku moans again, stretching his head back as he begins to awaken, which tugs on the still healing scar, springing his eyes open from the renewed pain. He searches above blindly, attempting to find focus, and at long last discovers Gojyo's face.  
  
Smiling weakly, he attempts to speak, something hoarse and very pained breaking free before he is forced to clutch at his wound in torturous realization.  
  
"Sorry, kid. Guess you won't be able to fling out any insults for a while." Gojyo begins with a forced half-smile, still leaning over the bed so Goku won't have to strain his neck to see him. "Doc says it'll be a few weeks, so you better get used to it. Course...I was hoping he'd say a few months, but one shouldn't ask the gods for too much, ne?"  
  
Goku offers a laugh--albeit a soundless laugh--and nods, not terribly surprised considering how deep the cut had been. Truth be told, he's lucky he will ever be able to speak again.  
  
Struck by a solution to this communication barrier, Goku taps Gojyo's arm to be sure the kappa is paying attention, and then makes a motion in the air as if he is writing on his palm. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what he wants. Gojyo looks around the room, at first unsuccessful in spotting what he means to find, but after opening a drawer from the table next to his chair, he discovers a pad and pencil and hands the items to Goku.  
  
For a few brief moments, Goku scribbles on one of the pages, and then holds it up for Gojyo to read. 'Are you okay?'  
  
Gojyo smiles and nods, holding out his arms as if to show Goku that there are no injuries or marks on his body.  
  
Goku returns to write again. 'I don't mean physically, stupid ero-kappa.' And he grins at the slight furrow of Gojyo's brow when the redhead reads that familiar pet-name.  
  
"I'm fine." Gojyo affirms, allowing his arms to hang limply between his legs as he leans forward with his elbows on his knees. "I'm not the one who nearly got killed by someone who's supposed to be a friend."  
  
Goku grimaces. 'Idiot. It wasn't your fault.' he writes, his indignancy showing through in the clumsiness of the letters and the darkness of the lead upon the paper.  
  
"Then whose was it? Sure looked like MY weapon from MY hands to me."  
  
'That guy threw me. You couldn't have known what would happen.'  
  
"It shouldn't have happened at all. If I had been paying better attention...it wouldn't have."  
  
Goku flips to the next page in the notebook, having had written too large for any more to fit on the previous one. 'I don't blame you, so don't blame yourself.' He shows this to Gojyo and then goes back to add more. 'If you keep blaming yourself, I'm going to have to shave your head, and then you won't look pretty for Hakkai anymore.'  
  
Though Goku smiles broadly in presenting this section to Gojyo, the kappa's face instantly falls upon reading the final part. Goku notices this and reaches out to touch Gojyo's arm again, not needing words to express his concern.  
  
Gojyo has long since come to a difficult resolve, and he knew from the moment he made it that this moment wasn't going to make it any easier.  
  
"Don't be angry, okay?" he begins softly, causing Goku to look even more worried, though he has only just begun. "I can't do it. I can't. Not by the end of the week. Not any time soon. Especially not after...this. I feel like shit and I'm in no mood to feel worse when Hakkai turns me down."  
  
Goku moves to pick up the pad and pencil again, but Gojyo's firm hand holds his arm down.  
  
"You're right, I don't know for sure if he's going to reject me." the kappa admits, reading Goku's mind all too easily. "But it's a risk I'm not willing to take right now. I made that pact without thinking. To you, three years may seem like I've waited long enough, but for me, it was three years to think this over and realize I don't want to lose the only thing I've got going for me just because I'm selfish enough to want more."  
  
Wrenching his arm free, Goku defiantly takes up the pad again. 'Hakkai is not the only thing you've got going for you.' he scrawls out quickly, not even trying to hide how Gojyo's unthinking assumption has hurt him.  
  
Gojyo sighs, bogged down by yet another regret. "I didn't mean it like that. I know I have you, too. And...shit, even when we were still acting like mortal enemies I thought of you as my little brother. But Hakkai...he knows me better than I will ever understand myself. And I can't even be that for him. Sanzo fits that bill better than I ever could."  
  
There is a part of Goku that longs very dearly to be able to deny that observation, but he knows he would be lying to himself if he tried. The same goes for him and Sanzo; Hakkai understands the monk best out of all of them. They share a bond in the rain and in base-personality that he and Gojyo can never duplicate. But isn't that true of all the world's closest friendships? Does that have to mean that he and Gojyo are undeserving of their hearts' desires?  
  
Not this life, it doesn't. Not any life.  
  
'Don't give up because you're afraid.' Goku writes, more contemplative now than angry.  
  
"I'm not backing out cuz I'm afraid." Gojyo sighs. "I'm being smart. This doesn't mean I won't ever balls up and tell him someday, just that...I can't right now. And don't worry." he adds, with a sideways smirk. "I haven't forgotten what this is gonna cost me."  
  
Watching dumbstruck from the bed, Goku follows Gojyo's movements over to the table in the center of the room where his cigarettes lie. The redhead picks them up and then retrieves the small wastebasket in the corner before returning to stand where Goku can more clearly see him.  
  
Gojyo grins wider, and with quiet resolution, tosses the pack into the garbage.  
  
For the longest time, Goku cannot return that carefree expression, and when he finally does smile up at his friend in recognition of such a brave and faithful act, it is painfully obvious that the expression reaches no further than the boy's barely upturned lips. Goku would much rather Gojyo continue smoking a pack or more a day till the end of time if it meant the kappa would confess the truth.  
  
The wastebasket is returned to its proper place in the corner and Gojyo saunters slowly back to the side of the bed, though he does not sit down again. "Don't look at me that way. I don't want to have to start telling you what I keep telling Hakkai: smile if you mean it, or don't smile at all. I know what you want of me, but you're just going to have to accept my choice, because--and this is the only time I will ever admit this--I'm not as strong as you are. Not when it comes to this."  
  
Goku seems to want to say something, or at least write something, in the hopes of changing his friend's mind, but even a monkey like him knows there is a point when you stop pushing.  
  
"Oh, and there's somethin' else you don't have to worry about." Gojyo adds, trying so hard to smile, though he himself had just been condemning the idea of forcing them. "You're exempt. I won't make you give up your precious, village-sized meals, since you obviously have a bit of a disadvantage right now in the confessing department. Just focus on recovering, okay?"  
  
Again, a million or more reasons for opposition rise forward in Goku's mind, but he holds his peace. Picking up the pad one final time, the young brunette writes slowly, now onto a fourth page in the small notepad. 'I won't wait forever, and neither should you. Promise me you will tell him SOON.'  
  
The large letters making up that final, pertinent word, drive home even more how desperate Goku is not only to not be alone in this fight, but for the happiness of his friend. Of his friends. Even if they are on a mission sent down by the Merciful Goddess herself, and even if she has spoken through Sanzo that they cannot afford to be distracted by ties to each other, who is to say it would have to be a distraction at all?  
  
Isn't the real distraction having to think about those many 'what ifs?'?  
  
"Hey, I'm a no good, rotten gambler, remember?" Gojyo smirks, which fits on his face far better than any forced smile. "A gambler's gotta gamble, and one of these days I'll get up the nerve to go in for that once in a million pot. Promise." After receiving Goku's hesitant acceptance of that hopeful oath, Gojyo begins moving towards the door. "I'm gonna go let the others know you're up. One of us will be back in to stay with you in a bit, okay?"  
  
Goku nods, but works quickly to write out another message. 'A short bit. I don't want to be alone too long.' He holds back at first before reluctantly showing Gojyo the notepad; admitting weakness isn't a norm he wants to fall into, but, then again, neither is loneliness.  
  
"You got it." And with a quick wave, the kappa is out the door, closing it carefully behind him.  
  
Gojyo sighs a shuddering, deep breath, falling gently forward so his forehead is pressed into the wood of the door he has just come through. The encounter certainly could have been worse. After all, Goku doesn't blame him in the least. But he did seem rather disappointed in Gojyo's decision not to confess.  
  
Damn. The kappa could really use a cigarette about now, made known to him by the insistent pounding in his head. It has only been a few hours, but for a chain-smoker like him, it is already more than enough to remind him of his addiction. That's what he gets for being so self-sacrificing, he concludes. It is the least of what he deserves.  
  
"How's he doing?"  
  
Gojyo spins around at this intruding voice, nearly unbalancing his footing and sending himself backwards to slam into the door. "Hakkai!" he exclaims, smiling sheepishly at being caught in such melancholic thought. "Hey."  
  
The brunette smiles as always, standing only a foot or so from Gojyo's stance near the door, and waits patiently for his friend to answer his question. It takes Gojyo a few too many pregnant pauses to remember that Hakkai has asked him one.  
  
"Oh." he covers lamely, scratching the back of his head. "He woke up finally. Seems okay, too, besides the whole not-being-able-to-talk thing. Doesn't blame me at all, of course, the damn gaki."  
  
Hakkai chuckles, forever more amused than annoyed with his friend's occasional tendency for scattered thoughts. "How insensitive of him." he teases.  
  
"Oh, shuddup."  
  
They share the laugh this time, and the pause that lingers a moment after the laughter has died, is--at first--not awkward at all, but familiar and relaxed. They have lived together for many years now, and there is a certain comfort in silence when you are with someone whom you do not need words to communicate with.  
  
Nevertheless, Gojyo has never been the type to favor casual silence, and for him, awkwardness filters back into the moment more and more the longer he looks into those emeralds.  
  
Hakkai does not sense the separating gap growing between them, but Gojyo is overwhelmed due to his own decision to wait...and wait...and in waiting drive himself mad with the idea of losing something he never even tried to own.  
  
"How's the monk?" he inquires, taking note of Sanzo's absence and clinging to anything that can keep him from thinking too much.  
  
"Less homicidal." Hakkai humors. "He's speaking with the owner right now; wants to be certain the Akaanai won't be a lingering threat."  
  
Gojyo huffs in contempt. "They weren't a threat to begin with, fucked-up purists."  
  
This angry offhandedness unsettles Hakkai, for his friend's sake, if nothing else, and his brow furrows. "Don't dismiss them so easily. Remember that run in we had with them during our first year together? They would have hung you right there in the yard if I hadn't come home early."  
  
Gojyo flinches at the reminder, despite how the phrase 'our first year together' brings him back to his previous line of thought. "They caught me off guard." he growls, returning his mind to attention. "Besides, I didn't see any familiar faces, so we must be dealing with a different branch. Even the guys _we_ faced weren't all that hard to deal with, as long as they're not whacking you over the head from behind, that is."  
  
A thin smile. "All the same, please take this more seriously. For my sake." Hakkai implores, his emerald eyes flashing with concern and honest caring. "Misdirected passion always has the potential for becoming a threat."  
  
The possible connotations in that final line give Gojyo pause.

"Whether they are indeed a threat or not, I believe Sanzo is doing us all a favor in focusing his distress on a deserving enemy rather than picking a fight with you." Hakkai continues, having--yet again--completely missed the wave of reproach that has just passed over his friend. "What happened is, after all, NOT your fault."  
  
Still shaken by so many varying impressions and feelings towards Hakkai right now, Gojyo shrugs with indifferent agreement, and moves to slip past the man so stiffly standing in his way to the stairs. He would rather not discuss this anymore. He would rather not be anywhere NEAR Cho Hakkai.  
  
Before Gojyo can get completely passed him, however, Hakkai stops the redhead with a firm but gentle grip on his shoulder. As he had done not long before, Hakkai once again strokes down his friend's back--a gesture worth more than he realizes. "This has been hard on you. It doesn't take a scholar to see that. I hope you know you can always come to me if you need to talk."  
  
Gojyo coldly shrugs off that too soothing touch. "What for? It's not as if you ever come to me."  
  
Gojyo's tone is biting. He wants desperately to distance himself now, because if Hakkai somehow DOES know about his feelings, the brunette refuses to show it directly, and that in itself is enough to make Gojyo long for escape.  
  
Hakkai withdraws his now suspended hand, deeply hurt by Gojyo's harsh words.

The second Gojyo looks back into that pained face, he regrets ever saying them, but longs most for a reprieve from this encounter, even if it is only a temporary solution to a problem that can only get worse. "Forget it. I'm fine. Really. Don't worry so much, okay?"  
  
Not one to disappoint, Hakkai plasters on that fake smile, more obviously false than usual, and nods, abandoning his impulse to stop Gojyo from disappearing down the stairs. Gojyo does indeed dash away, mumbling about needing a midnight snack after sitting with Goku for so long, and Hakkai lets him go.  
  
He lets him go.  
  
(You hide yourself better than I ever could, my friend, despite how often you chastise me for doing so.) Hakkai muses with a certain ache, lingering his gaze on that retreating blur of blood-red. (You think I can read you as well as you read me, but I can't. You look past my smile and see _me_, but what do I have to look past? Why do you think you can't come to me with the truth...whatever it may be?)  
  
Hakkai's eyes drift down to his slender hands and he lifts them to study that familiar shape--those deadly tools. If the red he sees on them had come from having Gojyo's hair in their grasp, stroking through the strands, he wouldn't have minded at all. But the color, though similar, is not that cherished crimson, but his constant reminder of the blood he shed, forever staining him.  
  
Passion. Sin. Sin done in great passion. It is something he can never hope to outrun.  
  
(Even _you_ turn away from me...Gojyo...)  
  
-----  
  
Fuck. He could REALLY use a cigarette.  
  
Pacing back and forth in the lobby, his finger twitching for the familiar feel of springing his lighter to life, Gojyo is sure he has made some of the worst decisions in his life within the past 24 hours, and curses the person who ever invented the theory of living your life with no regrets.  
  
He regrets keeping that damn journal. He regrets ever having to room with Goku. He regrets making that foolhardy pact. He regrets not paying better attention during that fight. He regrets being noble and giving up his smokes willingly. He regrets...being unable to confess his true feelings for his best friend. And most of all, he regrets the pain he knows he has just caused that very man, though he sees no way to make things better. He sees no way to live without these regrets.  
  
Why had he been so careless and accusing with Hakkai? Because he expresses what he feels, and he feels silently betrayed. Betrayed by Hakkai for possibly knowing of Gojyo's feelings and doing nothing about it, and by his own heart for allowing those feelings to begin with.  
  
Nearly cursing aloud, Gojyo kicks the staircase's banister as hard as he can, which could have the potential for breaking his own toe if he isn't careful. But what does he care? Perhaps he can put the incident with Goku behind him since the others are all trying so hard to do so, but now that he has been forced to really analyze how empty he feels in his relationship with Hakkai, there is no escape.  
  
Not even through a smoke.  
  
"Ano...Sumimasen." calls a distant but all too near voice from the direction of the front door.  
  
Recognizing the voice as that of a young woman's, Gojyo composes himself quickly, and spins around to face her with his most charming smile--instinctively. "Hey there. Can I help you with something, sweetheart?"  
  
She is a lovely girl, not much younger than Gojyo, thought quite a bit shorter, with chin-length, light brown hair, sweeping bangs, and large, seafoam eyes. "Kombanwa." she smiles, taking a few steps forward. "You left this at the store." From behind her back she produces Sanzo's credit card. "And your supplies, too." she adds, offering his and Goku's overflowing bag.  
  
Gojyo accepts the items, realization and relief flooding in all at once. "Now I know why you look familiar; you're the girl from that kitchenware place." he grins, setting the bag down beside the banister and pocketing the credit card. "Thanks. Damn monk would have had my head if I'd lost his card."  
  
"It was no trouble." the girl dismisses. "I figured you probably had too much on your mind to remember. It was easy finding you, too. Just had to ask the street venders which direction a tall redhead carrying a young brunette sprinted to." Her light, airy voice flutters into a laugh, and they share a quiet moment before she grins to add, "I didn't charge you for the frying pan."  
  
Even a little out of practice, Gojyo would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to realize he is being flirted with. "My, my. That's awfully sweet of you."  
  
"It was the least I could do." she smiles back. "Those awful men and what they made you do to your friend--horrible! I saw everything. He isn't too badly hurt, is he?" she adds with deep, honest concern.  
  
Gojyo replies with a somewhat saddened shake of his head, trying hard not to lose his grip on this comforting distraction. "How'd I get so lucky, having a pretty thing like you offer such sweet sympathies?"  
  
She blushes. "He's okay then?"  
  
"He will be."  
  
"Well...I certainly hope it isn't just the two of you traveling together."  
  
"Nah." Gojyo corrects. "There's four of us all together, heading west."  
  
The girl seems to like this news. "Really? So, I guess...one of _them_ could stay with your friend...if...say...you had somewhere to go tonight?"  
  
Her words are staggeringly obvious, hinting with a sparkle in her eyes Gojyo hasn't seen directed at him in quite some time.  
  
Tossing a contemplative look back up the staircase, Gojyo is instantly affronted by flashing images of Hakkai: his smile, his dimples when it's real, his walk, the tilt of his head when he listens to you...  
  
But there is also his silence, his avoidance, his recoiling touch should the level of intimacy even brush the possibilities of something more than friendship and common courtesy. Those are the images, the realities, that stay with Gojyo as he turns from gazing up to look back at this lovely prospect with a grin.  
  
"Yeah...they could." he purrs, slinking an arm about her waist and leading her to the door. "Why don't we get out 'a here..."

tbc...  
  
A/N: I can just see you all, mouths agape, screaming "don't you dare let Gojyo go off and get laid with some random girl!!!" Well...I'm not saying a word. Sorry for the lack of Sanzo, but he will definitely be in the next part. I feel so sorry for Hakkai right now, but things are as they are. Thank you so much, reviewers! Especially NekoMegami-chan for reminding me of the credit card, stitcher2ficcer for taking note of the important relationship observations Gojyo makes in Part 2 (and for Awakenings, which rocks), and my good friend EmperessRose for taking the time to read yet another one of my many fics. Of course, I love all my reviewers, and please keep it up. Hope you enjoyed this most recent installment, and I'll do my best to write the next part ASAP. Ja!  
  
Crim


	5. Five

Fools. Half the world is riddled with them. No, more than half. Few humans or demons still roaming the earth have any sense left, as far as a certain droopy-eyed, blonde-haired monk is concerned. And, after all, his point of view is the only one that matters.  
  
(Idiot monkey.) he growls internally, glaring daggers in front of him as he walks. (Stupid cockroach.) The stairs are taken one at a time, slow and purposeful, as if he is either trying to calm himself down before reaching the top, or fuel his anger so high he explodes. (I can't believe how careless they can be...)  
  
And yet, there is worry in his internal monologue, despite his own inability to sense it. His eyes remain hardened and stern, refusing to betray any such emotions; it would take far more than stupidity and a near-fatal accident for him to express those true feelings, let alone recognize them within himself.  
  
Sanzo pauses at the top of the stairs, hand resting on the banister, his fingers clawing at the wood in unspoken frustration. Their rooms are just ahead of him, but he hesitates. It is quite likely Goku is awake now, especially since he saw Gojyo slipping out the front door a while back--with some unsuspecting young woman, of course.  
  
The thought forces Sanzo's lips to curve into a more obvious grimace. (Avoiding me, no doubt. Good. I'd hate to waste any bullets on such an easy target.)  
  
Pushing from the banister, Sanzo continues down the hall, more content now that he has refocused his intense emotions on his favorite scapegoat. Anything to keep him from thinking too long and hard on how worried he is...  
  
His and Goku's door opens, an amazingly graceful Hakkai slipping out and shutting it behind him. He does not see Sanzo as the monk draws near.  
  
"I'll take your tentativeness to mean the saru fell asleep." he begins gruffly, causing Hakkai to start--and then smile. "Unless...he hasn't woken up yet."  
  
"He has." Hakkai reassures, making sure not to seem as if he notices just how anxious Sanzo is. "And yes, he just fell asleep. Any rest is good rest--considering."  
  
Sanzo nods, again breathing that internal sigh of relief. Naturally, he doesn't actually NEED the saru around, or any of the others, for that matter, but it would be quite a nuisance if he had to face off against an entire army of youkai all by himself.  
  
Though Gojyo's hidden emotions often elude Hakkai, Sanzo proves to be quite easy to read, though he tries so hard to veil himself, especially from displaying anything resembling sympathy or compassion. Indeed, there is worry and relief behind those violet eyes.  
  
To those who know Sanzo best--even to the oblivious Gojyo and Goku--his true nature isn't all that hard to figure out. He cares for his friends, but he will never call them friends. He has vowed to never again feel for anyone so much it would kill him to lose them, and yet he already cares that much for the three young men accompanying him on this journey. They know, and perhaps he knows, too, but it is never said. Never admitted.  
  
"Gojyo spoke with him awhile." Hakkai mentions suddenly. Well, not really suddenly, only sudden in the fact that Sanzo had--for a moment--forgotten the brunette was there.  
  
"Nn. He can speak?"  
  
"Ano...no, the doctor was correct when he said it would be a few weeks for that. Gojyo talked and Goku wrote back his replies on a pad of paper. He did the same with me before falling asleep. It seems he is doing quite well."  
  
(Of course. I'll never be rid of that saru...) Sanzo thinks with a certain nostalgic peace more than irritability.  
  
"Sanzo..." Hakkai begins uncertainly, a slight tremor of apprehension entering his so recently calm and controlled tone of voice. "...have you...seen Gojyo around at all?"  
  
Sanzo folds his arms over his chest and rolls his eyes. "As if I care what that damn half-breed does." he scoffs. And then, acknowledging Hakkai's disappointed and worry-ridden eyes, he adds, "I saw him sneaking out the door with some girl on his arm. You know him. Better to drown his guilt in a stranger's bed than face it."  
  
As far as Sanzo is concerned, this news shouldn't surprise Hakkai at all considering what a lech their red-haired friend has always proven to be, but the flash of anger and resentment that passes swiftly over Hakkai's face does not go unnoticed.  
  
Hakkai immediately covers for himself, of course, smiling brightly. "Ah. Sou, ka? Well, then, I...I was just stepping out for a trip to the bathroom, but I can come back if you'd prefer _I_ stay with Goku tonight."  
  
The brunette is covering, all right, but Sanzo figures it isn't his business. "No. You need your sleep, too, and I know if you watch over the monkey you'll just end up staying awake all night. It's my room; I'll keep an eye on him." Sanzo takes a step towards the door, but hesitates. "You're going to make us stay a few days, aren't you?" he asks with a knowing frown.  
  
"That would be best." Hakkai affirms. "Goku needs at least a few days before he'll be well enough to travel. I imagine he will try to be up and about tomorrow already, but we must be sure he takes it easy. Even _his_ constitution has limitations."  
  
Sanzo nods, though he doesn't approve. Still, he won't argue; Hakkai knows best, being the designated mother of the group, and there is no point in pushing ahead if it will only make Goku's injuries worse. They should be in top condition before having to face any new enemies.  
  
With silent nods of goodnight, they separate, Hakkai heading down the hallway to his and Gojyo's room, and Sanzo slipping quietly inside his and Goku's.  
  
The room is dark, though not so much that Sanzo can't find his way around. The bed nearest the door is Goku's, and the younger man's brunette head is sticking up out of the covers, the monkey himself almost completely hidden, turned on his side in sleep. A tiny purring snore escapes him as he slumbers, quiet enough not to be too much of an annoyance, but definitely there.  
  
Sanzo represses a smile as he walks silently across the floor, finding incredible reassurance and peace in that all too familiar sound. Goku is all right. Goku will be okay. Goku hasn't been taken away from him as he feared...  
  
(Not like I care.) Sanzo clarifies, dismissing such kind and loving thoughts. (The bakazaru is nothing but a nuisance anyway.)  
  
Forgetting his own rebuke of Hakkai, Sanzo does not immediately go to bed, but sits down in the chair beside Goku's. The brunette is facing him, his closed eyes barely visible with the rest of him snuggled securely in the sheets. He appears strikingly small and young, though he is far more grown up than Sanzo cares to admit. Goku is not a little boy anymore, and hasn't been for quite some time.  
  
Sighing softly, Sanzo pulls out a cigarette and lights it quickly, knowing Goku won't be bothered by it since the monkey has lived with it for so long. His first drag is pure Heaven; he hasn't found the time to enjoy one since Goku and Gojyo's incident.  
  
He will have to remember to add that to his list of things to yell at them for.  
  
A few odd, strangled moans escape Goku's throat in sleep and he shifts, the covers falling away enough to reveal his face fully. Lying there, silent and relatively still, Sanzo can almost forget how damn frustrating the boy usually is, and allows that small smile he had so recently suppressed. A VERY small smile, so...what can it hurt?  
  
(Can't speak for at least a couple weeks? Now there's a blessing.) the monk internally smirks. (He's not so bad when he's quiet. Practically tolerable.)  
  
A couple puffs as he sits there, occasionally taking in the oddly sweet image of Goku sleeping, before darting his eyes away as if afraid to get caught doing something he shouldn't. After one such shameful glance away, Sanzo's eyes fall upon the desk near the bed and the small notepad on top of it.  
  
Hakkai had mentioned it, hadn't he? Goku's mode of communication. Curiosity perked, Sanzo reaches out and picks the pad up, looking down at the left open page filled with Goku's clumsy but clear writing.  
  
He reads. 'Thanks, but I'm getting tired again. I think I'm going to go to sleep.' A few spaces. 'Oyasumi, Hakkai.'  
  
Expected. But since Sanzo has no intention of calling it a night quite yet, he flips a page back to read more, if only to pass the time.  
  
'A little sore, but it could be worse.'  
  
'No, I told him I don't blame him, but you know how stubborn he is.'  
  
'Am not!'  
  
Sanzo's lost smile nearly twitches up again; he can easily imagine what Hakkai must have said to envoke THAT response. Hakkai would have naturally replied to the previous statement with, "You're a little stubborn yourself sometimes, Goku," while wearing a charming smile, of course.  
  
Sanzo turns the page to another.  
  
'I'm starving, but I can't even think about food with my throat like this.'  
  
'I could, too, starve! You don't know!'  
  
'It was an accident, but I still can't believe it happened.'  
  
Again.  
  
'Hey, Hakkai.'  
  
'Stop fussing, I'm fine!'  
  
'Where's Sanzo?'  
  
And again.  
  
'A short bit. I don't want to be alone too long.'  
  
And again.  
  
'Don't give up because you're afraid.'  
  
'I won't wait forever, and neither should you. Promise me you will tell him SOON.'  
  
Sanzo stops reading, turning to look down at Goku once more. What the hell are these two entries supposed to mean? They have to come from the conversation with Gojyo, since 'Hey, Hakkai,' comes a page or two later. But...what does Goku mean by, 'I won't wait forever...'?  
  
Not wanting to dwell on the matter, Sanzo closes the notepad and sets it back on top of the desk, plucking his cigarette from between his lips, and having to cross to the table in the middle of the room to snuff it out in the only available ashtray.  
  
A few more moans escape Goku's lips, and Sanzo turns back, studying that scrunched up face--most likely dreaming--and the bandages around a scar he is glad he doesn't have to look at. The blonde contemplates just going to bed, but finds himself back in that chair at Goku's side with a fresh cigarette, content to smoke with the occasional, brief glance tossed down at his slumbering charge.  
  
It isn't that he cares. He isn't worried or sentimental. He's just...sitting. And for now, that's enough.  
  
-----  
  
Hakkai hurriedly paces in his room, the lights off save a lamp between the beds. Cloaked in darkness, the deep emerald of his eyes shines eerily, flashing with each catch of the lamp's dim illumination. He is not dressed for bed. He can't even image surrendering to sleep right now.  
  
"Kyuu!" Hakuryuu calls, fluttering above Hakkai's head in distress, wondering what could possibly be bothering his master so much--especially on a night when it isn't raining.  
  
Stopping his frantic movements a moment to reach up and catch the dragon on his arm, Hakkai strokes under Hakuryuu's chin to soothe him. "I'm sorry. I'm upsetting you, aren't I? Really, I don't know why I'm acting like this. It's not as if he hasn't always been a bit of a skirt chaser."  
  
Yes, but when was the last time he actually caught one? Hakkai doesn't have an answer to that, and sets Hakuryuu down on the dragon's bed of pillowcases nestled under the window.  
  
"He can take care of himself. I shouldn't worry."  
  
(But I DO. So much. Where are you, Gojyo? Why did you go out without telling me? Why were you...so harsh?) Hakkai shakes his head. (Harsh with purpose. I deserved what you said. I told you long ago what befell me and...Kanan. Every last detail. But...since those confessions, when have I ever gone to you, my dearest friend?)  
  
Sighing dispiritedly, Hakkai crumbles into a sitting position on the end of his bed. He doesn't like the idea of heaping his problems onto others, though he is always the one telling others to come to him. What right does he have to do that? Especially when...he has, in the past, gone to someone OTHER than Gojyo.  
  
Sanzo.  
  
Could Gojyo be jealous of that understanding friendship? But why? It isn't as if Hakkai and Gojyo don't share their own irreplaceable bond.  
  
(So why do I hide so much from you? You've always been brutally honest with me...haven't you?) Sigh. Again. (Perhaps not. Perhaps my silence is what pushes you away. Into the arms of some woman who couldn't possibly deserve all you are.)  
  
Hakkai gives himself pause at that last thought. Who is he to decide who deserves his friend's affections? He is the one who merely smiles and brushes off concern thrown his way. He is the one who dismisses Gojyo's constant fussing over his well-being and peace of mind. He is the one...who is lonely tonight.  
  
"Have I missed some great secret, Hakuryuu?" he smiles meekly down at his pet, who is curled up in preparation to sleep. The dragon chirps. "You think so, too? What have I missed then? What is this secret between us driving him away and me mad? Has my blindness spread from this weak eye...or do I know the answer and merely refuse to see it...?"  
  
Hakuryuu chirps again, as if to agree with that assumption. Hakkai almost smiles at his pet's apparent intelligence, but his mind is still too assaulted to find much peace. Seeing no other options other than remaining restlessly awake, he begins to dress for bed, looking longingly--and often--to the door, hoping for his friend to at any moment come walking through it.  
  
-----  
  
Sanzo awakes with a start, half falling off his chair from abrupt shock. When had he fallen asleep? He can't remember. The clock on the far wall is at least two hours later than he last remembers it being. Oh, well. He stretches, gritting his teeth at the prominent crick in his back from drifting off in such an unforgiving chair.  
  
Nearly cursing, he considers adding this aggravation to his list of reasons to berate Gojyo and Goku once they are healthy and within yelling range. Content with this decision, Sanzo holds back a menacing smirk and turns to check on Goku in the bed.  
  
His heart stops dead in his chest. The half-smirk falls. Blood. Blood covering the sheets, soaking through them and dripping to the floor. Sanzo can't breathe. For a moment, he can't think or react. This isn't happening. This isn't real.  
  
Sanzo recaptures the moment and is instantly on his knees beside the bed. Goku is awake, eyes wide, clutching at the reopened wound on his throat. The bandage is still in place, but bled through, of no use now. He has lost far more blood than he had originally, and his face is riddled with pain, looking beseechingly to Sanzo now that the monk is at his side. Few sounds, if any, manage to escape the boy's injured throat; no wonder Sanzo hadn't heard him.

Damn him for not waking sooner! Damn him for falling asleep! Damn him...for being able to do nothing now. Nothing...  
  
"Goku!" he cries, his violet eyes wild with concern he couldn't even hope to suppress. "Stay calm. I'll get Hakkai. He'll close the wound, like before. It'll be okay." His own panicked tone startles him, but he pays no heed, rising swiftly to run for the other room and fetch the healer.  
  
Goku's weakened grip on his sleeve stops him and he risks a look back, knowing he should ignore it and run, rush for help, but those once bright, golden eyes that seem so dim and frightened now, beg him silently not to go.  
  
'Don't leave me, Sanzo. I need you.' As if the monk can hear the boy's own voice echoing through his head.  
  
Sanzo falters, not wanting to be the cause of any added grief rushing through Goku's veins. "I'll be back. We need Hakkai. You're...you've lost so much...I...I have to get him--"  
  
He cuts off as Goku's grip increases, a convulsion rushing through the boy's body and spasming him painfully. Sanzo curses at the pressure and at the image of Goku in such terrible agony. Those eyes are dimming more--dimmed to nothing. He has to go NOW.  
  
But he can't. Goku won't let go. The young brunette stares up at him, pleading some silent cry, agonized more by words he knows he cannot say than by the pain in his wound and the staggering loss of blood. His mouth opens and closes a dozen times, a dozen lost phrases left unspoken.  
  
"I know. I know..." Sanzo soothes, smoothing the hair from Goku's face as he crouches down once more beside the bed. "That's why you can't die. You can't die. You can't...leave me..." His voice breaks, and if his heart wasn't breaking with it he would have despised himself for such weakness.  
  
But he was already weak. He was already broken. He had long ago betrayed his own vow and lost himself within those eyes. Those golden sparks of light so nearly out...  
  
Goku's tears mingle with the blood still freely spilling onto the covers, onto Sanzo's hands and arms and clothing. How he longs to speak the words he has held inside all these years, but the words cannot be spoken. Not anymore.  
  
Barely a moment passes...before all light in those eyes goes out.  
  
And Sanzo's heart stops again, his breath stilled, the moment paused in the wrenching realization of this impossible loss. Too fast. He has lost him too fast and there is no going back. He hadn't said anything. He hadn't resolved anything. Goku is gone. Lost because he couldn't save him. Just like before...  
  
"No..." Sanzo breathes, the sound barely leaving his disbelieving lips. "Goku...? Wake up, baka. I'll get Hakkai, and...you'll be fine. You have to be. Please..." His voice cracks again, despite how hard he is trying to keep himself composed in this--unfeeling.  
  
Fuck it! How can he be unfeeling? How can he believe he ever was when it came to Goku?  
  
Pulling the boy's stiff and still body to his chest, Sanzo cradles Goku close, still not believing, unwilling to accept he must again feel that same aching loss as he experienced with his master so many years past. He rocks, the already cold body pressed against him, and though no sob escapes his lips, tears stream down silently, mingling with the fading scent of Goku's hair.  
  
"Don't leave me...you can't leave me...I need you...I need you..."

---  
  
"I need you..." Sanzo mumbles in his sleep, not loud or articulate enough within slumber to be heard or understood by anyone nearby. Still, the words slip out, and a moment later, his eyes flash open in panic. He is breathing heavily, those eyes darting every which way as he focuses on his surroundings...and realizes it had all been just a dream.  
  
A dream. Only a dream. Sanzo finds himself collapsing back in the chair, slowly sighing his breathing back to normal, and carefully looks down at his clothes, his arms, his hands, discovering them completely clean and devoid of any traces of blood.  
  
Goku's blood...  
  
Like lightning on one of those unforgiving, rainy nights, Sanzo jolts to the edge of his chair and turns to place all his worried attention on the bed. Not a drop of blood there either. Only a very living Goku, who--coincidentally--is also wide awake, staring at Sanzo in confusion and a little worry of his own.  
  
Sanzo's first thought is to fall down beside the bed and embrace the bewildered boy; he is beyond relieved that the dream isn't real. But even in this state of flushed anxiety, Sanzo remembers his mask, and instead, drops slowly beside the bed, wearing an expression of complete impassiveness as he reaches out to tangle his fingers in Goku's hair.  
  
"You okay?" he asks shortly, making certain he has swallowed back the desperation that had shown in his voice in the dream.  
  
Goku nods, his brow still knitted tightly in wonder and worry. He looks rather rumpled, as if he has only just woken up. Sanzo must have called out in his sleep and disturbed the boy's own pleasant dreaming.  
  
Amazed that the monk's hand is remaining nestled in his wild, brunette strands, Goku finds the courage to reach out and touch Sanzo's cheek, finding rare wetness that glistens on his fingers when he pulls his hand back.  
  
In turn, Sanzo reaches his unoccupied hand to the damp skin Goku has just pulled away from. Of course. How could he NOT have shed real tears after a dream so real and so...unbearable?  
  
Goku doesn't understand; the monkey has rarely--if ever--seen tears in Sanzo's eyes, let alone clinging to his pale face.  
  
The flustered monk clears his throat awkwardly, pulling in both hands to wipe away those brave tears in a single, parallel motion. He rubs his hands together then, trying in vain to rub away the dampness left on his skin.  
  
Goku touches Sanzo's arm lightly to regain the blonde's attention, and gestures to the pad now sitting closed on the nearby table. Sanzo hesitates in fetching it; if he refuses he won't have to answer any of the monkey's questions. And they will most definitely be questions he does not yet know how to answer.  
  
"Not right now." Sanzo decides, forcing himself back to his senses. "You need to sleep. I won't be held up here all week because of your ignorance in proper recovery." he adds sharply--almost sharply.  
  
But Goku is not one to give up, and sees no need for the pad if Sanzo refuses to hand it over. He tugs on Sanzo's sleeve again to be sure he has the monk's attention, and then mouths, 'Dream?'  
  
Sanzo grimaces. "What of it?"  
  
A purposeful gesture to Sanzo's still reddened cheeks says more than enough.  
  
Sanzo is trapped, ensnared by those golden eyes, and finds himself forced to look down, anywhere but into them. "It was just a dream." he covers, having no intention of sharing the dream's contents with Goku. His eyes dart back up, and he sets his lips into a thin line before speaking again. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. Go to sleep already, bakazaru, or I'll knock you out to do it for you."  
  
Despite the threat, Goku smiles and settles back down into the covers. Sanzo helps pull the covers up in a cleverly underplayed way, as if he really isn't helping at all, and then stands, content enough now to retire to his own bed and rest.  
  
He opens his mouth to deliver his customary goodnight, "Make any noise and I'll kill you," but catches the absurdity in the phrase considering recent events, and offers a short nod instead, before moving away to begin getting himself ready for bed.  
  
Yet again, Sanzo feels himself tugged back by Goku's small hand on his sleeve. He turns, meeting those smiling eyes, and feels himself tense, remembering how they had looked with that precious life draining out of them.  
  
'Thank you.' Goku mouths, eyes already drooping back to sleep.  
  
"What for?"  
  
Goku yawns long and wide, and then nods towards the now vacated chair next to his bed.  
  
The monk releases a mock-indignant huff. "I don't know why I even put up with you." he growls, half-teasing. "Baka."  
  
Goku doesn't oppose the pet-name, but smiles back before succumbing to the sleep he had been snatched away from when woken by Sanzo's dreaming.  
  
(Baka...) Sanzo restates in his mind, turning towards his own bed and slowly peeling off his robes in preparation for sleep. (But maybe...the real baka is me...)  
  
-----  
  
It is past midnight. Almost 12:30 in the morning. But still, no Gojyo.  
  
(This is ridiculous. He isn't a child with a curfew. He is often out till all hours of the night. I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't be...)  
  
Jealous? No. Hakkai isn't quite to the point of admitting something as revealing as that.  
  
Lying awake in bed, the brunette blinks tiredly up at the dim ceiling. His monocle and headband have been set aside, and he is dressed in his black nightshirt and grey, cotton pants. He has been in bed for an hour or so now, eyes twitching to the clock again and again, unable to close and rest in sleep. The lights are all out, Hakuryuu is chirping blissfully in dragon dreamland, but Hakkai hangs on, waiting for the moment when Gojyo will be home.  
  
(This isn't home. Home was him and me and that tiny little house. Home was cigarette smoke in every room. Home was a game of cards when it rained with more sake than either of us should have finished in a night. Home was when...he no longer came back after a night of gambling with the smell of sex reeking off his skin....)  
  
Hakkai closes his eyes in remembrance, choosing not to take note of just how domestic his sentimentalities are. Oh yes, he can still remember that fowl, familiar smell. That smell of musk and sweat and sin. Nights with Gojyo coming home that way had ended long ago, within their first year as roommates.  
  
If Gojyo thinks Hakkai doesn't knows just how long it has been since he got laid, he doesn't know a thing.  
  
And while within those bitter thoughts, with his eyes clenched shut, Hakkai hears the door slowly creek open. At last, it is Gojyo. Hakkai knows this without a second thought. He knows his friend's presence better than he knows his own ki.  
  
The half-breed enters quietly, believing Hakkai to be asleep, and Hakkai keeps his eyes shut to sustain that belief, slowing his breath to a convincing rhythm. He, in turn, can hear Gojyo breathing, as well as the shuffle of clothing as he moves, and soon the kappa begins to get ready for bed as well. In hardly no time at all, headband, shirt, and pants land in a pile on the floor with a dull thud. Boots are kicked off, cotton pants for bed--much like Hakkai's, only black--are pulled on, and Gojyo is suddenly moving across the floor towards the beds.  
  
Hakkai's breath almost catches, sensing Gojyo so close. But at the risk of being caught feigning sleep, he dares a deeper breath, breathing in all he can of Gojyo's scent so near him as the redhead slips into the bed next to his.  
  
Alcohol. A lot of it. The smell of cigarette smoke, though muted, as if Gojyo had only been around it and hadn't enjoyed one himself. Perfume, a floral scent, most likely from the woman he had been with. And...  
  
And nothing. No musk. No exaggerated sweat. No sin.  
  
The relief Hakkai finds in this discovery is far more pulsing than it should be, and yet it is what it is. Gojyo spent his evening with a woman, but he did NOT spend the night with her. Hakkai doesn't dwell on the reasons behind such a curiosity; he is content enough to leave it be.  
  
But he still can't sleep. Judging from the irregular breaths that continue to drift from Gojyo's bed, the kappa can't either. Hakkai contemplates pretending to awaken, thus giving him leave to start a conversation, but dismisses the idea. To be honest, he doesn't want to talk with Gojyo. He is relieved, but still upset. Still unsure. Unsure of what, exactly, he doesn't know.  
  
Needless to say, neither redhead nor brunette slept much that night.

tbc...  
  
A/N: Now THAT was a dozey. Bet I had you all worried sick with the dream sequence, ne? You may also be disappointed Sanzo didn't express to the living Goku his affections, but revelations don't come in a night; give the boys time. As for Gojyo, you'll find out about his date next chapter, and as for Hakkai, his feelings are slowly rising to the surface even if he doesn't yet recognize them.  
  
Thanks so much reviewers, (Sorchafyre for such honest critisism and praise, and Am1-13th, yes, I AM a prophet :) ) and to everyone else, your support is one of the reasons I love this so much. I'll do my best to get to the next chapter soon. Love you all!  
  
Crim


	6. Six

To bare one's heart is not an easy matter. There are risks and complications you may never think of. There is heartache should your affections not be returned, and then resulting shame in having your feelings known to someone who would rather crush you beneath their boot than abide a kiss. And yet, through ages uncountable, people have confessed their love and continue to, despite the pain and torment that may follow. It is a risk. A gamble. It is the ultimate opportunity to let it ride and wait for that big, impossible payoff.  
  
Not everyone is a gambler, and there is no sin in taking your time, as long as you maintain your goals. Goku still plans to tell Sanzo of his feelings within the next few days, even if he has to write them out. As for a GOAL, right now his main concern is the rumbling in his stomach.  
  
Sanzo is still asleep--it is barely 7 in the morning, after all--so Goku moves stealthily, sliding out of bed and tip-toeing to the door. His throat aches, his head throbs, and his balance is still a bit off with such recent blood loss, but none of this deters him from his destination: the kitchen.  
  
Ever so softly, he pulls the door shut behind him with a light click as he enters the hallway...  
  
"Goku, what are you doing out of bed?"  
  
Crap.  
  
Deer. Headlights. That about sums up the famished boy's reaction to this sudden voice from behind him. He spins, wavering after moving so fast when he is still injured and in less than perfect condition, and is only semi-ready to face his accuser. Even at such an early hour, Mom has managed to catch him in the act.  
  
Hakkai raises a scolding eyebrow, waiting for an answer whether Goku has the faculties to give him one or not. In defeat, Goku decides on the truth and bashfully lowers his head while rubbing his protesting stomach. Naturally, Hakkai releases a light chuckle in response to this, never one to harshly reprimand members of the family without severe cause.  
  
"Of course. You didn't eat dinner last night, did you?"  
  
Goku shakes his head as vigorously as his remaining wooziness will allow.  
  
"Well, I suppose I can make you something, if you'd like. I'm sure they won't mind us borrowing the kitchen as long as someone responsible cleans up. Come on."  
  
Goku doesn't need to be told twice; he is beaming, his energy renewed as he hops happily alongside Hakkai down the hallway to the stairs. When they reach them, Hakkai switches the bag in his hand from one to the other so he can grasp the railing as he goes down. Goku hadn't noticed the bag until now. Also, despite the early hour, he realizes that Hakkai is already dressed for the day.  
  
Hoping to have all this explained, Goku tugs on Hakkai's shirt when they reach the bottom of the stairs and points questioningly to the bag.  
  
"Ah, yes. I did a little shopping." the monocled man replies, smiling brilliantly as always as he leads the way to the kitchen. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd hit the market when it opened. They were rather surprised to find a customer waiting; the sun was barely up."  
  
They reach the kitchen to discover it is blessedly empty. Hakkai turns on the light and steps in, setting his bag down on one of the tables inside. Goku follows eagerly and hops up onto one of its chairs.  
  
"Oh, almost forgot." Hakkai smiles wider, reaching into the bag. "I bought something for you, Goku. I thought it might be helpful." The taller brunette produces a small whiteboard with attached orange marker and a string for it to be worn like a necklace.  
  
If Goku still had his voice, he would have squealed in delight. Accepting it gratefully, he pulls it over his head and writes out a large, 'THANK YOU,' to Hakkai.  
  
Hakkai releases a pleased laugh at the letters' size, and then jokes, "You so enjoy expressing yourself, Goku, I figured it would be necessary to save on trees."  
  
Goku sticks out his tongue, but happily returns to fiddling with his new toy while Hakkai begins preparing him an early breakfast.  
  
Essentially, all kitchens everywhere are the same. Once you find one thing, the locations of everything else fall into place. Hakkai makes himself very easily at home in this kitchen, and in no time at all he is stirring up rice, eggs, and dumplings--enough to feed far more than one small boy. If that boy wasn't Son Goku, that is.  
  
The rising smell of deliciously cooking food unburies Goku from doodling so intensely on his pad, and he sniffs in anticipation at the simmering meal. Watching everything being stirred and flipped, he passes his gaze up--amazingly _away_ from the food for a moment--to discover very tired looking emerald eyes and a sluggish expression.  
  
Goku erases his pad with his sleeve to write Hakkai a note before poking the busy brunette in the arm. 'I can finish and then clean up myself if you want to go back to bed.'  
  
Mentally admonishing himself for allowing his fatigue to show through, Hakkai attempts to smile it off, so enjoying this simple distraction from all the many things that had kept him up the night before. "I don't mind. You really shouldn't be on your feet anyway. Besides, I...I'd rather NOT go back to bed, if it's all the same."  
  
There is desperation in that overly controlled tone. 'Did something happen?' Goku writes, gold eyes brimming with concern.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
A few quick moments as Goku replaces his statement. 'You seem sad.'  
  
Hakkai smiles kindly, more genuine than his previous smiles allowed, and reaches a free hand out to ruffle Goku's hair affectionately. "I've just been...thinking too much lately."  
  
'About Gojyo?' Goku writes impulsively, relishing that loving pat on his head, though not as much as he would have had the gesture come from a certain monk.  
  
Hakkai is stunned by Goku's assertion. "How did you...ano...why do you say that?"  
  
Realizing his possible folly, Goku quickly begins to devise a way out of this while still somewhat aiding Gojyo's cause. 'Did he do something?' he questions, keeping things as simple as possible.  
  
Hakkai ponders that a moment, stirring the rice a little more and then depositing the finished eggs onto a ready plate. He isn't sure how much he dares share with the boy. "Well...he went out with a woman last night."  
  
Goku is taken aback, and rightly so. After all, last he heard, Gojyo was still eventually going to confess a deeply rooted love for Hakkai. Why would he go out with some random woman only minutes after confirming that?  
  
"Nothing happened." Hakkai mends suddenly, taking note of Goku's shock. "I haven't talked with him about it...but I know. Not that it's any of my business." he adds, pulling up his rapidly crumbling emotional shields.  
  
It doesn't take a genius to read into Hakkai's blatant feelings on the matter; he is NOT happy Gojyo went out.  
  
Goku sees this discovery as a blessing in disguise, having to fight down an ardent grin, and is thrilled in his newly forming belief that Hakkai somehow already returns Gojyo's feelings. The pair is so close, so inseparable and comfortable in one another's constant company, Goku's mind had wondered about them romantically for quite some time before reading the truth in Gojyo's journal. Perhaps his speculations are even more well-founded than he thought...  
  
'You don't like when he goes off with girls, do you?' Goku writes, accepting the offered plate of eggs, though he refrains from digging in quite yet.  
  
Hakkai starts again, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in this conversation. "Well...it IS unfair of him to seduce women he will most likely never see again."  
  
Goku REALLY has to fight hard to quell his grin now. 'Would you rather he try and seduce someone he sees everyday?'  
  
A resounding crash signals that Goku will no longer be enjoying the dumplings. "Oh dear..." Hakkai laments, rushing to clean up the slight mess and tossing out apologies to Goku for his clumsiness.  
  
Only slightly disappointed in the loss of extra food, Goku at last allows his grin, believing his theories to be proving correct. When Hakkai stands back up, the dumplings tossed in the garbage and the floor wiped clean, Goku locks eyes with the older man, still waiting for an answer to his question.  
  
"Ano...silly Goku. You're teasing me, ne?" Hakkai says with a tremor, aided by an expression that begs for the boy's understanding and asks silently for the matter not to be pushed any further.  
  
Goku grins a very convincing, though misleading smile to assure Hakkai his comment had indeed been in jest, and the tension in the room dissipates. Goku eats, Hakkai simultaneously cleans up after him, and that common familiarity between close friends reigns stronger than what has been left unsaid.  
  
When Goku has finished and the kitchen somehow manages to look as it had when they arrived, Goku moves to head upstairs, but turns to look back questioningly from the doorway.  
  
Hakkai is still sitting at the table, planted to the spot. "I think I'll stay down here for awhile." the older brunette speaks softly--too soft, too weary for one so strong. "Unless, of course...you need help getting back up to bed?"  
  
Goku smiles and shakes his head, but lifts his new medium for communication to write one final note before taking his leave. 'Are you SURE you're okay?'  
  
As always, that persistent, plastic smile replies. "You should get some more rest, Goku. Don't worry about me."  
  
And damn it if the stupid ape doesn't listen.  
  
Plagued by his encounter with Hakkai, even on such a blessedly full stomach, Goku bounds up the stairs, far faster than someone in his condition should even entertain. Perhaps it was just his imagination; Hakkai was worried about Gojyo, didn't get much sleep, and...and what? What, short of an all out argument, would have driven Hakkai to such grief if not jealousy? And what of Gojyo going off with some random woman when he swore he would soon confess his true feelings for Hakkai?  
  
The whole thing leaves a very queer feeling in the pit of Goku's recently filled stomach. At this point, he isn't sure which end is up when it comes to Gojyo and Hakkai.  
  
Oh, wait...perhaps it isn't just his friends that have sent him into vertigo...  
  
Winded and weighted down by so many rapidly playing thoughts, Goku's fatigue gets the better of him, and he suddenly feels nauseously faint. He swoons, the ceiling and floor no longer holding enough distinction to keep him upright. He feels himself falling...falling...and suddenly landing almost gently against something firm and smooth, like leather...  
  
"Baka..." breathes a whisper beside his ear. Sanzo? It must be, Goku imagines, weightless as his limp body is lifted and held close within strong, encompassing arms. He cannot focus on the face above him, but the voice is surely Sanzo's. "I told you to stay in bed and recover, you fool monkey. If we're delayed here any longer because of you, I swear I will leave you behind."  
  
Definitely Sanzo.  
  
Goku protests to this remark with an indignant half-whimper from the back of his still injured throat, and attempts to struggle out of his guardian's hold, but he is still dizzy, and fails, his head falling heavily against Sanzo's chest.  
  
"Damn saru." Sanzo chides. "Your stomach got you out of bed, I bet. You better not have made a mess."  
  
As much as Goku would have liked to supply Sanzo with the truth, that Hakkai had made sure everything was neatly taken care of, he is too tired to explain. His quest for food had given him a boost of energy, but now that that need has been fulfilled, the full weariness of what he has been through reclaims his senses.  
  
Feeling the softness of his bed beneath as Sanzo sets him down, Goku is suddenly very happy he swooned. The feel of Sanzo's lingering hold, the way he hovers above Goku in helping him under the covers, the haze in his eyes in the darkness...Goku finds it all frightfully evocative.  
  
Sanzo pretends not to notice how those tired, golden eyes seem to regard him a little too closely. "Are you...sore or anything?" he asks offhandedly, standing up to put at least the semblance of more distance between them.  
  
Goku makes a face to indicate he is, but that it isn't a concern.  
  
"Stomach full and content?" the monk adds with a scolding sneer.  
  
A weary grin replies.  
  
And Sanzo almost catches his own mouth twitch, before defiantly suppressing it. "Bakazaru." he grunts. "Enjoy this pampering while you can. As soon as you're fit to travel, we're out of here. And once we leave, you and that cockroach better be damn sure nothing this stupid ever happens again."  
  
Goku's eyes regain a moment of focus in silent protest.  
  
"I don't care if it was an accident." Sanzo bites, reading Goku as easily as his memorized sutra--with sharp accuracy. "I don't have the time or the patience to worry about any of you. The mission is all that matters. Learn to take care of yourself or go the hell home."  
  
Now that is harsh. Here Goku lays, tired, helpless, and unable to speak up to defend himself, and Sanzo is still barking out threats and insults? Goku would have punched him if he'd had the strength, and he would have burst out crying if he'd had the courage.  
  
Needless to say, he does neither, but looks very hurt. Sanzo's words always carry a bit of poison, but this stings. It stings because Goku had believed for a fleeting moment that he was making progress even without confessing.  
  
Meanwhile, Sanzo is drawn into those indignant eyes, that childish pout. Normally, he wouldn't have given it a second thought, but then he remembers how lonely, how lost he would be, if those eyes and every angry expression was suddenly and forever...gone.  
  
Not that he cares...  
  
"Baka..." he whispers again, though whether he means the name for Goku or himself is up for debate. He reaches out and ruffles the boy's sleep-tangled hair, allowing his hand to remain lost in the strands for perhaps a second or two longer than need be. "Go to sleep." He commands, and then returns to that stiff chair beside the bed instead of returning to sleep himself.  
  
Goku almost tells Sanzo not to bother; the blonde needs his sleep, too. But to tell the truth, he rather likes having him so close. He rather likes...how Sanzo seems to like being there, too.  
  
-----  
  
Immersed in something other than bliss, the occupant left in the room next door lays helplessly awake in bed, having feigned sleep when Hakkai rose to leave earlier, and now bogged down by all the possible reasons for why his friend has gone out.  
  
(Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot!) Gojyo accuses--mainly directed at himself. (Up all night, practically, and for what? I didn't even _try_ to talk to him. I know he was awake, too. He can't swindle me like everyone else; I've known him too long. Just what the hell does he want from me? It's not like I betrayed anything by going out. Hakkai's not mine and I'm not his. But...why would he get up so damn early if he wasn't pissed at me? Urg! I'm the one who should be pissed! He knows how I feel. He has to. And he just lay there...ignoring me. I could have gotten laid last night, damn it, if I hadn't been thinking about him! But no, I just had to go and be...decent. Fuck.)  
  
What happened on Gojyo's fateful date? Not much out of the ordinary.  
  
That sweet, young girl from the kitchenware store led him out to a local bar for a drink, a bite to eat, friendly conversation, and a no-strings-attached offer to come up to her place when they were done. He went--how could he refuse--but in the end, he became tangled in strings he had forgotten existed...

---

Gojyo's grin is charmingly crooked, teasing and seductive as he lowers the young woman--Rika...something; he never did catch her family name--onto her bed and pins her with his weight, kissing a tingling trail down her neck. She whimpers softly, submissive under his expert touch, though she is no amateur, either. Boldly, she lifts his chin to crash her lips upon his, intensity simmering over their heated flesh.  
  
Yes, this is what Gojyo wants. If he can't have Hakkai, he will at least know this again--the friction and fire, the waves of rolling pleasure crashing down as her lips had crashed unto his.  
  
Fumbling to undo Gojyo's pants, Rika untucks his shirt with a tug, slipping one hand eagerly up his stomach over that smooth, tan skin, while the other finishes undoing his trousers. Gojyo, in turn, has one hand gripping her thigh, the girl's skirt now pulled up to her waist, with the other moving to cup the soft mounds of flesh beneath her blouse. Both react hotly to the dirty deeds being dealt them, and both continue to assault in return.  
  
Gojyo closes his eyes in carnal bliss a moment as the girl's small, cool hand slips inside his loosened pants to stroke down his inner thigh and along the grooves of his hips. It has been so long, he muses, striking down to deliver a few wet kisses to the skin under her collarbone and down between her still-covered breasts. It has been ages since he last discovered a willing partner, and at a time when he was willing to accept one.  
  
For so long he has thought only of Hakkai. Hakkai's eyes, and smile, and slender hands. The curve of his jaw and faint hew of pink in his pale cheeks. The possibility of a stolen kiss or inescapable touch...  
  
This fond reminiscing brings Gojyo out of his bliss, awakened by the gaping hole formed deep in his heart. He aches, he longs, and he is not fulfilled. Not by doing this. Not by adding yet another regret.  
  
Gently but firmly stopping her hands from claiming their final destination, Gojyo lifts himself to look down at the lovely woman beneath, so eager for him, and so disheveled now because of him.  
  
Her eyes flash with concern as he rolls away to sit on the edge of the bed. Fixing her disarrayed clothing and mussed hair, she soon joins him, and speaks in a tentative whisper. "Gojyo-san...what's wrong? Have I done something?"  
  
Damn her for being so sweet. Gojyo buries his face in his hands--ashamed. "It's not you. I shouldn't...I shouldn't be doing this. Shit...I feel like a cheating husband, for cryin' out loud."  
  
"You're married...?"  
  
"No! I'm just...just --"  
  
"Involved?"  
  
"More or less."  
  
Rika offers a small laugh, peering around to look Gojyo in the face when he lifts his head from his hands. "Then what are you doing here with me?"  
  
Gojyo sighs, smiling meekly back at her. "It's complicated."  
  
"Well then, it's a good thing you caught your mistake before we got too far. Love wouldn't be worth it if it wasn't complicated. Sounds like you need to get back to your friends."  
  
"You're not...upset?"  
  
"I'm a woman; of course I'm upset." she winks, nudging him playfully in the side. "But as a woman, I would never come between true love, not even for a face as pretty as yours."

---  
  
And so, Gojyo trudged his way back to the Inn, sexually unfulfilled but with a clear conscience. Of course, he hadn't been able to speak to Hakkai, and Hakkai had said nothing to him, so now, hours later, Gojyo begins to wonder if Hakkai really does know of his true feelings and simply doesn't want to deal with them.  
  
(Why else would he sulk all night and then just leave? Bakayarou!) Gojyo seethes, pushing up out of the bed and stomping his way to the door. (I can't take all this waiting around, wondering.) He reaches for the knob... (I'm going to find him, give him a damn strong piece of my mind, and--) ...and opens the door to discover the very person he had been ranting about.  
  
Hakkai--just about to enter as Gojyo had been about to leave. They stand facing off, one on either side of the doorway, staring into each other's eyes, both equally stunned into silence.

At long last, Gojyo stubbornly crosses his arms and begins to speak. "I was just coming to look for you. What, swear off sleeping now?"  
  
The quiet broken, Hakkai pushes past Gojyo into the room. "Goku needed something to eat. He never ate dinner."  
  
Gojyo is far from satisfied with that answer, and follows, right on Hakkai's heels. "The monkey can down a meal in five minutes. You've been gone for almost 2 hours."  
  
Hakkai tenses, startled by Gojyo's knowledge; he hadn't noticed Gojyo was awake when he left. "It sounds as if _you're_ the one who's sworn off sleeping." he throws back, busying himself with folding his nightclothes and then going to the window to rouse Hakuryuu from sleep. "When did you get in last night? It must have been rather late."  
  
"Cut the shit. I know you were awake." Gojyo bites in reply, shadowing every one of Hakkai's avoiding movements.  
  
"Ah. So I was."  
  
"And...?" Gojyo presses, becoming highly frustrated with his inability to capture Hakkai's eye. "Aren't ya gonna ask?"  
  
"About your date?"  
  
"What else?"  
  
Hakkai smiles thinly, refusing to address Gojyo face to face as he kneels beside Hakuryuu and feeds the dragon a scrap of bread he had swiped from the kitchen. "I'm not all that interested in your conquests, Gojyo. Or lack there of." he adds.  
  
Gojyo takes a step back, stung, still forced to speak to the back of Hakkai's head. "For your information, I _didn't_ strike out."  
  
Hakkai becomes rigid.

Had he been mistaken? Had Gojyo spent the night with that woman despite his foolish belief that he would have been able to tell if that had been the case?

Standing slowly from his low perch in front of Hakuryuu, Hakkai at last turns to face Gojyo head on, his smile gone, leaving no trace of emotion.  
  
"I said no to her." the kappa finishes, smugly glaring his friend down.  
  
"Oh?" Hakkai replies, instantly smiling again, more relieved than he would ever admit aloud. "And why is that?"  
  
This is not the response Gojyo was looking for, so placid and offhand. He wanted signs of something, anything. Anything but that damn, cryptic smile. "Asshole. You know, don't you?" he whispers low, narrowing his eyes, and fueled in his accusing by Hakkai's choice not to react honestly. "You know and don't give a shit."  
  
Hakkai is deeply shaken--he doesn't understand. "Gojyo, what are you talking about?"  
  
Internally, Gojyo screams. He screams so loud, had it been audible, it would have shattered the windows.  
  
Hakkai is playing with him, or so he believes. Hakkai knows Gojyo loves him and is doing nothing, admitting nothing. He leads Gojyo along, never showing an honest face--the face Gojyo so longs to see. The only face he could confess to, if it didn't already know. Know...and not care...  
  
"Forget it." Gojyo growls, spinning on his heels. "Forget it!"  
  
SLAM.  
  
Hakkai jumps back, nearly knocked over by the force of Gojyo storming out and slamming the door behind him. He honestly doesn't understand, but he realizes he has only made things worse by wearing that smile and allowing such an uncaring attitude.  
  
Slumping down, Hakkai falls to a cross-legged position on the floor and holds his face in his hands. "Gods, where is all this coming from?" he asks the air, barely able to acknowledge the soft 'kyuu' and nudge from Hakuryuu hopping up to sit on his knee. He strokes the dragon's head absently. "I don't even know what we're arguing about, Hakuryuu. I don't know why I feel so angry. I don't know why Gojyo is so angry with _me_. What have I done...?"  
  
Just then, the door creeks open again, and Hakkai starts, leaping up to collect himself at the sight of the timid, gold eyes peering at him from just outside the room.

Goku enters, tilting his questioningly.  
  
"Please, Goku, consider your manners before entering someone's room without knocking." Hakkai scolds with a misshapen smile, not quite as collected as he would like. "Is there something you needed?"  
  
Goku frowns, immediately moving to scribble on his pad. 'Why did Gojyo run out?'  
  
Hakkai's breath catches. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asks back, avoiding the question.  
  
Goku rolls his eyes. 'I had to go to the bathroom.'  
  
"Ah. Well...you should be getting back then, ne?"  
  
The subtleties in Hakkai's statement are profoundly flat, and Goku makes no move to heed them. He stands there expectantly, waiting for Hakkai to address the matters at hand and stop dodging. He could wait forever if he had to.  
  
(Always so genuinely concerned...ne, Goku?) Hakkai notes, sighing with imminent defeat under the prodding of those uncompromising eyes. (Forgive me, Gojyo, but once again I cannot go to you. How can I when you are the cause of my grief...?)  
  
Somber and slow, Hakkai walks to his bed and eases down onto the edge. "We had an argument." he explains, picking up right where Goku's initial question began. "Though I don't really know what it was about. He's angry with me--accusing. Have I committed some sin against him, Goku, or...are my past deeds enough to drive him away..."  
  
Goku can't help cringing at his friend's self-doubt, and he places a caring hand on Hakkai's shoulder as he sits down beside him. (What have you done, Gojyo...?)  
  
"What could he be thinking?" Hakkai continues, wearing an expression reminiscent of the hopelessness he had displayed when faced with Chin Issou so much earlier in the journey. "What leads him to turn such anger on me? So much...powerful emotion..."  
  
Plagued by guilt, Goku almost recoils, believing this to all somehow be his fault.  
  
He had been the one to push Gojyo into agreeing to their pact. He had been the one to keep pushing Gojyo to confess. He had been the one to get so foolishly injured, placing far too much misdirected shame on Gojyo and thus leading Gojyo to now take his frustrations out on Hakkai.  
  
Removing his hand to write out a new message, Goku tentatively turns it for Hakkai to read. 'If I knew, would it be right to tell you?'  
  
Hakkai is taken aback; he had never imagined Goku held the answers he seeks. He had merely clung to the comfort of someone being his sounding board, even if no help could be offered. "Has Gojyo said something?" he presses, turning all his anguished attention on the boy beside him. "Do you know what all this is about?"  
  
Of course Goku knows, and he nods with marginal hesitation. Why hold back now; Gojyo is obviously mistaken if he believes Hakkai already knows the truth.  
  
"Please, Goku...tell me."  
  
This is the test--Goku's test. Not a test as to whether or not he will betray a friend's trust, but whether or not he can see when trust must be betrayed for the good of that friend.  
  
Goku thinks back over the past few days and decides that not a moment has been wasted or cause for regret. All has led to this moment, a moment Gojyo has made himself unable to discover on his own.  
  
With deep resolution, Goku writes out three words--only three--upon his pad, and slowly turns them towards Hakkai.  
  
'He loves you.'

tbc...  
  
A/N: Just call me the Queen of Cliffhangers. :-) Sorry I took so long for this chapter, but I had a busy week and I'm getting ready for...SPRING BREAK! I really miss my boyfriend; it's not everyday you find a man willing to accept all your idiosyncrasies--yaoi included. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. As a teaser for being so patient and helpful, I will let you all know that in the next chapter the boys are going to end up moving from their Inn to a bathhouse to aid in Goku's recovery. If you have seen the clips from Reload, you will understand why I must do this. Thanks again, oh faithful reviewers, for every insight, and please continue. Ja!  
  
Crim


	7. Seven

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.  
  
'He loves you.'  
  
Hakkai has been playing those words over in his mind for what feels like ages, staring at them, written finely on Goku's whiteboard. Three words is all it takes, even to crumble a nation or change the shape of history. It is the easiest way in the world to change the course of your life. Speak them. Hear them. Read them...  
  
(He loves me...) Hakkai restates for the millionth time. (In love...Gojyo...with me...?)  
  
Still sitting immobile on the bed, both Hakkai and Goku appear like still-life statues, frozen in some impossible moment in time. Goku is blessedly patient, willing to wait as long as it takes for Hakkai to digest what has been unleashed.  
  
Finally, with an audible breath, Hakkai attempts to speak. "Goku...he...he told you this?" the older brunette asks, failing miserably at keeping his hands from shaking.  
  
Deciding to skip over the finer details concerning how Goku actually found out, the monkey nods, at last lowering his pad now that he is certain Hakkai understands.  
  
"And he thinks I know." Hakkai breathes, more to himself this time than to the boy beside him. "He thinks I know and don't care, because I give no reaction..."

Goku debates whether or not to ask the question burning through his mind, finally deciding he really can't go wrong after all the other transgressions he has committed today. Tugging on Hakkai's sleeve, he produces a new message for the older man to read. 'DID you know?' it asks, boldly displaying Goku's suspicions.  
  
Hakkai blinks, his face pale and impossible to read. "I...how could I have? He...he..." But Hakkai trails off again, caught in Goku's trap--perhaps the suspicions on both Goku and Gojyo's parts are warranted. "He only gave himself away every moment of every day." Hakkai admits, staring down at his hands, now forming into uncommon fists. "Oh, Goku...he has every right to curse me. Somehow, I think I knew all along. I just couldn't accept something that seemed so very...impossible. I never expected anyone to ever love me again..."  
  
Goku is deeply shaken by Hakkai's immense grief and such honestly expressed emotions. Hakkai is supposed to be composed and together, not this weakened mess sitting next to him.

Taking no pleasure in succumbing to such childish frustrations, Hakkai gradually gathers enough strength to calm down, sitting up as straight and tall and...composed as he can. "Goku...what should I do?" he asks point-blank, staring forward, still with no trace of a smile.  
  
Goku ponders Hakkai's question thoughtfully, taking his time before writing down his advice. 'If you feel the same way, you should tell him.'  
  
"Feel...the same...?" Hakkai states aloud, barely forming the words on his lips. "I...I don't...I don't know if I--"  
  
With a quick grasp of Hakkai's arm, Goku stops his friend from finishing, silencing him until he can write an interruption. 'I've meddled enough.' he prints, smiling encouragingly before moving to add another phrase. 'Just think about it, Hakkai.'  
  
Goku gets up and heads towards the door, satisfied with how things have played out, even if he had to betray Gojyo's trust in order to set things in motion. Now that he has, he doesn't want to be the cause of any influence; Hakkai needs to decide his own feelings for himself.  
  
Just as Goku begins to push open the still semi-ajar door, Hakkai calls to stop him.  
  
"Wait." he speaks, oddly strained, as if choking on the sound of his voice. Goku turns back, meeting the anguished expression of someone whose face is best when donned with a smile. "You're...going back to bed?" Hakkai questions lamely, unable to think of what else he had meant to say.  
  
Goku nods.  
  
Opening his mouth only to close it again a good dozen times, Hakkai searches for words--a question, a request, a comment--but nothing comes to him. So he merely smiles, as genuinely as he can. "Thank you." he expresses, and somehow, that smile finds its way to his eyes, clinging there for a moment as if lighting them on fire.  
  
Goku smiles in reply, and in a heartbeat, he is gone, slipped through the door with it shut softly behind him.  
  
(Think about it...) Hakkai ponders, falling back to lie on the bed. (As if I could think on anything else. Oh, Gojyo..._do_ I return your affections?) He takes a deep breath and sighs, covering his eyes with his arm to drown out the sun's penetrating rays. (I honestly don't know...)  
  
-----  
  
Outside the room, Goku crosses the small bit of space from Hakkai's door to his own, and enters quietly, tip-toeing back to bed just as he had tip-toed out earlier--more than once.

Sanzo is asleep in the chair, his head hanging down against his chest, with strands of blonde hair brushing his closed eyes. His breathing is gentle and slow, like a mild purr, and Goku has to resist the urge to run his hands through that soft hair as he reaches the bed and pulls the covers back.  
  
"For someone who's supposed to be half dead, you sure do get around."  
  
Goku freezes, barely with one knee up on the bed. He turns his head to Sanzo in the chair beside him, and although the blonde's eyes are closed, they slowly, accusingly, open, burning with violet fire. Goku swallows, debating if he should attempt to defend himself.  
  
Frowning deeply, Sanzo narrows his eyes as if to focus in on a pursued prey. "If you got out of bed for anything other than a bathroom break--"  
  
Nodding furiously, Goku assures Sanzo that that had indeed been why he left.  
  
"That better have been it, because if you're feeling well enough to go gallivanting around--"  
  
This time, Goku shakes his head in opposition, just as furiously as he had nodded before. As if to prove the seriousness of his plight even more, he scrambles onto the bed and under the covers, honestly feeling dizzy for having been on his feet for so long.  
  
Sanzo grumbles a few choice obscenities, before lifting himself heavily from the chair and briskly reaching out a hand to run from Goku's neck up the side of his face to his forehead. The boy's skin is clammy and warm, contrasting sharply with the cool metal of his diadem.  
  
"Idiot." Sanzo growls, quickly pulling back after noting Goku's apparent fondness for having that large, cooling palm against his skin. "Your fever's up again. Major blood loss is not something to be taken lightly, even for a rechargeable monkey like you. Am I going to have to tie you to the bed?" he adds bluntly, initially missing the naughty connotations in that phrase.  
  
Goku blushes and suppresses a laugh, knowing that even if he had succumbed, he wouldn't have made a sound.

Choosing to ignore Goku's flushed skin, attributing it to the increased fever, Sanzo scowls, and then turns away to head for the table to grab a smoke. But--once again--Goku's small hand grasping his wrist holds him back. He sighs, not wanting to turn, not wanting to allow himself to be so submissive under Goku's pull. And yet, turn he does, though instead of seeing Goku as he is, Sanzo is suddenly confronted with the apparition from his dream.

He sees blood. He sees pain. He sees dim, empty eyes staring at him with no recognition, because Goku is dead and gone, and he will never come back.  
  
Sanzo clenches his eyes shut, refusing to open them again until he is certain those images will be gone. When he finally does, Goku looks right again--alive, smiling, eyes shining, and still with traces of that blush.  
  
"What...?" Sanzo demands, his voice dimmed by the unsteadiness of his nerves.  
  
Goku can only smile wider, and increases his grip on Sanzo's wrist, not in an aggressive way, but as if giving the monk support through the contact of their skin.  
  
"What?" Sanzo demands again, highly uncomfortable now, as he tugs his arm back to free himself from Goku's grasp. "Stop looking at me like that. What's wrong with you?" A final jerk sets his arm free, pulling it from Goku's fingers. The boy is slightly disappointed but does not lose his smile. "You're creeping me out. Stupid ape. Quit looking like you're about to kiss me or something."  
  
Goku laughs--basically, a humored release of air--and suddenly remembers he has yet to remove the whiteboard from around his neck. He looks very contemplative for a moment, but with the boost of helping out Hakkai and Gojyo's situation, he resolves to take a leap of his own.  
  
Picking up his marker, he writes, smiling just as brightly when he turns the message around for Sanzo to see.  
  
'What if I WANT to kiss you?'  
  
If possible, all the remaining blood in Sanzo's face rushes to his feet. "Qu-Quit goofing around!" he barks, failing at keeping such obvious distress from entering his expression _and_ his voice.  
  
Goku does not need to write out his reply; his face clearly states he is not joking.  
  
"Saru...stupid...baka...I don't...and we...you can't..." Oh gods! He can't even speak. He can't think. Genjo Sanzo does not get tongue-tied; he always has a witty, scornful remark on hand. Where are those words now? Why can't he shoot Goku down? Why can't he say...anything?  
  
The broad smile still plastered on Goku's face proves just how much he is enjoying Sanzo's fumbling for words. And, after all, the monk's inability to form a coherent sentence only reinforces Goku's suspicions.  
  
He doesn't need to hear Sanzo say 'I love you' back, but he has to tell him. He has seen what stalling is doing to Hakkai and Gojyo, and he doesn't even have that kind of easy relationship to spoil--he has Sanzo. It is a risk, to be sure, but after staring death in the face for the millionth time, he figures...what the hell?  
  
Erasing his whiteboard, he begins to write again, but before he can turn it out for Sanzo to read, the monk suddenly snatches it from around his neck and chucks it across the room.  
  
"I can't deal with this!" Sanzo cries, straining to keep his voice from cracking. "I can't deal with this..."  
  
Goku looks up at him, stunned and hurt. Perhaps Hell is closer at hand than he thought.  
  
Breathing heavily, Sanzo refuses to meet Goku's gaze. "Can't this...wait...until you're better? Until...this journey is over?"  
  
Goku is stubborn and steadfast, and captures Sanzo's eyes against the blonde's will. Firmly, with that recent smile turned into a thin frown, Goku shakes his head. Of course Sanzo all ready knows what Goku wants to say; he may be a bastard, but he isn't blind. The problem for Goku has always been the idea of bringing that truth to light, and now that he is ready to, he refuses to be shot down.  
  
"I know what you're thinking." Sanzo speaks, as if accusing Goku of some horrible crime. "I know what thoughts you're entertaining about us, and it has to stop. There are roles we were meant to play in each other's lives, and only those roles."  
  
Goku shakes his head again, fighting hard to keep down the tears springing to his eyes.  
  
"Forget all this foolishness. We can deal with it when this mission is over, when we're home."  
  
"No..." Goku hisses, cringing after forcing the word from his lips. His throat stings now, immensely, but it is worth every ounce of discomfort to see the mighty Sanzo's mask drop.  
  
"I...I can't do this now...I can't look at you and ignore what I...feel...but I can't feel it! I need you, isn't that enough? I need you...and I don't want to lose you. I don't ever want to lose you, but...but I can't...I can't--"  
  
Breath--stolen in a heartbeat.  
  
Pushing beyond all his limits of fatigue, Goku has leapt forward onto his knees, grasped Sanzo by the shoulders, and crashed their lips together. To hell with fear. To hell with Hell! If Sanzo refuses to see the truth, he must be shown. And at this point, Goku has no reservations. Not anymore.  
  
The kiss is no more penetrating or deep than the force of lips upon lips, but the passion and intensity behind Goku's act of desperate affection drowns them both. For that moment, they are lost at sea. There is no West. There is no Gojyo or Hakkai, no Kougaiji or Gyumaoh. There is no unleashed secret...because both knew long ago what lay between them.  
  
Goku began the kiss and Goku breaks it, still holding Sanzo in place with firm hands on his shoulders. 'I love you,' he breathes against Sanzo's now dampened lips, resting their foreheads together. His words make no sound, but Sanzo hears, Sanzo knows, and even though both their eyes are closed, he is finally being forced to see.  
  
"...baka..." he whispers between short gasps of stolen breath, not pulling back and not pushing away. "Have you no patience, you couldn't even let me finish speaking?" Sanzo feels Goku nod. "LEARN patience then. This isn't possible now."  
  
A strangled cry of protest escapes Goku's throat, and the boy pulls away, angrily staring back at the flushed priest beside his bed.  
  
As Sanzo's eyes open, he accepts that withering look. He knows he could have stopped the kiss at any time, but he didn't, and now here he is, starting all over again, declaring that right now a deeper relationship between them would be impossible.  
  
As far as Goku is concerned, such thinking is unacceptable.  
  
Certain he has the monk's full attention, Goku very pointedly mouths, 'I-LOVE-YOU,' gesturing from himself to Sanzo. Then, with fiery heat rising to his cheeks, he crosses his arms and falls back to sit on his heels, before moving his lips again. 'Don't you care?'  
  
A lump forms in Sanzo's throat, strangling back his angry tone. "Contrary to popular opinion, yes I do. I care and I know how you feel, but things are too complicated right now. We have an obligation. There will be another time and place to deal with this--"  
  
"No there won't...!" Goku forces out, ignoring the searing in his throat, and springing up fully onto his knees again. "I almost...died yesterday. What happens to that...time and place...if one of us...dies...?" His voice is rough, like sand churned under Jeep's wheels, and low enough that Sanzo has to strain to make out the words. Goku's voice isn't truly there, but he can force enough free to make himself understood. "I love you...Sanzo...and that can't wait..."  
  
Just as Goku speaks that final phrase, he suddenly swoons, worn out from such high excitement and such forceful damage done to his injury. Sanzo easily catches him and gently lays him back, settling him properly into bed. "Stop. Don't speak. You're hurting yourself." he protests, wishing he could continue dismissing Goku's position, though he is finally beginning to realize he can't.  
  
There are no excuses.  
  
"Sleep, you fool animal." Sanzo whispers low beside Goku's ear, allowing their cheeks to brush together. "I don't want you making yourself worse on account of me. You're right...something like this can't wait..." Pulling back just enough to catch Goku's eye, Sanzo immediately dives back in, capturing Goku's lips as his had been captured before. "My feelings are the same as yours." Sanzo admits when they break apart, still pulled down close, hovering above Goku's small form in the bed. "Know that...and let it be enough for now. I need time, but I won't make you wait forever."  
  
Still dizzy and flushed--from more than just his fever and injuries--Goku smiles and nods, his eyes heavy with the call for sleep. It isn't an, 'I love you,' but it is more than he expected. It is all he really wanted.  
  
"Don't let all this go to your head, bakazaru." Sanzo adds, snuggly tucking Goku back under the covers. "Don't expect any special treatment. You're still a stupid monkey, and I'm still you're guardian--whether I want to be or not. Understand?"  
  
Eons beyond contentment, Goku nods again and snuggles down deep into his pillow, off to frolic in dreamland before Sanzo can even brush the hair from his eyes.  
  
Sanzo huffs, but doesn't complain. Trekking to the table, he takes out that much needed cigarette, lights it, and indulges in the longest drag humanly possible. He just contradicted himself about a million times over in that interaction, but hell if he cares. Those who live by the sword die by the sword, right? And he is sick and tired of living his life two steps from death, when at any moment he could lose it all without even having it.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Sanzo catches sight of the whiteboard on the floor--facedown by the window. He walks over, picks it up, and turns it to read, no longer frightened by what might be written.  
  
Indeed, the simple phrase, 'I love you, Sanzo,' stares back at him, barring nothing. Goku had truly been driven to a point of no return, with no regrets or uncertainties.  
  
Despite his supposedly cold nature, Sanzo smiles, just a small twitch at the corner of his lips, and when he turns to look back at Goku in the bed, he could have sworn two golden eyes--for a split second--had been watching him.  
  
-----  
  
(It's official; I am the stupidest, sorriest excuse for a dirty, rotten half-breed ever to grace this shit-hole planet.)  
  
Sitting on the steps that lead into the Inn's inner courtyard and garden--it IS the largest and snazziest inn in town, after all--Gojyo is not enjoying the lovely scenery as much as one might expect. Flowers of every shade bloom wild around him, there is a pond, a few scattered fountains, and a bright blue sky full of sunshine above him, but his eyes are focused far off, nowhere near his actual location.  
  
(This is what I'm going to do: I'm going to find him, apologize, cut my losses, and just ease back into the way things used to be. Who cares if he knows; it was better when I didn't deal with it. It was better when I pretended not to feel the way I do. I'd rather have him as a friend for life than as some stranger who won't even look at me like I'm...worth noticing. I need Hakkai to be...Hakkai...even if friends is all we ever are...)  
  
"Enjoying the fresh air without a cigarette? That's a first."  
  
(Damn him and his perfect timing...)  
  
Hakkai has entered the courtyard and joins Gojyo on the steps, keeping a good distance, but making the effort, nonetheless. He looks as he always does--calm, smiling, beautiful...  
  
Gojyo swallows, keeping that distant point in sight, if only to avoid meeting a smile he does not feel he deserves. "You have no idea how much I want one." he laughs, hollow but honest.  
  
"Had I known you were out, I would have picked you up a pack." Hakkai assures, falling into easy conversation so effortlessly, one would think they hadn't just had a horrible argument, and that he didn't now know his best friend's deepest secret.  
  
Finding all of this suddenly terribly ironic, Gojyo shakes his head and laughs again. "Not out. Quit."  
  
Hakkai is rightly shocked, but tries his best not to show it. "Oh? May I ask why?"  
  
"Long story."  
  
"Well, I guess I can't patronize you with the threat of lung cancer anymore then, hmm?"  
  
A soft chuckle--from both. Yes, it is easy to slip into the veil of their close friendship, especially since they know each other as well as a husband and wife. Both have their pet peeves and idiosyncrasies, and they accept that about one another. Most of the time, they find the little things that might annoy just about anyone else...charming.  
  
The way Hakkai folds _everything_. The way Gojyo leaves a trail of ashes wherever he goes. The way Hakkai hums when he cooks. The way Gojyo sings in the shower. The way Hakkai can look his scariest while still wearing a smile. The way Gojyo never cheats at cards, unless he has something to lose. The way Hakkai's breath catches whenever Gojyo walks from the bathroom to the bedroom with nothing but a towel loosely held around his waist. The way Gojyo lingers near Hakkai in the mornings if only to catch an extra whiff of the brunette's freshly washed hair.  
  
The way neither one of them can plainly state what's on their minds, especially when what IS on their minds could shatter the very world they live in.

"Look...nicotine withdrawal aside, I've been acting like an ass lately." Gojyo speaks finally, still staring forward at the buzzing garden. "Can we just...forget the past few days?"  
  
Hakkai fights to hold back his disappointment. He thought that after the display upstairs, Gojyo would surely admit his true feelings and save him the burden of having to bring things up himself. "Just...forget?" he asks, giving Gojyo the chance to redeem the situation.  
  
"I've been heaping nonsense on you, nonstop. Yeah...I think I want to forget." Gojyo confirms. "Things will be better if we just let everything go back to normal, ya know?"  
  
"Better...right..." Hakkai repeats vaguely.  
  
Why is it that he does not speak up? Because he wants Gojyo to have the courage to admit the truth first. Deep in his heart, Hakkai already knows how he feels in return, but fear wins out on his end, too, because he can't yet recognize what those feelings are. He can't take the leap alone.  
  
"Well, then, if that's what you want--"  
  
"Sumimasen. Cho-san?" a voice questions from just behind them. Gojyo and Hakkai turn back to the entrance, met by the familiar sight of the desk clerk. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but the movers are here to get your party's things."  
  
"Ah, so soon?" Hakkai smiles, happily delaying the inevitable as he stands to approach the clerk. "I commend their speed. Please, show them to my room, but allow me to stop by the other one before sending them there. I haven't told the others yet."  
  
"Uhhh...you haven't told ME yet." Gojyo informs, standing as well, and raising an eyebrow at Hakkai now that the clerk has disappeared to carry out his orders. "Would you mind explaining what he meant by movers coming to get our things?"  
  
Hakkai's plastered smile beams brightly, undaunted. "While I was out this morning I passed a place far better suited for Goku's recovery, so I requested that we be moved there immediately. It's a branch of this Inn, so they are being wonderfully hospitable."  
  
"Hang on a sec." Gojyo continues, moving to block Hakkai's path since the healer had been about to head inside. "What kinda place is this, anyway?"  
  
"Oh...just a bathhouse."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Man, I bet you guys hate how slow I'm going now. I remember when a chapter a week wasn't all that bad, but I'll do my best to move faster. I'm home now for spring break and have many plans, including an anime convention this coming Friday through Sunday. Hey, if anyone's planning on going to the Anime Detour convention in Bloomington, MN this weekend, let me know, and maybe I'll see you there. I'm so excited! After all these years, I'm going to my first con.  
  
Okay, as far as the story goes, sorry if you thought they'd already be at the bathhouse, but things came up that the boys had to deal with. Hope you enjoyed the Sanzo/Goku progress. I know I'm just shy of 100 reviews, but consider it the 100 review bonus anyway. :-) How are things going to progress with Gojyo and Hakkai? Well, for a little preview, I'll let you know that it involves a Goku and Gojyo confrontation. Hope you're still enjoying this story and thanks so much for the continued support. I especially enjoy the comments on Hakkai's character. Some people find him ooc and yet they enjoy the tension, others think he is perfectly in character only twisted to fit how he would react in situations like these. I also like that most of you are enjoying how Goku is the emotionally strongest character for the most part. What can I say, I just let the boys take me where they want. Okay, off I go to...watch some Saiyuki, so hope you liked and PLEASE REVIEW. Love ya!  
  
Crim


	8. Eight

A bathhouse--a secluded bathhouse on the far edge of town with much privacy and many mediums for relaxation. The Sanzo-ikkou's things have been moved quite effortlessly from their old rooms to their new ones, and while Sanzo and Hakkai deal with checking in and paying for their stay, Gojyo fulfills his job as transportation.  
  
"Damn you're heavy. How much do you weigh, anyway?" the kappa jokes, kicking open the door to one of their rooms since his arms are currently occupied with a certain saru. "I think we need to stop feeding you for a couple weeks."  
  
Goku grudgingly sticks out his tongue, squirming to get out of his friend's hold.  
  
"Eager to get away, huh? Fine by me." Gojyo smirks, swinging his arms back and preparing to toss Goku the 10 feet from where they are to the bed.  
  
Seized by panic, Goku clings tightly to Gojyo's neck, squeaking out a strangled cry of protest. He closes his eyes, waiting for impact, but when it doesn't come and he realizes he is still gripping Gojyo's neck, he peeks his eyes open again, furiously glaring back at the large grin looking down on him.  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
Goku scowls as Gojyo gently lays him down on the mattress, immediately writing out his frustrations on his pad. 'You didn't need to carry me, anyway. I can walk on my own.'  
  
"Hey, don't look at me. Hakkai's orders." Gojyo defends. "Besides, it was a long walk from the inn to this place. We can't have you passing out again. Good for my upper body strength, too. Lifting you is like a day at the gym."  
  
Glaring a little darker, Goku refuses to lie back on the bed, and instead writes out another message. 'I've been sleeping on and off all morning. I want to look around.'  
  
Hands on his hips, Gojyo shakes his head. "Hakkai and Sanzo are getting everything settled. When they're finished, _then_ one of us will take you around. I'm sure you'll get some time with everything this place has to offer, so just be patient. Remember what Sir Tight-Ass told us, 'This is for Goku's recovery, not for pleasure. We aren't here to have fun.' Jerk. He sure knows how to kill a mood, huh?"  
  
Goku sees that Gojyo is about to turn and head out of the room, so he gestures wildly to hold the redhead's attention. Gojyo looks back questioningly, and for a moment, Goku isn't sure if he really intends to go through with what he must. He realizes, however, that he owes his friend all the honesty he can offer, and so he writes, 'Sit down. I have to tell you something.'  
  
His eyes narrowed with even more perplexed emotions than before, Gojyo obeys, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting patiently for Goku to continue.  
  
Goku swallows hard as he begins to write again, deciding to start off easier in hopes that Gojyo's temper can be better subdued after hearing a little good news first. 'I told Sanzo how I feel about him, and he didn't freak or anything. I kissed him, too. And he kissed me back. He didn't say I love you, but he said he feels the same as I do. I know things are going to move slow, but I think it's going to be okay between us.'  
  
The small whiteboard is almost completely covered in Goku's writing to fit all he had wanted to say, and Gojyo reads the narrative slowly, his eyes widening with every absorbed word. When he finally finishes, his shock has vanished, becoming something like pride instead.  
  
"Way to go, kiddo. I'm happy for you." he smiles, fighting down a few fierce waves of jealousy by clinging to how honestly happy he is for his friend. "Guess I wouldn't have had to take away your meals even without releasing you from the pact."  
  
This sparks Goku's memory, and he erases his previous words to ask, 'How is the no smoking going?'  
  
Gojyo releases a short laugh. "Hell on earth. But I'll manage." he winks, holding up a rather shaky hand for Goku to see the affects of his withdrawal. "The headaches suck, my hands keep twitching, and if I have to pass that monk with a cig in his mouth one more time, I swear I'm gonna steal his gun and shoot myself out of pity. But other than that, I'd say it's a walk in the park."  
  
Goku laughs along with Gojyo this time--his same, soundless laugh--but the lightness in his mood fades quickly. After all, he has barely begun saying what needs to be said.  
  
"Is there something else..." Gojyo starts in, noting Goku's swiftly lost smile. "...or is gloating the majority?"  
  
As much as Goku wishes he could return Gojyo's grin and pleasantly familiar humor, he knows he can't. He writes, 'Has anything happened with you and Hakkai?'  
  
"Hn...nothing good. Not like with you and the bouzu, anyway."  
  
'He didn't say anything?'  
  
"Bastard. Like he would. I bet he knows, too, and he still won't say a word."  
  
Goku grimaces, despising Gojyo's suspicions, and despising even more his own hand in the rift that has grown between his friends. Stealing a few more ounces of courage, he writes again, hesitating very noticeably before turning his message around. 'Hakkai didn't know.'  
  
A false grin and stunted laugh replies. "Shit, I know that." Gojyo concedes, at first missing the monkey's deeper meaning. "I really don't know why I kept thinking--" But he cuts off quickly, registering Goku's phrasing. "Wait. _Didn't _know...?"  
  
Goku swallows, returning his companion's gaze as best he can, though he doesn't yet reply.  
  
"Goku...?" Gojyo prompts cautiously, already struggling to hold down the boiling emotions in the pit of his stomach. "What did you do...?"  
  
Writing quickly, Goku hopes to defend Hakkai before he defends himself. 'He didn't know before, I swear.'  
  
"Goku!"  
  
Flinching back from Gojyo's sudden volume, Goku gives in, and writes out the simple truth that will undoubtedly bring everything crashing down upon their once well-intentioned pact. 'I told him.'  
  
Although the heat remains sparked in Gojyo's eyes, all color drains from his usually tan face. "You...you..."  
  
'I had to.' Goku adds, sensing the building fury in his friend.  
  
Gojyo tries to keep himself calm, flexing his fingers in and out of very tight fists. "When...when did you tell him?"  
  
'After your fight this morning.'  
  
"WHAT!?" Any attempt to quell his outburst now would be a waste of barrowed time. "And he STILL didn't say anything?! He knows now and he still--urrg!!" Gojyo screams, leaping up from the bed, his fists clenched very tightly now as if he might at any moment turn them on his friend. Turn he does, in fact, directing all his enraged emotions on the boy in the bed. "This is all YOUR fault!" he accuses. "Because of you, I'm worse off than when I started, you fucking monkey! You made me make that pact! You made me second-guess myself! If it wasn't for you and your damn ideals I wouldn't have been put through all this shit! Urrg, damn you! I should've left you in that market to bleed to death!"  
  
Gojyo whips around, charging forward to the door, but the moment his hand touches the handle, his own words come crashing back to strike him down. They had been brutal and unnecessary, and he knows it. Behind him, he can hear the soft sniffles of Goku trying to keep his tears at bay, and a strong sense of shame washes over him.  
  
How could he say such things?  
  
Releasing the doorknob, Gojyo slowly turns back, floored by the pitying sight of Goku in tears. The boy is strong and hates to be seen as weak in front of anyone, so he stares down at his hands in his lap as he sits up in bed, avoiding any contact with Gojyo's eyes.  
  
"Fuck." Gojyo curses as he treks back to Goku's side. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it." he reconciles, though he is not met with a reply; Goku wipes at his eyes, still looking down. "Ah, hell, quit with the waterworks, huh? I'm sorry for blowing up like that." Gojyo crouches down next to the bed, bringing him eye level with his whimpering companion. "I don't blame you. I made my own choices. It's better with all this out in the open, even if things can't be the same."  
  
Goku looks up uncertainly, but despite his own shame over Gojyo's failings, he smiles and slowly nods, quick to forgive and forget the kappa's harsh outburst.  
  
"Besides," Gojyo adds, grinning a little more like his usual self. "It was about time I got up off my ass and did something, huh?" He stands, but feeling he has patched up the destruction left in his temper's wake, he allows his mind to wander, thinking over Hakkai's complete passiveness.  
  
The tall brunette has been given plenty of time and opportunity to say something, but he hasn't said a word. Gojyo forgives Goku for telling him, since Gojyo had only been making things worse with his suspicions, but now...now is a time for drastic measures. After all, what does Gojyo have left to lose...?  
  
"If, in the end, this is gonna cost me my best friend...I damn well better make it count." he states, speaking mainly to himself. His thoughts are set on an unseen path now, and nothing can deter him from that. Briefly, he smiles down at Goku before heading once more for the door. "Sit tight, okay? Someone will be up to get you. I've got...some thinking to do."  
  
Goku is not wholly comforted by Gojyo's odd words and behavior, and still feels the distinct echo of the redhead's anger even as he leaves. Gojyo is not a man to do anything half-assed, and judging by the look in his eyes as he slipped away, Goku imagines he is planning something with the potential to make things wonderfully better...or...a million times worse.  
  
-----  
  
"Yes, sir, all of our facilities are at your complete disposal. If you need anything at all, just ask." the bathhouse attendant informs the rather scary looking blonde leaning over his counter. He knows to be as polite as possible considering he is dealing with a high-ranking Buddhist monk who also happens to carry with him an impressive reputation--not to mention a rather deadly gun. "Here are your party's keys, for your rooms and for the lockers. We've set you up just as you were in our sister Inn on the other side of town, to avoid confusion. Though, of course, we can always move things around if need be."  
  
"We're fine." Sanzo grunts, not wanting to deal with any more complications, despite his slight apprehension towards continuing to share a bedroom with Goku. "Just hand over the keys and don't disturb us. We like our privacy, understand?"  
  
"Yes, of course." the attendant smiles, swallowing hard as he hands the keys to Sanzo, who immediately defers to Hakkai. Hakkai gratefully accepts them to sort them out, and the attendant takes this opportunity to make himself scarce, mumbling something about having work to do in the back.  
  
"You really need to work on your people skills, Sanzo." Hakkai smiles, handing over Sanzo and Goku's set of keys to the monk beside him, after having sorted out which ones belong to whom. "One of these days neither your card nor your title will be enough to gain us hospitality."  
  
Sanzo scowls, pocketing the keys swiftly. "Mind your own business. I'm on edge and in no mood to be friendly to imbeciles."  
  
Hakkai debates whether or not to inquire what has set Sanzo so on edge, but decides against pursuing such a dangerous subject. Then, just as he is about to mention going to the rooms to collect Gojyo and Goku, a familiar, crimson blur bounds towards them from the hallway.  
  
"Ah, Gojyo, we were just about to come get you." Hakkai explains with a beaming smile. "I have your keys for the room and lockers, so if you'd like to--"  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Gojyo says hurriedly, snatching the keys from Hakkai's hand and immediately walking away in the direction of the locker room. "I'm beat so I'm hitting the baths early. Don't forget about Goku, ne?"  
  
Hakkai barely has the time to express his acknowledgement, slightly taken aback by how Gojyo hadn't even looked him in the eye, before the kappa is gone from sight completely. He had thought things were relatively normal between them, and hoped to keep them that way until he decided what he was going to do about his recent discovery of his friend's feelings for him. Apparently, things aren't going to be quite so simple.  
  
Turning back to Sanzo, Hakkai decides it would be best right now to leave things be and continue sorting out his own feelings. They probably won't be getting another opportunity like this for quite some time, and he means to take advantage.  
  
"Sanzo, would you be so kind as to take Goku around? The sauna and the baths should do wonders for his condition. Relaxation is the best medicine for him right now while he recovers."  
  
"And just why the hell do I have to do the babysitting?" Sanzo grumbles, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest. "He's even more annoying with that damn message board than when he's talking my ear off."  
  
Hakkai chuckles lightly, breezing past Sanzo to gather his things from his room before heading to the lockers. "He can't take the board into the sauna or baths, anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. And...you know how much he prefers your company over anyone elses." Offering a knowing and somewhat challenging smile, Hakkai then disappears around the corner, leaving Sanzo to himself.  
  
(Damn it.) the abandoned priest thinks irritably, grinding his teeth as he slowly follows Hakkai's escape route to go and gather Goku from their room. It isn't that he doesn't want to spend time with Goku, he just doesn't know how to address what has passed between them. (Prefers me, huh? Believe me, that is something I won't be forgetting any time soon...)  
  
-----  
  
A few minutes and an impressive amount of yelling later, Sanzo and Goku are stripped--still with towels wrapped protectively around their waists, of course--and are ready to enjoy their time at the bathhouse as they walk down the hallway to the sauna. Sanzo hasn't spoken much to Goku since the episode earlier that day, other than to tell him to hurry up and to not exert himself any more than he has to. After all, there are far too many thoughts and possible regrets fluttering through his mind.  
  
What if this is all a mistake? Sure, he let Goku kiss him and he even offered a second kiss himself, but that doesn't mean he is ready to declare his love and turn a new lease on life. Genjo Sanzo is a hard and stern person for a reason; he lost everything in the past and does not care to lose it all again. He had once thought he could outwit Fate by never again allowing himself to love at all, but that was a battle he couldn't win. The question now is whether or not Goku's love is enough to break down the shell he has maintained for over 10 years.  
  
Sanzo's mulling is interrupted by the feel of a small hand gently brushing his arm. He looks down at his side, instantly met by large, golden eyes he knows all too well. Goku smiles up at him brilliantly, hoping he can somehow have a positive affect on his guardian's glum mood. Judging from the monk's tightly knitted brow, however, he sees that he is not being successful.  
  
"What?" Sanzo growls, pulling his arm out of reach.  
  
Goku recoils back and shakes his head, dismissing it as nothing.  
  
Stopping mid-stride, Sanzo rolls his eyes in response to Goku's pout. "Stop acting like a wounded animal. It's annoying."  
  
Stopping with him, Goku plays off his pout all the more and opens his mouth as if he is about to speak.  
  
Sanzo's hand is quicker than Goku's tongue, and any words the boy may have tried to force out are silenced by the presence of a large palm. "Don't." he commands, leaning down to better match Goku's level. He removes his hand almost as swiftly as he had raised it, and looks from side to side, making sure no one is around to hear his next few words. "Listen, I'm not trying to act like nothing's happened between us, but I refuse to have you fawning all over me."  
  
Goku's expression shifts as if to indignantly reply, 'I wasn't fawning.'  
  
"Whatever. But you were clingy enough before all this and it makes me...uncomfortable." Sanzo answers his charge's reworked pout. The pout then, of course, becomes even more pronounced than before. Sanzo crumbles beneath it, and moves to lean in a little further, his voice a hushed whisper. "Just...don't act so obvious. I told you I care, and I meant it. This isn't easy for me."  
  
Finally, Goku's pout disappears, replaced by a beaming and understanding smile. Nodding happily, Goku quickly leans up to peck Sanzo's cheek and then bounds on ahead towards the sauna, leaving Sanzo to follow in his wake.  
  
Sanzo's face flushes with light color, and as he stands up straight, a hand instinctively reaches up to touch the spot Goku kissed. "Baka..." he breathes, his eyes following Goku's retreating form long before his feet can do the same.  
  
No, this is not going to be easy, but it sure as hell won't be a dull ride along the way.  
  
-----  
  
On the other side of the bathhouse, Hakkai walks around the main area to a secluded hot tub out of view from the others. He is a modest man, and even walking in just a towel has been a bit much for him. There is a table a few feet from the water, so he places his monocle on top of it, not wanting to get it wet, and then removes his towel, tossing it over the back of the chair beside the table. Free of everything now, he moves quickly to climb inside the tub.  
  
A rush of warm chills assaults him as he slips into the water, eased and relaxed already, after barely a moment. He sinks under, allowing the water to envelop him, and then springs up with a light splash, shaking out his now wet hair and tossing it out of his eyes. The water feels wonderful against his worn muscles and frazzled nerves. It is a welcome escape from travel AND his travel companions.  
  
Leaning back against the hot tub's edge, Hakkai closes his eyes, sitting comfortably on the tub's seat. It is small, enough for maybe four people, though one or two would be best. Hakkai finds himself exceedingly happy that no one else can see him from such an out of the way spot, because he adores the solitude, content in being alone.  
  
Despite the warmth and wonder of the water and how much Hakkai wishes he could simply banish all thoughts from his mind to enjoy it, he finds those thoughts drifting to the pressing matters at hand--Gojyo, in love with him; Gojyo, saying no to a woman for him; Gojyo...so amazing and caring and beautiful...  
  
(I am being such a fool.) Hakkai sulks, his eyes still closed as he lounges in the water. (Why haven't I said anything? I owe him trust, if nothing else, but...what am I supposed to do? I know I care deeply for him. I know I enjoy his company. Even his _close_ company.) he muses, thinking over the many, indiscreet touches Gojyo has slipped in over the years without him noticing.

He realizes, of course, that he must have noticed if he is remembering them now.

(What does it matter?) he sighs, banishing his straying thoughts as the same self-hatred he has depended on for years on end returns to crush his spirit. (How can I even entertain holding someone with these hands...?)  
  
Images of his once cherished beloved attack his senses--Kanan's face, her hair, her kind eyes, her subtle smile, the feel of her delicate body pressed against his, and then...the sight of that body bleeding as she dies right in front of him.  
  
In an instant, he is back within the horrors of that night, staring at Kanan's dead body, screaming her name, praying that time can somehow still be turned back. He would have loved her child, whether it was his or not. He would have cherished it, cherished every moment of raising it together. Boy or girl, human or youkai, it wouldn't have mattered. It would have been a half-breed--like Gojyo. Crimson hair and eyes. Hakkai couldn't imagine a better child if it had been anything like Gojyo.  
  
As he had remained there on his knees, eyes locked on Kanan through the cell bars, Chin Iisou had come up from behind, taunting him, pushing him further than he dared go before. He was changing, becoming the very thing he had slaughtered--youkai. Then, just as Chin Issou cut deep into his side, his own weapon became himself. His ears pointed, his eyes became slit, a vine-like pattern wove its way over his skin, and his fingernails became sharp talons that slashed through Chin Iisou's body, cutting the last of that clan's members down.  
  
He can still remember the rush of emotion and drawn away power when his youkai form faded, quelled by the manifestation of his ear cuff power limiters. How they had come to be, he still doesn't know, but had they not, he shudders at what he might have done.  
  
Limiters in place, he had left the youkai palace and staggered along the bath to the neighboring town. He didn't want help. He didn't want to come across anyone. He only wanted to get away from that place and die in peace. When he finally collapsed to the cold ground, the rain still pounding in his ears as it had all day and all night, he had thought it would soon be over, and his suffering would end, but it wasn't to be. Suddenly, there was a voice, and when his head was lifted and he caught sight of that crimson above him, he couldn't help grinning at being rescued, saved by the very child he would never get to raise.  
  
(Gojyo...why did you have to find me that night...? Why...?)  
  
The sweat forming on Hakkai's face from the heat of the hot tub mingles with his light tears, streaming unseen down his cheeks and into the water. But just then, as he is finally breaking down in his shame over wanting Gojyo when he feels he does not deserve him, Hakkai also begins to feel strong hands smoothing over his shoulders, digging deep into the tight muscles.  
  
Becoming instantly rigid, he struggles to look back.  
  
"It's just me." soothes Gojyo's clear voice, close beside his ear.

The redhead is crouched down at the edge of the tub, wrapped only in a towel as Hakkai had been. He sits down, hanging his legs into the water with Hakkai basically between them, pressed back against the tub's wall.

"You looked like you could use more than just a good soak to get rid of all this tension."  
  
Hakkai faces forward, allowing Gojyo to work at his sore muscles, though he hates how vulnerable he feels under a touch he longs for and despises at the same time. "Ah. Well...I...I don't want to keep you from relaxing yourself."  
  
"Nah. I think this is right where I need to be."  
  
Hakkai swallows, trying his best to swallow back his fears along with it, and slowly, he begins to enjoy Gojyo's expert touch, making him unable to do anything but give in, at the mercy of those warm hands. They remain that way for a good few minutes, with Gojyo working the muscles along Hakkai's shoulders, neck, and back. After those few minutes, however, Gojyo gently nudges Hakkai forward.  
  
"It's getting a little cold up here." he comments, as if hiding some sinister plan beneath his easygoing tone. "I think I'll join you."  
  
A swift rustle of cloth tells Hakkai that Gojyo has tossed away his towel before slipping in behind him into the water--naked. Hakkai's breath hitches when Gojyo's hands return to their work, rubbing out the soreness along his back. The act brings their bodies close, closer than he cares for when both of them are as bare as the day they were born. And still, he says nothing, choosing to ignore the angry butterflies swarming in his stomach.  
  
Gojyo rubs deeper, firmly down Hakkai's spine to the small of his back where the brunette is just the tiniest bit ticklish. Hakkai shudders, angry at himself for enjoying the thrill of that tingling touch, something wonderful that borders on discomfort. He continues to disillusion himself, however, fooling himself into believing this is nothing but a harmless act of kindness. Or at least he does believe that, until Gojyo pushes things further than he can rightly dismiss.  
  
Pulling closer, Gojyo continues Hakkai's massage, but adds a little more, bending his head to kiss his companion's shoulders. It is light and fleeting at first, but he does not stop at just one. His lips strike again and again, down between Hakkai's shoulders and up along his neck, becoming deeper and longer with each one.  
  
"G-Gojyo! What are you doing...?" Hakkai gasps, trembling within Gojyo's hold now that the redhead has slid his arms down to grip Hakkai's shoulders more firmly.  
  
Gojyo's lips curl into a grin as he kisses Hakkai's neck again, and he pulls Hakkai closer against him. "What do you think I'm doing?" he purrs. "I'm taking advantage of the situation..."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Again, sorry for being late, but I was on Spring Break and I had an Anime Convention to attend. It was wonderful by the way. I bought tons of things I didn't need, mainly Saiyuki related, and had a blast cosplaying as Paine from FFX-2. The best thing was getting an art commission of Gojyo and Hakkai about to kiss. It is wonderful!  
  
Anyway, back to the story. Sorry I keep popping out cliff-hangers, but I can't help it, they make the best endings to chapters. Obviously, the next chapter will continue right where this one leaves off. What is Gojyo up to? You'll just have to wait. Also, Sanzo and Goku still have some growing to do, too, and who knows if some remaining threat won't pop up to complicate things further. Hope you still enjoy and thanks so much for all the support you continue to offer. Every ounce of criticism and praise is equally appreciated. Love you all, minna!  
  
Crim


	9. Nine

Gojyo's lips curl into a grin as he kisses Hakkai's neck, pulling the shocked brunette closer so that Hakkai's back is pressed against his chest. "What do you think I'm doing," he purrs, darting his tongue along Hakkai's earlobe. "I'm taking advantage of the situation..."  
  
Unable to think clear enough to break free, Hakkai remains rigid in Gojyo's hold, shivering at the feel of his friend's lips hotly striking kisses at his damp skin. The hot tub whirls its water around them, igniting every last nerve beneath the water.  
  
Slipping his arms down Hakkai's shoulders, Gojyo slithers them around to Hakkai's chest, playing across the smooth muscles. "I know you know..." he whispers, continuing his assault with strokes of his tongue along Hakkai's neck. "Goku told me."  
  
Hakkai tenses further, but still does not attempt to escape. If he wasn't so weightless within the water, his knees would have long ago given out.  
  
"So...I figured...if I'm going to lose you anyway...I might as well take what I can get before it's gone..."  
  
Although Hakkai's eyes had drifted shut, they spring wide open now, filled with sudden resentment and fury. He jerks away, out of Gojyo's hold, forward towards the other end of the tub. With his back still to his friend, his arms wrap protectively around his severely trembling body.  
  
Gojyo has gone too far.  
  
"How dare you...?" Hakkai breathes, sucking in air through clenched teeth, longing to either disappear within himself or turn around and blast Gojyo into oblivion.  
  
"Yeah..." Gojyo answers softly from behind him. "...that's what I thought you'd say."  
  
Hakkai whips around, his arms thrown angrily down at his sides. "You don't get it, do you?" he growls, no trace of his usually easy-going and cheerful expression, no trace of any smile, only malice and hurt. "I'm not upset because I found out you have feelings for me, or even because of the stunt you've just pulled. I'm upset because you actually believe I would withhold my friendship over this."  
  
A short, humorless laugh. "You already have." Gojyo bites back, matching Hakkai's angry fire full-fold. They stand facing off in the water, one at either end of the small tub. "Is pretending like nothing's going on, when you _know_ how I feel, acting like a friend?"  
  
Hakkai flinches, stung by Gojyo's sharp tone, though he cannot dismiss the words. "You accuse me of all this, Gojyo, but you have done the same." he replies, his fire faded, but not lost. "You could have said something, but you didn't."  
  
"Sure, turn things back on me. So much for integrity." Gojyo sneers, confident enough in his own indignant emotions to carry this fight to the end. "I was scared out of my mind that if I ever told you, I would lose you. Then, when you finally get it spelled out right in front of your face, you prove me right by not saying a damn thing!"  
  
Gojyo's argument almost forces Hakkai to yield, making him nearly as furious with himself for what he knows he has done as he is at Gojyo for playing with him. Dropping back a step, more and more of Hakkai's anger begins to wane. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'm scared, too?" he questions, looking steadily into Gojyo's crimson eyes. "This bomb is dropped in my lap and you expect me to embrace it, but I needed time to consider how I feel."  
  
"Well, you've had plenty of time now, so what of it?" Gojyo presses, taking a step forward to match Hakkai's step back. "Tell me. Tell me what all your thinking has brought you. We can't go back to being the same friends after this. You know that. So I need to hear from you what it's gonna be. Have I been wasting my time...loving you all these years?"  
  
Hakkai's breath hitches. '...all these years...'?  
  
Years. Not recently, as Hakkai had first imagined, or even at the start of this journey, but years ago is when Gojyo first discovered that his feelings for Hakkai stretch beyond mere friendship.  
  
Hakkai's shivers return with a vengeance, trembling through him visibly as his eyes drift away from his companion's face. "Gojyo...forgive me for making this so hard on you..." he shudders, an unseen force pulling his gaze down to stare at his hands. He lifts them from the water, tracing his eyes over every curve and line--mesmerized. "I've tried to sort out how I feel, but...what right do I have to return your love? These hands are soaked though with blood, not fit to hold anyone. I am something far worse than the vilest of villains I once killed. Had I been without my limiters the night we met, I would have torn you apart..." His voice breaks, tears once again slipping down his face, nearly unseen, though Gojyo recognizes they are there. "How can you love me?" Hakkai sniffs, eyes still trained on his shaking hands. "How can you love this monster in me...?"  
  
Before Hakkai has regained the faculties to notice Gojyo is moving, the redhead is suddenly in front of him, leaning in close. Gently, Gojyo places his own hands on top of Hakkai's and lowers them beneath the water, out of sight. "I can love you...because the _man_ is worth it..." he whispers, silently imploring Hakkai to look up and meet his gaze. Hakkai does not, but Gojyo refuses to release his friend's hands or back away. "I haven't made this any easier on you." he admits. "My biggest fear was never that you'd think you didn't deserve me, but the other way around. Or...that I wouldn't be able to reach you...with HER still standing between us."  
  
Hakkai offers a shallow laugh, still looking down at the water. "She isn't between us, Gojyo. I may never fully forgive myself for failing Kanan, but I freed her ghost long ago. My love for her is completely independent of my love for you. I would never allow her to overshadow what you mean to me."  
  
Boldly, Gojyo takes Hakkai's chin and forces him to look up. "Prove it." he challenges.  
  
"G-Gojyo--"  
  
"Don't you dare believe you don't deserve this. I love you, Hakkai. That's enough."  
  
Hakkai's trembling persists, even as Gojyo begins to lessen the remaining gap between them. "I...I love you, Gojyo. I do. And...I am so sorry. I'm sorry for--"  
  
"Shhh..." Gojyo hushes him, their lips barely a hair's breath apart. "...it's okay..."  
  
Hakkai nods vaguely, obediently silenced, and looks with profound affection into Gojyo's eyes as their mouths hover. Gojyo's hands free themselves from Hakkai's and raise up out of the water, one curling back around Hakkai's waist while the other slips behind his neck to pull him closer. As their lips finally meet, Hakkai raises his hands, as well, one to Gojyo's waist and the other to his cheek, brushing the tips of that crimson hair.  
  
It is an act long overdue. Gojyo's lips are hungry for what they have so endlessly desired, and Hakkai's own awakened emotions respond in kind, as both delve deeply into each other's mouths. Hakkai tastes of something sweet and exotic, and Gojyo--to Hakkai's surprise, though he does indeed remember that Gojyo has quit smoking--does not taste anything like an ashtray. The kappa's taste is bold, overpowering.

Hakkai, however, is not overpowered.  
  
Groaning at the separation of their mouths when Hakkai pulls back, Gojyo allows himself to be turned in the water, pressed against the side of the hot tub. Hakkai renews the lost touch of their lips once he has repositioned himself, sitting Gojyo down on the tub's seat while climbing eagerly onto his lap. Gojyo almost sinks under in shock, thrilled with Hakkai's pleasing advances. In this position, Hakkai's chest is pressed firmly against his within their kiss, and with his knees planted on either side of Gojyo's thighs, their nakedness is strikingly apparent.  
  
Obviously, Hakkai has been craving this as much as Gojyo, hidden beneath the surface of all his denial and conflicting emotions. There has always been something more between them, and that ignored sexual tension is finally being paid its due.  
  
"Shit, Hakkai..." Gojyo gasps, pulling back for air, and deliciously squirming beneath Hakkai's weight. "...I never knew you had it in you."  
  
Hakkai's eyes roll back in response to their bodies' friction beneath the water. "I know what I...feel...and I trust you...I trust you enough to believe...we _both_ deserve this."  
  
"You forgive me then, for acting like such an idiot?"  
  
"As long as you forgive me for taking so long to reciprocate."  
  
Gojyo grips Hakkai's hips, settling him more comfortably on his lap, which sends chills rippling down both their spines. "I think I can be persuaded."  
  
Smiling in reply--a devilishly genuine smile--Hakkai grinds his hips against Gojyo's, making his intentions achingly obvious. Gojyo reels beneath him, but such a strong, unmistakable sensation triggers the remaining apprehensions Hakkai has yet to let go.

A moment before this, the brunette had still been unsure, dead set against believing he had the right to be this close to anyone ever again. And yet...isn't he right in believing they deserve this? Gojyo knows every horrible detail about the evil Hakkai--no, Gonou--committed, and he loves him still. That should be enough. That IS enough.  
  
"You okay?" Gojyo asks, concerned with Hakkai's suddenly blank expression.  
  
His confidence fully restored, Hakkai brings his smile back, dipping down to kiss Gojyo's lips lightly. "Wonderful. Just...musing over how familiar this feels."  
  
"I know what you mean. Think we were lovers in a past life or something."  
  
Hakkai laughs, slinking his arms up around Gojyo's neck. "What a silly idea. I wouldn't have thought you'd believe in all that reincarnation nonsense."  
  
"Heh. I would've thought you _would_"  
  
"Hmmm...maybe I'm just happier living in this life, here and now...with you..."  
  
"Really, now? Hn. I think I have to agree with you." Gojyo smirks, and captures Hakkai's lips again, deeply, dancing his tongue with Hakkai's slowly, as if each caress is more precious than the last. "I love you so much." he breathes when they break again, unable to subdue his large smile and increasingly flushed skin.  
  
"And I love you." Hakkai states back, touching his nose against Gojyo's like a child's mistaken first kiss. "I had so many doubts and reservations, but suddenly...I feel deliriously happy. Is there some spell you've cast on me? Is this how all those women felt when they were with you?"  
  
Gojyo pulls back a little, recognizing that this has not been spoken as a blow, but as something to tease him. "Not a single one of them ever got half of what I'm willing to offer you. And...in case you're curious...it's been a long time since I've been with anyone."  
  
"I know." Hakkai smiles, tilting his head to the side. "And, if it isn't too selfish of me to say so, I'm glad it's been awhile, and that none of them ever had as much claim over your heart as I do."  
  
"Claim?" Gojyo repeats with a tinge of humor. "You're sounding rather domineering from up there. You planning on keeping me as some kept boy, or do I get to drive once in a while, too?"  
  
Hakkai blushes deeply at Gojyo's blatant insinuations, though considering they are naked and in a hot tub right now, with nothing between them but closely contacted skin, he should have been blushing from the start.  
  
"Hey, I'm just kidding around." Gojyo mends, raising a hand to Hakkai's face in apology. "I don't care how things go down, or if they do at all. Well...maybe I care _if_...but what really matters is that I love you, and I don't want to go on acting like I'm not feeling what I'm feeling anymore. I want it to be me and you. Together. Ya know?"  
  
Grinning down at Gojyo with equally impassioned affection, Hakkai nods in whole-hearted agreement.  
  
"Well, now that that's settled..." Gojyo starts in, looking around to ensure there is still no one in sight. "...how much do you think we can get away with before they kick us out for indecent behavior?"  
  
Hakkai flushes with color again, but holds his ground, leaning forward to signal he is more than willing to find out.  
  
Just as their lips are about to touch, however, Gojyo feels something light strike the back of his head. Nothing sharp or honestly painful, but something, and the curiosity of it pulls him back, away from Hakkai. He reaches behind his head to grasp whatever it is, having landed on the floor above them. When he brings it around for them to get a good look at, they see that it is an orange paper airplane, folded neatly, though now its tip is bent after having collided with Gojyo's head.  
  
"What the--" But Gojyo never gets to finish.  
  
Suddenly, the sound of running feet can be heard from off to their right, and a moment later, something cannonballs into the water, splashing them both. Without even thinking, Hakkai scrambles off Gojyo's lap, sitting next to him on the tub's seat as they wait for their intruder to surface.  
  
"Why you little--! Goku!!" Gojyo yells, scowling darkly at the short brunette when he pops up for air, and then continues floating easily in the water until settling in next to Gojyo on the seat. "If you weren't still injured, I swear I'd strangle you."  
  
"Get in line." Sanzo's voice calls from above them. Just as Hakkai and Gojyo look up to see that they are now all together again, Sanzo tosses his towel aside and slides into the tub as well. "The monkey changed his mind. First the sauna, now here. He's been dragging me all over this place looking for you two. Don't know why. We see enough of each other as it is."  
  
Apparently, Sanzo is immune to Gojyo's glares, but that does not deter the redhead from continuing them. "So why the hell'd you listen to him, huh? Hakkai and I are just fine." Gojyo makes a point to look down into Goku's bright, golden eyes, directing his next word to him. "Really."  
  
Goku beams, eased at last, and lies his head back, enjoying the hot tub's warmth.  
  
Despite his desire to rest and recover, and despite how much he had been enjoying a little alone time with Sanzo, Goku hadn't been able to stop thinking about Gojyo's odd behavior earlier, afraid the kappa might do something drastic. Though Sanzo had not seen the amorous pair before they separated, Goku had, and he is quite content knowing that everything seems to be working out.  
  
"Yes, Goku." Hakkai puts in, inconspicuously inching a bit further from Gojyo to ensure Sanzo doesn't catch wise. "Gojyo and I are fine. You needn't have worried. No matter, though. The company is appreciated."  
  
"It is?" Gojyo speaks low, not trying to hide his disdain.  
  
"Of course." Hakkai replies, eyeing Gojyo kindly, silently expressing that there will be more than enough time for...recreational activities. "Relaxing together can be equally as stimulating as relaxing alone, and this way, we can all keep on eye on Goku should he feel a bit tipsy again."  
  
"Whatever." Sanzo dismisses, lounging back with a good amount of space separating him from the others. Clearly, his take on all this is the same as Hakkai's: why let those who know nothing, know anything at all.  
  
"Hey, no splashing. This is a hot tub, you dimwit." Gojyo growls down at Goku, after having been attacked by a sudden spray of steaming water. Goku, naturally, shrugs his shoulders, feigning innocence. "Like I'd believe that look for a second. Don't think you're safe just because you're an invalid. And what was with that cannonball, huh? Did I not tell you to take it easy? Stupid monkey."  
  
Goku retaliates by kicking Gojyo hard beneath the water.  
  
"Ow! You little shit! I swear to God--"  
  
"Urusai!!" Sanzo bellows, maintaining just as much malice as always, even without his trusty fan. "Relax if you're going to or go somewhere else."  
  
"Hey, you're the ones who invaded OUR space, remember. Damn priest."  
  
"Keep it up, cockroach, and I might just repay you with my gun up your ass."  
  
"Maa, maa, minna..."  
  
-----  
  
Out of sight from the ikkou, one of the bathhouse's attendants watches them closely, following their every move from behind the door to the towel room. He is dressed like the other attendants, but something in his eyes signals he is much more.  
  
An earpiece in his right ear remains hidden from view, allowing someone far off to speak to him without anyone else being able to hear. He speaks in reply, talking in hushed tones at a small device inside his shirt.  
  
"Yes, sir, I have them in my sights now. I can confirm their move to the bathhouse." he whispers, pausing to listen to the person on the other end of communication. "Right now? In the hot tubs, sir, laughing with his half-breed-loving friends. Two of them have limiters; the other is human. He's a Sanzo priest, sir." He listens again, nodding in agreement. "I understand. They will not be allowed to leave this town alive. Vengeance must be ours, and they will all suffer punishment. That half-breed especially..."  
  
Shifting further out of the towel room, though remaining hidden, he eyes the ikkou more critically, grimacing at their obvious enjoyment.  
  
"Yes, sir. Tonight. We will bring him to you, and the others will fall into our hands. We won't let you down."  
  
Ending the conversation, he gathers up a few stray towels to avoid suspicion, and slips out of the room, leaving the ikkou behind, while contemplating all the plans about to be put into motion.  
  
-----  
  
Hours and a few large meals later, Sanzo quietly sneaks into his room, having just returned from a final lounge in the sauna. Goku has been in bed for nearly an hour already, so Sanzo pads across the floor slowly, not wanting to disturb him and be forced to interact.  
  
Once over to his side of the room, Sanzo removes his robe--his terry-cloth robe for use in the bathhouse--and slips on a thin pair of cotton pants before collapsing down on the bed. He had knocked on Gojyo and Hakkai's door a moment earlier, intending to see whether or not they were settled and to make sure Gojyo wasn't out causing any trouble. Hakkai answered the door, but only for Sanzo to discover that Gojyo was out searching the little gift shop for gum--anything to ease his nicotine cravings--and that Hakkai seemed rather anxious to be rid of Sanzo and to have Gojyo back.  
  
Odd, Sanzo muses, though he does not dwell on the subject. Whatever is going on between those two, he figures it isn't his business.  
  
Allowing his eyes to blessedly close, Sanzo prepares to drift off without interruption. Barely a moment after getting settled, however, something soft yet firm suddenly collides with the side of his face. He grasps it instinctively, shooting up in bed to stare down at the item now gripped tightly in his hands.  
  
A pillow...?  
  
Almost instantly, the obvious answer dawns, and Sanzo darts his eyes to Goku's bed, finding the monkey wide awake, sitting up amongst his tangled sheets. "What the hell was that for?!" he growls, tossing the pillow back to its owner almost as harshly as it had been tossed at him.  
  
Goku catches it, returning it to its rightful place at the head of the bed, and then raises his prepared whiteboard. 'Sorry. I didn't know how else to get your attention.'  
  
Scowling darkly, Sanzo runs a fidgety hand through his hair and rolls his eyes. "What do you want? I thought you were asleep."  
  
Turning to his whiteboard, Goku busily works on another message, but when it is finished, he suddenly feels an overpowering sense of hesitation.  
  
"Well?" Sanzo presses, devoid of any patience, as always.  
  
Gathering his nerves, Goku decides he is beyond butterflies in the stomach at this point. The hardest of all of this is already behind him. 'Will you sleep with me?' his message states boldly, held in hands that simply refuse to shake or tremble.  
  
Sanzo's face becomes stark white, all anger lost in an expression of pure shock.  
  
'SLEEP, Sanzo. Nothing else.' Goku scribbles quickly, realizing his previous phrasing probably came across a little stronger than he intended.  
  
Although Sanzo regains his composure, he is not immediately agreeable. "What the hell do you need to be coddled for? You're not a child, despite the endless evidence to the contrary."  
  
Goku crumbles, absently clutching his board to his chest, his eyes filled with hurt emotion that look back at Sanzo as if to say, 'Why do you have to be so mean?'  
  
Sanzo sighs; he doesn't have an answer for that pained expression. He doesn't have any excuses or reasons to be so cynical, and yet he clings possessively to his bastardly demeanor out of habit and a sense of perverse comfort. Genjo Sanzo is a cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch. Always has been. Always will be.  
  
Then again...  
  
"Move over." the disgruntled blonde commands, heavily lifting himself out of bed as he crosses to Goku's.  
  
Positively glowing, Goku obeys, pulling back the covers and sliding over to the other side of the mattress. Sanzo makes no move to pull Goku close, but when the monkey takes the initiative and snuggles in against Sanzo's chest, he doesn't protest.  
  
To be honest, Goku had been asleep for quite awhile before Sanzo came back, but the presence of the sun always proves strong enough to rouse its worshipers. Now, coiled together under the covers, Goku truly feels at peace and as if he is making leaps and bounds further than he ever thought he could go.  
  
Before drifting off, Goku reaches up to tug on a strand of Sanzo's hair, only lightly, to get the priest's attention.  
  
Sanzo's already closed eyes reopen, peering down in annoyance. "What now?"  
  
Smiling a little devilishly, Goku offers no response, but the blush that floods to Sanzo's cheeks prove his intentions have been made clear.  
  
"You want a goodnight kiss, is that it?" Sanzo asks, keeping his lips set in a thin line. "If I pacify your childish needs will you quit bugging me and go to sleep?"  
  
Goku nods, grinning wider as he waits for what he has requested.  
  
Dipping down briefly, Sanzo places a feather-light kiss on Goku's lips, barely lingering long enough for it to truly count as a kiss at all.  
  
Goku's infamous pout returns with a vengeance, his golden eyes narrowing in indignant disbelief. His expression clearly states, 'You call that a kiss?'  
  
"A little isn't enough for you, is it?" Sanzo frowns. "You want everything, and you expect me to give you everything. How easy do you think that is for me? I know I let you kiss me before, and I know I kissed you back, but even those weren't what you're asking from me now. The moment I hand over everything--truly everything--it can never be taken back. But YOU can. You can be taken away. If that happens, what will I be left with if everything I am has been given to you...?"  
  
Goku's pout trickles away to reveal an expression more mature than his youthful features usually allow, filled with complete comprehension. In some ways, Goku is already prepared for this. He expected it, knowing of Sanzo's past and what happened to Koumyo, and now it is up to him to deal with it.  
  
Taking hold of Sanzo's hand, Goku lifts it to place it palm down against his chest. Sanzo stares hard at that imagine, his hand on Goku's heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath his palm, and somehow...he can hear Goku speaking. Just as he had so many years past when he was first called to find Goku in that cave, he hears Goku's gentle voice speaking in his mind.  
  
'If something happens to me, _this_ is what you'll have left. No matter what happens or where I go, I will always love you, and that can never be taken away. I promise I will do everything in my power to stay by your side. I'm offering everything, too. I'm risking losing everything just like you. To me, loving you is worth that everything. Everything I am and everything I'll be. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not dying any time soon, and if I do, I will claw my way back from heaven or hell or wherever, whatever it takes, just to get back to you.'  
  
Sanzo looks up, caught within Goku's shimmering eyes the moment they make contact with his. Goku is smiling. Somehow, he knows that Sanzo has heard every word his heart has spoken.  
  
Leaving his hand over Goku's heart, Sanzo lifts the other to the boy's face, brushing back a few strands of chocolate hair. He strokes the smooth skin of Goku's jaw, and then, gently gripping that tiny chin, he pulls Goku's lips against his.  
  
At first, the kiss mirrors the ones from that morning--soft and chaste--but when everything is finally being put on the line, there is no need to hold back. Licking lightly at Goku's bottom lip, Sanzo presses for entrance, met eagerly by an admitting tongue determined to consume him. There is no fight for dominance; they equally prod and give way, both digging deep and holding back, all in rhythm with each other. A part of Sanzo feels as if Goku is sucking the life right out of him, the intensity of the boy's need leaving his lips swollen and pink.

Damn. Giving everything never felt so good.  
  
Pulling back, at a loss for air, Sanzo shudders deeply, heat having risen high in his cheeks. He stares back at Goku, caught off guard by the boy's half-lidded eyes and crooked grin. He looks positively intoxicating.  
  
"Happy now?" Sanzo questions gruffly, his voice heavy and breathless. "I don't think Hakkai would appreciate it if we placed your recovery in any more peril."  
  
Hint taken.  
  
Fully satiated, Goku snuggles in against Sanzo's side, digging his head into the crook of the blonde's smooth neck, where he places a light, parting kiss to signal he is content and ready for sleep.  
  
"Baka..." Sanzo breathes, running his hands tenderly through Goku's hair. "...what am I letting you get me into...?"

tbc...  
  
A/N: Better, boys and girls? I thought you deserved a less cliff-hanger-like ending this time. Next part will start with how Gojyo and Hakkai are spending the night, and it will also explain a little more about that out of place bathhouse attendent and what he and his buddies are planning. (evil laughter) Just when you think things are working out, the ground gets pulled out from under you. Hope you all enjoyed the action. Next part will change this fic to an R, so be ready to look for that. ;-) Thanks again for so many great reviews. Love ya!  
  
Crim


	10. Ten

(Damn I need a cigarette.) Gojyo chants irritably, turning one of the many mazelike corners on his way back to his and Hakkai's room. (I've never been this nervous in my entire life. Am I losing my touch? The great Sha Gojyo has bedded some of the feistiest women in Shangri La; what's one man?) Pausing in his step, Gojyo almost bursts out laughing. (One man? Heh. One man is worth the whole world when that man is Cho Hakkai. Oh, gods, if you're really up there, and if you give even the slightest damn about this fool down here, please don't let me screw this up...)  
  
With the last corner quickly turned, the room is soon in sight, and long before Gojyo has composed himself enough to enter, his hand is on the doorknob and he knocks lightly before slipping inside.  
  
Hakkai greets him with a genuine and obviously relieved smile. He is no longer in his bathhouse robe as Gojyo is, but wears his thin pants and black nightshirt, having just finished setting up a bed for Hakuryuu on the windowsill. "No luck finding any gum?" he asks, noting Gojyo's empty hands.  
  
"Nah. Should have thought of it earlier." Gojyo replies, sauntering across the carpet slowly, still a little unsure what his next move should be. "It's not that big a deal, I just feel a little on edge, ya know? My hands keep twitching and my mouth feels all...I don't know...like it's missin' somethin'."  
  
"Ah. I see." Hakkai comments languidly, standing from his seat on the bed, and regarding Gojyo with an odd glint at the corners of his eyes. "Well, then, it sounds as if you should be putting it to some use, don't you think?"  
  
Gojyo blanches. The hot tub had been one thing, but to be honest, he really hadn't thought about how things would go to the next level.  
  
"Or...perhaps..." Hakkai begins softly, deliberately halting his words as he crosses closer to where Gojyo is standing. "...perhaps I should be putting mine to use instead."  
  
"Okay, hang on a sec." Gojyo jumps in, holding up his hands as if to fend Hakkai off, while taking a timid step back. "I'm really enjoying this side of you and all, but...I gotta say...frisky-Hakkai is scaring the hell out of me. You sure you're not possessed or something, coz...this seems a little too easy after all I went through to get here. Not that I'm calling you easy! I just meant...I mean...ah shit...I...well..."  
  
"Gojyo." Hakkai breaks in, happily coming to Gojyo's rescue. He has stopped his advancing at about three feet from his companion, and wears his smile easily, finding Gojyo's fumbling for words more charming than anything. "I understand your difficulty in coming to grips with my...more amorous qualities. It's just...I only...well, I just thought...why waste any more time when we have wasted so much already? You say you've loved me for years, and I realize, the more I think of it, I have shared your feelings for just as long. Only...I couldn't see what was right in front of my face. You know what they say, 'Todai motto kurashi.' Ne?"  
  
"So...you're calling me a lighthouse?"  
  
Hakkai's familiar ring of laughter fills the room, so light and melodic since it is so rarely genuine. "Gojyo, in all honesty, I am portraying a sense of ease stronger than what I am feeling. But why should we let our apprehensions get in the way of what we want? I rather enjoyed our time in the hot tub, and I was hoping to continue where we were interrupted. Starting with making up for my tardiness in recognizing how much you have to offer."  
  
Arms shooting out, Hakkai roughly grabs Gojyo's shoulders, jerking him forward into an abrupt kiss. Gojyo's breath is instantly gone, caught by thrilled surprise as he surrenders to the pressure of Hakkai's lips and searching tongue.  
  
Amorous qualities indeed. It must be rather trying keeping up such a calm and asexual façade. No wonder Hakkai's kiss is so desperate, so passionate, that it is almost bruising.  
  
When at last Hakkai releases Gojyo's lips, his grip on the kappa's shoulders remains, as if afraid Gojyo will suddenly disappear and prove to be an illusion.  
  
Flushed with color, Gojyo grins crookedly, having forgotten his previous reservations. "So...is that what you meant by putting your mouth to use?" he leers, licking his lips slowly--deliberately.  
  
"Not quite. Lay down on the bed...and I'll show you."  
  
Gojyo is not a man to be told twice.  
  
Chuckling softly, Hakkai removes his monocle and sets it aside, casting a fleeting glance at Hakuryuu in the window to be sure the dragon is fast asleep. When he turns back, Gojyo is lounging back on the bed, smiling widely as he waits to be joined. The collar of his robe is open to expose his tanned chest, and enough of his legs are visible for Hakkai to be quite certain Gojyo is wearing nothing underneath.  
  
Hakkai crawls up from the foot of the bed, prowling, with a leg on either side of Gojyo when he reaches high enough to once again capture the redhead's lips. It is brief, though thoroughly arousing, and when Hakkai pulls back, the smirk he offers Gojyo is enough to send the kappa into fits of expectant shivers.  
  
Slithering his hands down Gojyo's body, Hakkai undoes the tie to his companion's robe, smoothing it open with his hands gliding across the skin of Gojyo's chest. He does not remove Gojyo's arms from the sleeves, but opens the robe wide, revealing the entirety of the hanyou's rapidly flushing body.  
  
Hakkai's suspicions prove to be correct; Gojyo is not wearing anything beneath the robe, and he is already quite excited by Hakkai's advancements.  
  
"Hmmm...you really are a redhead, aren't you?" he winks, casting a low-level glance. "I bet there are some very jealous women out there right now, wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"Yeah...but they ain't jealous of _you_." Gojyo grins back, finding it nearly impossible to keep the fluttering in his stomach at bay. Try as he might, he can't help being nervous. After all, this isn't one of those random women from the past; this is someone who matters.  
  
Hakkai.  
  
Grinning madly and flushed a little himself now, Hakkai lightly pecks Gojyo's lips again, before beginning a descending trail down the kappa's neck and torso, until coming deliciously close to the sensitive areas below his waist.

Gojyo's breath catches in his throat. Is Hakkai really about to do what he thinks he is? It certainly seems so as Hakkai's tongue darts out the lower he reaches, increasing Gojyo's tortuous suspense. It is too perfect. Too wonderful. But most of all...it is _really_ happening.  
  
Tossing up a final, devilish glance at Gojyo's heated and expectant face, Hakkai's tongue darts out a few moments more before he slowly, eagerly takes Gojyo into his mouth.  
  
Something in Gojyo instantly explodes, and he nearly bucks upwards, completely floored. Staring down at that enticingly sexy image--Hakkai working him with such impossible care and attention--is more than his nerves can take. It is something so consuming with warmth and teasing pressure, all offered by the man he loves more than he has loved anything his entire life.  
  
Again, Gojyo can't help thinking that it is too perfect, too wonderful. But it isn't. It is perfect and wonderful because it is. They have both waited long enough to find true intimacy with another. Centuries longer, in fact, than either of them realize...  
  
"...holy...shit...!" Gojyo gasps, clutching back at the sheets on either side. "How...the hell...are you so...fucking...good at this...?!"  
  
Hakkai's light laugh murmurs against Gojyo's skin, sending a chilling vibration up his body. Every part of him feels aflame, brought to life, as if Hakkai IS his life and is giving it to him, inch by glorious inch.  
  
"Shit...ah, fuck...Hakkai...you have to stop..." Gojyo pleads after a few agonizingly perfect minutes, reaching a shaking hand to run through Hakkai's soft, brown hair. "...any more and...I'm gonna...break apart...and...we wouldn't want to...spoil things...before we even...get started, right...?"  
  
Respectfully obeying, Hakkai slowly pulls away, running a tired tongue over his dampened lips as he crawls back up. "A bit too much for you?" he teases, adoring the heavy labor of Gojyo's breathing.  
  
"Fuck you." Gojyo grins, swallowing down the rapid pounding of his pulse.  
  
Hakkai chuckles, sliding a hand down Gojyo's chest until reaching far enough to grip the kappa's still excited extremity. "Actually, I think I'll fuck _you_."  
  
Despite the recent level of blood that has rushed to Gojyo's face, he manages to pale, biting back a yelp in response to that throbbing, perfect grip. "Why do I feel I've gotten in over my head?"  
  
Hakkai's grin widens and he kindly removes his hand, trailing it back up Gojyo's hips and chest, just light enough to send pleasant chills throughout Gojyo's body. "It's only fair, you know? I offered you something, now you offer something to me. On your stomach, please."  
  
"Whoa! Hang on here. Can't we...talk about this...?"  
  
"You wish to protest?"  
  
"Well, I...I just thought...I mean...this is _me_ we're talking about. I don't play uke for anyone."  
  
"No?" Hakkai questions, wearing something almost like a pout, which adorably plays up his mock-disappointment. "So, you expected _I'd_ play the woman?"  
  
"No! I...wait. Isn't that what you're expecting of me?"  
  
Hakkai's smile returns, though with a certain serious twist, and he dips down, his nose nearly making contact with Gojyo's. "No. I'm expected equal opportunity. I know _I_ will be willing to play submissive when the time comes, but I need to be certain you will, too. Neither of us is the woman, Gojyo. Don't forget that."  
  
Stripped of authority and power, Gojyo finds himself oddly content, and grins back in reply, admiring Hakkai's position, as well as his tactics for getting it across. "I won't. I promise. You're the only factor that matters in this. Top or bottom doesn't make a shred of difference, as long as you're part of the equation. So...on with the dominatrix act, Hakkai-san. Ravage me." he adds in a husky whisper.  
  
"Oh, believe me...I will."  
  
Deeply, Hakkai captures Gojyo's lips again, running his hands down the front of Gojyo's chest. Carefully, he begins to slip Gojyo's arms from the sleeves of his robe, but just as he is about to command Gojyo to undress him, he suddenly stops and pulls away.  
  
Gojyo looks up at him, expecting, yet at the same time, concerned.  
  
"Gomen...it's just...we need..." Hakkai trails off, raising his eyebrows to stress the point, knowing Gojyo will understand.  
  
"Shit, I didn't even think of that!" Gojyo exclaims. The moment is unfairly broken and Hakkai's lips and hands are no longer on his body. Needless to say, Gojyo is not a happy half-breed.  
  
"I don't suppose you have any?" Hakkai asks hopefully.  
  
"It's been a while, remember? Besides, I didn't usually bother with women and you're the first and only man, so...I guess we're gonna have to find something."  
  
"Well, we are in a bathhouse, ne? There are a number of things they keep around places like this that could act as substitution."  
  
"And I know just where to find them!" Gojyo shouts, struck by a perfectly-timed moment of genius. "I got a good look around when I was searching for gum and saw where they keep all the massage oils. I'm sure I can find something...suitable." Grudgingly, though nodding in relief, Hakkai rolls off to the side, allowing Gojyo to get up and retie his robe before heading out. "Think you can hang in there long enough for me to run grab something?"  
  
Carefully contemplating this as Gojyo treks to the door, Hakkai teasingly smirks when the redhead pauses to look back. "I suppose so. But take too long and I'll have you making it up to me well into morning."  
  
With a farewell wink, Gojyo signals his promise to be swift, and slips out into the hallway, dead set on completing this mission in record time.  
  
(Okay...two left turns, hang a sharp right, and then it's the third door on my...wait. Was that the supply closet or the laundry room? Ah shit. Okay, it was a sharp right, then two lefts, and the second door on my...I have no idea. Maybe one of the attendants is still up and a--) Gojyo's internal monologue abruptly cuts off, and he spins around, struck by the faint sound of shuffling behind him. (What was that?)  
  
Advancing a few steps to the end of the hallway, Gojyo approaches the corner with caution, trained to be on edge after the slightest of unexpected disturbances. Creeping closer and closer, he hugs the wall, and with his fists raised to fight, he suddenly jumps out into the open around the corner, coming face to face with...nothing.  
  
(Che. This journey west is making me paranoid.) he sneers, hands falling back to his sides. (Now, where was I...?) Meaning to head the other direction, believing his destination to be somewhere in that general area of the bathhouse, Gojyo turns back, only to be met instantly by something hard against his jaw.  
  
Gojyo crumbles to the ground, caught off guard, and stares up with dazed eyes to make out five or six figures in black, seemingly coming out of the woodwork to surround him. He really must be distracted tonight, he scolds, ashamed at being taken down so unaware.  
  
Before he has recovered himself enough to react, he is able to make out the familiar crest on one of the men's sleeves as what looks to be a damp cloth is brought down towards his face.  
  
"Hak--!" he tries, barely squeaking out a syllable before that cloth is pressed firm against his nose and mouth, choking off his air. He tries to breath, but finds the air to be sour and coarse inside the cloth. He realizes too late that he should have been trying NOT to breathe, feeling a strange dizziness overtake him as the darkened hallway fades to black.  
  
(No...not now...not...now...)  
  
"Get him up." one of the men in black commands. "I want us back at headquarters before any of his friends catch wise. Move out!"  
  
-----  
  
In the room next to Gojyo and Hakkai's, Sanzo and Goku continue sleeping peacefully, still curled together tightly, though now Goku's arms are sprawled over Sanzo's chest and his legs are wrapped possessively around the monk, as well. Somehow, Sanzo is not disturbed in the slightest by the sudden--and frequent--kick or jerk from the monkey beside him. Even Goku's soft whimpers or occasional light snores are more a lullaby to Sanzo than a nuisance. After all, he has had more than enough time to get used to Goku's abnormal sleeping style.  
  
No frightening dreams haunt either of their sleeps tonight, but there would be no need. The greatest nightmare is at this very moment occurring in the waking world, though they are not yet aware...  
  
"Sanzo! Goku! Okite, kudasai!"  
  
Sanzo stirs, drawn out of slumber by the harsh knocking and frantic cries of Hakkai on the other side of their door. He has just enough time to realize that Goku is blinking awake, as well, when Hakkai's patience wears out, and the panicked brunette bursts through into the room.  
  
"Sanzo! Goku! Ano...sumimasen." he shifts suddenly, his cries dropping to a polite, apologetic tone upon seeing his friends' current positions.  
  
Suddenly, his coiled closeness to Goku becomes anything _but_ comfortable, and Sanzo kicks the boy away, pushing him to the other side of the bed. "What is it?" he barks, casting his castoff pet a sideways look that begs him not to make a scene over this. Goku scowls, but reluctantly obeys; he understands that Sanzo is the least vocal among them when it comes to affection, and it will take some time before he is willing to admit their relationship to the others.  
  
"It's Gojyo." Hakkai begins, desperate emotion written over every pale feature as he easily forgets the sight he had first walked in on. "He went to get something and never came back. At first, I thought he'd only gotten lost, but it's been over 20 minutes now and I can't find him anywhere."  
  
Sanzo rolls his eyes in frustration, thoroughly convinced now that he has been roused for nothing. "So what? He probably just found some girl to run off with. What do you care?"  
  
"No, Sanzo." Hakkai replies evenly. "He wanted to get back to the room. Trust me."  
  
Goku looks to his friends in worry, easily picking up on Hakkai's meaning and knowing the older brunette has to be correct; nothing would stand in Gojyo's way if getting back to the room meant spending 'quality time' with Hakkai. As much as Sanzo wishes he didn't get it, he, too, recognizes what Hakkai is saying.  
  
Simultaneously getting out of bed, Sanzo and Goku approach Hakkai in the center of the room, all three readying themselves for what may prove to be a very long night.  
  
"If someone's taken him, where the hell are we supposed to start? It's the middle of the night." Sanzo grumbles, his concern stated as it always is--through his sharp tongue and annoyed expression.  
  
"I sent Hakuryuu out to look around." Hakkai explains, walking over to the window and opening it wide, which releases a swift, cooling breeze into the room. "He should be back soon."  
  
"And if he hasn't found anything?"  
  
"I...I don't know..."  
  
"Kyuu!!" interrupts Hakuryuu's well-timed call, as he flies into the window Hakkai has just propped open. "Kyuu! Kyuu!"  
  
Hakkai reaches up to catch Hakuryuu on his arm as the others close in around him, all waiting expectantly to discover what has been found out. "Did you find him, Hakuryuu? Any signs at all?"  
  
"Kyu! Kyu!" the little dragon nods, and continues fluttering madly as he chirps out his tale to Hakkai, who--to everyone's continued, awed surprise--always knows what his pet is saying.  
  
"He found a trail that leads out of town into a nearby wood. He says it smells like Gojyo. No traces of blood, as far as he could tell. That's good."  
  
"Let's go." Sanzo commands, reaching for his long ago discarded robe. "And pray that idiot's hide is as thick as we think it is."

tbc...  
  
A/N: First off, thank you Battle Mynt for the quote! I loved it from the start and just needed to find the right time to use it. For those who don't know, Hakkai's phrase "Todai motto kurashi," means 'there is no light at the base of a lighthouse.' Or, it's hard to see things that are close to you.  
  
Sorchafyre, a special thanks for your wonderful review, and yes, I did enjoy the convention.  
  
On that note, I am so sorry I missed you, Chibi Assassin! I looked too, but the only person I saw in Asuka's yellow party dress said she wasn't you when I asked. If you watched the cosplay I was in a group of 4 girls dressed like final fantasy characters. I was Paine, with silver sprayed hair that was up, but maybe looked short, in a black and red, somewhat revealing costume.  
  
To everyone else, especially those so wonderfully loyal about keeping me so motivated, thank you so much. Some of you always have something poignant to say, even if it's criticism, and I really appreciate it. Okay, on with the next chapter soon, which will be rather heart-wrenching, but all part of my master plan. Love ya, minna!  
  
Crim


	11. Eleven

"Hakkai, hold on! You're getting ahead of us!" Sanzo calls into the thick of trees, following along the clumsily left path through the forest with Goku at his side.  
  
A moment later, the pair comes upon Hakkai around a bend, looking back at them impatiently. "I know Goku is still weak, but we can't afford to dawdle. We don't know what they might be doing to him."  
  
"I'm more worried right now about what they're planning on doing to us. It's obvious they left this path on purpose. This is too easy, and you know it."  
  
Goku nods in agreement, unable to offer any words since he left his pad behind in the bathhouse, knowing it would only get in the way. Sanzo and Hakkai had both initially protested to his coming along at all, but Goku was stubborn and steadfast, and vowed to follow even if they left him behind. Besides, there is no telling how many enemies await them, and even if those enemies are only human, it's always better to have more numbers for the fight ahead.  
  
"We don't even have a concrete plan, and Hakuryuu hasn't come back yet from scouting." Sanzo states with a frown. "What we really can't afford is barging in head first into a trap. You have to calm down, Hakkai. We'll find him."  
  
Since leaving the bathhouse after a quick change of clothes, Hakkai has visibly been the most shaken of the group in facing what is happening. Sanzo isn't surprised, and wouldn't be even if he wasn't slowly beginning to understand what has been developing between his friends.  
  
Hakkai nods in response to Sanzo's words, attempting a smile that falls surprisingly short for one so skilled at feigning one. His heart has been on his sleeve since this whole mess began, and the consequences of that are beginning to show.  
  
Placing a reassuring hand on Hakkai's shoulder, Goku hopes to solidify Sanzo's subtly offered comfort, met by immense gratitude Hakkai can only maintain for a moment before pulling away, intent on continuing through the trees.  
  
"I'm sorry. I won't get ahead anymore." Hakkai assures, looking back over his shoulder as he waits for his friends to follow. "But, please, we have to hurry. I have such a horrible feeling. As if...as if I may never see him again..."  
  
Sanzo and Goku say nothing as they trail behind, pushing forward through the trees, knowing that more unsupported hope is not what any of them need right now. What they need is a shred of real hope. A sign--anything--that might tell them their search is not in vain.  
  
"Kyuuuu!" screeches Hakuryuu's sudden cry somewhere above them, further ahead.  
  
Hakkai stops in his tracks--Sanzo and Goku stopping just behind him--and looks up, searching the sky for signs of that call. A moment later, he spots his pet, soaring at record speeds towards them through the trees. "Hakuryuu!" he shouts, beaming at this possible beacon of good news. That initial belief is rather ill founded, however, for Hakuryuu's flight is not one of urgency to inform, but one of fear.  
  
Shooting past the trees, darting in between them and around them, Hakuryuu appears to be trying to outrun something. He is, the ikkou realizes, for right on his tail is a spear, mystically set to flight as it follows every move the little dragon makes in attempt to escape that deadly blade.  
  
"Hakuryuu!" Hakkai calls again, his hopes mercilessly shattered for the sake of every possibility he is wishing won't come true.  
  
And then...suddenly...too sudden...the chase is over. Hakkai stares, wide eyed, not believing, not seeing, not accepting that he is being forced to see such a sight--a loved one cut down--as he had once before.  
  
The poor dragon had faltered, winded from such reckless flight, and in that moment of hesitation, the spear caught up, pinning him to a tree right in front of Hakkai's eyes.  
  
"Hakuryuu!!" Hakkai screams, his voice shrill with panic as he darts towards the tree, gripping the now harmless spear and pulling it free to toss it aside. Hakuryuu falls limply to the ground, practically cleaved in two. He doesn't move. "Hakuryuu..."  
  
"Hakkai, hurry! They're just ahead of us!" informs Sanzo's vaguely distant voice, though he is barely a foot behind Hakkai's back.  
  
Hakkai kneels, ignoring Sanzo's call, and gently lifts Hakuryuu's still body onto his lap. "Hakuryuu...forgive me..."  
  
"Hakkai!!"  
  
"...always protecting us...always sent ahead to make sure the path is clear...my dear, little friend..."  
  
"Hakkai, get a grip!" Sanzo's voice shouts, right beside his ear now, as the monk's large hand clamps down hard on Hakkai's shoulder. "You can't do anything to help Hakuryuu now, but we can still save Gojyo. Those bastards are all around us, and we don't have time to look back...even if one of us falls."  
  
Hakkai gives no hesitation as he lays Hakuryuu back on the ground and stands. "I would have made them pay..." he breathes, just loud enough for Sanzo and Goku to hear. "...but now they will suffer. And if anything has happened to Gojyo...they will wish they'd never been born." Turning briskly back to the path through the trees, Hakkai offers no other words to his friends, his features twisted into an expression neither ever imagined they would see.  
  
It is something fiercer than the look of a killer. It runs deeper than the youkai blood in Hakkai's veins, because his hatred runs deeper than all forms of love. And it shows.  
  
Sanzo and Goku pay no mind to Hakkai's pulsing anger and determination. There isn't time to dwell, and Gojyo is still somewhere ahead, along with whatever scheme the Akaanai have planned.  
  
Looking back briefly over his shoulder as he follows Sanzo and Hakkai into the trees, Goku bites back his tears at the sight of Hakuryuu broken--gone. The little dragon has always been a friend to him, and a close companion to them all. Not just by acting as transportation, but by coming to their rescue when least expected. Once again, Goku can't help thinking this is all...somehow...his fault.  
  
"Goku, watch out!" cries Sanzo's voice ahead of him. Goku realizes he has allowed his thoughts to drift, and instinctively throws himself to the ground at Sanzo's warning. Just then, a bullet goes soaring above the saru's head, having only just missed him.  
  
Looking up, Goku's eyes dart wildly to spot a familiar face, or even an enemy, but the trees have become so thick ahead, he can't even make out Sanzo's robes. That is, until they come flying towards him from the side as the priest slams into him, knocking him down again. Goku looks up, at first pleased, assuming Sanzo has saved him from what must have been another attack, but then...then...his expression of gratitude slips into unease. Sanzo is holding him down with one hand, while the other...is clicking back the cock of his gun.  
  
Opening his mouth to question this strange act, Goku grudgingly remembers he still can't speak, not without causing further damage. But what the hell is Sanzo doing?! Is he actually steadying his gun...? The barrel is pointed right at Goku's forehead, and the monk's expression betrays a wicked smirk, not befitting him at all.  
  
Sanzo is going to shoot him.  
  
Still stunned into immobility, Goku stares at Sanzo beseechingly, pleading with the sheer force of his eyes, something that has often proven to soften even Sanzo's worst moods.  
  
The blonde priest would never truly want to kill him. Would he? Has Goku done something unforgivable enough to warrant this untimely demise? Has Goku proven to be too worthless after all this time? Has Sanzo lost his mind!?  
  
Goku stares down the barrel of Sanzo's gun...and closes his eyes, unable to fight something he can't understand, waiting for the shot to come.  
  
"Goku!!"  
  
Sanzo? But how could it be? Sanzo is on top of him, and that voice sounded as if it had come from a few yards away.  
  
"Goku, that's not--!" the voice cuts off, ending in an odd, strangled cry, following the echo of a blast--a blast sounding very much like one of Hakkai's.  
  
The voice had indeed been Sanzo's, there is no question in Goku's mind. Which means...! Goku's eyes spring open, glaring daggers at the grinning blonde on top of him, who is preparing to fire his oh so familiar-looking gun. But familiar is not enough, and the truth screams its way into Goku's mind: This is NOT Sanzo.  
  
Bringing his knees up fiercely, Goku slams them hard into the stomach of his attacker, knocking him to the side and causing him to lose the grip on his gun, slipping it from his fingers. More proof; nothing could ever make the real Sanzo lose his gun so easily.  
  
Goku gets to his feet and immediately sprints ahead, searching about madly for his true companions, but before he can make a complete escape, a strong grip clasps onto his wrist, holding him back. Spinning quickly and readying his fist, Goku swings, connecting with the imposter's jaw.  
  
"Damn saru! What the hell was that for!?" Sanzo barks.  
  
Oops.

Goku smiles sheepishly and shrugs, pointing back at the real imposter, who is still on the ground.

Sanzo rolls his eyes, momentarily favoring his injured jaw, before swiftly pulling out his gun to point it at his double and fire. The fake Sanzo smiles as the bullet approaches, but vanishes before it can make contact.

Sanzo gapes, lowering his arm slowly. "A mirage?" he questions. "A mirage with solid form and the ability to attack. Perfect. Just what the hell are we up against?"  
  
As he and Goku are about to turn forward again in search of Hakkai, the brunette suddenly appears on the path, panting heavily. Exhaustedly wiping at his forehead before approaching the others, he offers them his best attempt at a weak and winded smile.  
  
"Any idea what's going on?" Sanzo asks him, wearing his usual scowl. "We keep pushing ahead, but all we're finding is more trees. Then, when we think we're dealing with the enemy, it's actually copies of us. I've already dodged one of you and dusted one of myself. Just how many more are there?"  
  
Hakkai gives no reply, walking more purposefully as his smile widens and he raises his hands, a small ball of warm light building with crackling energy between his palms.  
  
"Shit! Goku, get down!"  
  
BLAST! The ball of light crashes into the ground, upturning a shower of grass and soil, having missed Sanzo and Goku by mere inches when they dove to the side. Both gather themselves up quickly, though, Sanzo readying his gun as Goku summons his long-forgotten staff.  
  
The Hakkai-look-alike smirks wickedly, preparing another energy ball as Sanzo and Goku surround him. On the surface, he is wholly Hakkai, down to the paleness of his right eye in comparison with the left, but that smirk, the light _behind_ those eyes, is as foreign as the fake Sanzo--nothing like their friend.  
  
Pulling back, the Hakkai imposter readies himself to release the growing ball of ki, looking from one prey to the next, making them guess at which one will actually be targeted. But just as he is about to release it, a blast of energy suddenly collides with _him_, shattering his copied form into a million cosmic pieces that fade as they fall to the ground.  
  
"Stealing someone else's image? I hardly call that playing fair." reprimands the REAL Hakkai, with his pleasant, though understandably strained voice. The brunette appears from out of the trees, gesturing his companions to him. "The clearing is just ahead. I'm afraid I have also had the displeasure of disposing of an imposter-Goku, and I dearly hope there aren't any more."  
  
"If they think that little parlor trick is enough to do us in, they aren't as bright as I thought." Sanzo comments, meeting up with Hakkai at the final line of trees with Goku just behind him. "Still, we better be on guard. They may not be real, but they're still solid. Who knows what's waiting for us."  
  
With a unified nod, the members of the shrunken ikkou ready their weapons--or flex their fingers, as in Hakkai's case--and position themselves accordingly before bursting through the trees into the clearing beyond.  
  
Nothing could have prepared them for what they see on the other side. The Akaanai, yes, but so much more than that. An army of...themselves...awaits them. A hundred replicas of Sanzo, Goku, and Hakkai, if not more, all lie in wait for an impossible ambush.

At the other end of the clearing, a small stone complex rests with a large tree just beside the entrance. "Nice to see you found the place." booms a voice from inside the doorway. "We assumed you would. Our mild diversions before were only a taste. We _wanted_ you to get this far. I would have hated to rid the world of one of its vermin without its friends to witness the execution."  
  
As these words finish, the voice's owner appears from inside the complex, followed by two lower ranking Akaanai, each holding one of Gojyo's arms. They drag the redhead along--they have to, it seems--for Gojyo's legs don't appear to be working. He is dressed in a pair of ratty, black pants and is covered in grime. His hair is tousled, but somehow manages to retain a small bit of its shine and beauty, as do his eyes, staring out at his friends with a mixture of great relief and great pain.  
  
He doesn't even take notice of the many copies of his friends in all directions. All he sees is the real thing.  
  
"Gojyo!" Hakkai cries, unthinkingly lowering the hands that had begun to crackle with energy.  
  
A coarse laugh answers that call, though it is not the voice Hakkai had been hoping to hear. "You came just for him, didn't you?" the Akaanai leader sneers, leading the men holding Gojyo to stand just in front of that large tree, a straight shot from the ikkou, though it is still a good distance away. "How...touching. But I'm afraid we have no intention of letting him go."  
  
This phrase holds a certain permanence, and Gojyo looks panicked, not for himself, but for his friends. None of them can bear seeing him so distraught and weakened, but that look of sheer hopelessness clings to his features, looking over the heads of a sea of obstacles separating him from his friends.  
  
Staring at each of them in turn, Gojyo eventually focuses solely on Hakkai, and his mouth begins to open in an attempt to speak. But no words come, for just as he is about to offer whatever wisdom or words of affection he has inside himself to speak, the leader of the Akaanai reels back and punches him hard in the stomach, sending Gojyo into a fit of raucous coughs.  
  
Hakkai steps forward, wanting so badly to push ahead through the many bodies between him and his friend, despite the danger he would be putting himself in. "Stop this!" he pleads, his eyes unable to leave Gojyo's withered form. "Let him go! He has done nothing to you!"  
  
"Nothing?" the leader challenges, signaling to his subordinates, who immediately begin wrapping Gojyo's wrists with rope. "He murdered one of our members, and you call that nothing?!"  
  
"_You_ attacked _him_. He was only retaliating. How can you blame a man for fighting back?"  
  
But Hakkai's words are offered no immediate response, and he watches in horror as Gojyo is strung up from a branch of that tree, hanging from his wrists with his feet just enough above the ground to grant him no reprieve.  
  
"Please, stop this." Hakkai tries again, every nerve in his body itching to spring into action, no matter how foolish the action may be. "You're mercenaries. With your skills, think of all you could do to help the people out there being attacked by youkai. Stop this campaign against hanyou. Even the many youkai, so confused and misguided now, are at the core no different from you. Gojyo, who has suffered none of the affects of what is afflicting purebloods, is not your enemy."  
  
"When the youkai were our friends, we eagerly accepted them as equals." the Akaanai general replies, bringing himself parallel with Gojyo's dangling form. "We _have_ been out there helping now that they are diseased, but our campaign is a just one. We are hunting down something that never should have existed. Humans and youkai CAN coexist, but the races canNOT interbreed. It's unnatural, and the products of something so disgusting must be wiped from the earth." The Akaanai leader pulls a syringe from his coat, filled with a sickly, yellow liquid. "I have already given him a small dose of this. It is only a mild poison, enough to weaken his responses and keep him immobile. Another dose, however, while the other has yet to finish coursing through him...hehehe..._that_ would be fatal."

Unable to do anything to stop him, the ikkou watches in horror as he injects the poison into Gojyo's arm.

"Let's see if you can get to him in time, shall we?"  
  
Almost immediately, the many copies of the ikkou begin moving forward, readying their mirror-image weapons. Hakkai, Sanzo, and Goku all tense, preparing for the worst. Hakkai, however, cannot steal his eyes from Gojyo, even as the battle is about to begin.

The half-breed is already beaten, his eyes already dimmed as he stares out at his friends, begging for something they may not be able to give.  
  
"You cowards!" Sanzo seethes, firing off a few haphazard shots to fend off the impending attack. "You won't even fight your own battle!?"  
  
They are offered no reply as the many copies descend, grabbing at their arms and pulling them each in different directions until all three are surrounded and unable to tell their real friends from the fakes.  
  
Sanzo fires a few random shots at some of the fakes near him, but he hesitates in fighting much more for fear of hitting the real thing. The others are having the same problem, Hakkai and Goku only striking out at those bodies closest to them, hoping the targets they hit are indeed the ones they should be hitting.  
  
"This is insane! How are we supposed to fight like this!?" Sanzo barks, slamming the butt of his gun over the head of an imposter-saru who had gotten a little too close.  
  
"Sanzo!" calls out Hakkai's anxious voice, sounding from somewhere hidden from the priest's direct line of sight. "We have to get to Gojyo! We can't afford to be held back like this!"  
  
"And what do you suggest we do?! If we barrel ahead, firing at everything in our path, we'll end up killing each other! That's what they want us to do!"  
  
"If we don't get to him, Gojyo's going to die! _That's_ what they want! There has to be another way!"  
  
Jerking to the side to free his shoulder from a merciless grip by one of his own look-alikes, Sanzo suddenly catches sight of the true Hakkai, recognizing him by seeing his lips move with the words of that last phrase. "Hakkai, keep talking!" he shouts, gesturing wildly to capture the brunette's attention.  
  
Hakkai spots him and nods, instantly understanding, but when he shouts out for Goku to speak up as well, they are both struck by the brutal reminder of their friend's handicap.  
  
"I'm...here...!" forces out a strangled cry off to their right.  
  
Somehow, Sanzo catches sight of him, and holds tightly to that image--along with Hakkai's--locking the positions of his friends within his visual memory. "Don't lose sight of each other! Hakkai, keep talking! Goku, I swear I won't take my eyes off you! Now...let's show these fakes what the real thing can do!"  
  
A succession of gunshots, blasts, and the impact of wood sound all around them, all their weapons firing and striking out, rapidly ridding the immediate area of their imposter-selves. True to his word, Sanzo's eyes somehow remain on Goku even as he fires, with Hakkai's voice forever echoing near him.  
  
The path is cleared more and more as they move ahead, but there are still many enemies to go. As for the stagnant Akaanai, they have all backed off to a safe distance, watching in fascination, though none seem to fear the possibility of the ikkou succeeding. The leader, too, has backed off towards the entrance of their complex, leaving Gojyo to hang like a figurehead, vulnerable to the battle progressing around him.  
  
(This is madness!) Hakkai screams within, his eyes darting from side to side as he fights, extra sensitive to the possibility of hitting one of his comrades. (It never ends. One falls and another takes its place. And Gojyo is still so far away. I have to reach him...I have to. Gojyo...)  
  
Hanging motionless from the tree, Gojyo's crimson eyes can barely focus. As Hakkai watches him, the half-breed's head slowly falls forward, limp, and those tired eyes begin to close.  
  
(No...!)  
  
There is no time. There is no thought or reason left inside of Hakkai's to stop him. All care towards being wary of hitting the true Sanzo or Goku leave him, and he blasts ahead, tossing bodies out of his way like parting reeds along a riverbed. Thankfully, Sanzo and Goku are behind Hakkai when he erupts, and they do not get in the way of those angry balls of light.  
  
In amazingly little time, Hakkai has somehow reached the tree, and Sanzo and Goku find the path before them clear as the few remaining copies vanish into nothing around them.  
  
The Akaanai make no move to stop them.  
  
"Gojyo!" Hakkai cries, shooting out a small blast to cut the rope holding Gojyo up, and catching him as he falls to the ground. Hakkai immediately removes the rope from Gojyo's wrists, sinking down and holding the redhead gently in his lap. "Open your eyes, Gojyo. Everything's going to be all right now." the healer soothes, immediately beginning to pour as much of his healing energy into the man in his arms as his fatigue will allow.  
  
Goku and Sanzo approach slowly, both positioned outward to guard against any Akaanai who might attempt an attack. Surprisingly, none of them are even moving, looking on with odd smiles and raised eyebrows, taunting the ikkou without a word.  
  
Hakkai's ki subsides, the man himself exhausted, but none of the energy he spent has gone into Gojyo. Not a drop. It merely ebbed away, lost but not absorbed, as if it had nothing--no life--to absorb into.  
  
"Gojyo..." Hakkai calls softly, raising Gojyo's head and smoothing back the dirty yet still silken red hair. "Wake up now. We're here. _I'm_ here. Please...look at me..."  
  
But Gojyo does not stir. His skin is chill, his limbs stiffening. His chest is no longer rising and falling as it should...  
  
"G-Gojyo..."  
  
A ring of laughter filters through the Akaanai audience, and the leader, standing just outside the doorway to their complex, releases a confirming, arrogant huff. "It seems everything is turning out just as we had hoped. You never should have stood against us."  
  
"Urusai!" Sanzo barks, whirling his gun around to point menacingly between the general's eyes. "Your lives mean nothing to us, so you'd do well to keep your mouth shut."  
  
With a quick nod to Goku for the saru to take charge in keeping an eye on the Akaanai, Sanzo moves to kneel down next to Hakkai. Gently, he reaches out a hand to place two fingers against the side of Gojyo's neck, and after waiting longer than he knows he needs to, he pulls back with a somber shake of his head.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hakkai. There's nothing."  
  
"Don't say that!" Hakkai cries, clinging to Gojyo possessively and staring down with stricken features into the redhead's still face. "Gojyo, open your eyes! You're fine...you're not...you're not...you're fine. Everything will be okay. You have to be okay...Gojyo..."  
  
Sanzo looks at his dear friend with deep remorse, and at his once strained friend with more sorrow and indignancy than he ever would have dared reveal before. Goku, too, has abandoned his job as lookout, and takes a step closer, horror-stricken at the thought of Gojyo actually being...dead.  
  
"You're stronger than this, you hear me! I know you are! You have to be. Please, Gojyo...please...just...look at me..."  
  
"Hakkai...he's--"  
  
"He is NOT dead!" Hakkai cuts Sanzo off, something wild stirring within his emerald eyes. "Gojyo can't be dead. He...we...he's everything. Everything. And I've only just realized. He can't leave me. I can't go on like this without him. I can't...lose him...not like this...not again...not someone else...I love..."  
  
A small string of laughter filters out again, beginning with the Akaanai leader as he takes a step forward towards the ikkou. "Now, the real fun can begin."  
  
Rising from his crouched position on the ground, Sanzo begins to back away from the pair at the foot of the tree, grasping Goku's shoulder firmly to pull the boy away as well. With a stone-cold expression, he stares over at the general, knowing the Akaanai couldn't possibly be prepared for what is about to happen. "You are going to regret those words." the monk promises, and he is not--in any way--talking about his own forms of revenge.  
  
Clutching at Gojyo's cold body so tightly his knuckles are beginning to turn white, Hakkai breathes heavily, hot tears streaming down his pale cheeks. He is trembling, his expression wild and unfocused. Something dark is stirring within the depths of his sorrow. Something blacker than his fiercest anger.  
  
Most importantly--something the average on-looker might easily overlook--is that the three, silver cuffs on Hakkai's left ear...are beginning to glow.

tbc...  
  
A/N: I'm not saying anything.  
  
Crim


	12. Twelve

(Someone kill me...)  
  
Rushing forward from the back of his mind, Hakkai's memories play like an acted out drama before his eyes, every sense and feeling brought back to life from a time long dead. He can see her--Kanan--so fragile and beautiful, smiling that never-ending smile, just for him. He remembers the feel of her hand in his, of her fingers running through his hair--longer then. He feels the pain, the horror of it all when she was stolen from him, having stabbed herself with his own knife. He had been right there, but he could do nothing to stop it.  
  
A new series of images begin. Rain. It always begins with rain. Above him, there is red--red hair, red eyes, the red tip of a burning cigarette. Days later he sees that same mass of red, now formed into a person--Gojyo. Sha Gojyo became the dearest friend he ever had in the world and led him to new ones--Sanzo and Goku--before allowing him into his home to stay. Three years they were together, with Gojyo saying nothing of his feelings, and Hakkai unable to recognize his own.  
  
Skip ahead to the past few days. Truth, spelled out on the white surface of Goku's little pad. There had been anger and confusion, but in the end...bliss. The pair had barely begun to explore their shared feelings, and now...now...it is too late.  
  
Gojyo lies in Hakkai's arms--not breathing, no pulse, no signs of life. Hakkai had been so close, but not close enough to save Gojyo in time. He had been right there, but he could do nothing to stop his beloved's death...for a second time.  
  
Hakkai's breathing is haggard and heavy now, every inch of him trembling under the pull of power as his limiters glow, brighter and brighter, cracking under the pressure of his rage until...they shatter, leaving no trace of silver save the dull glow beginning to surround him as his body starts to change  
  
"He...he's youkai?!" the Akaanai leader gasps, his little melodrama suddenly no longer playing out as he had imagined.  
  
Sanzo doesn't need to be told or warned; Hakkai without his limiters, enraged beyond reason, is not something he wants to be near. "Come on!" he shouts in Goku's ear, and grips the boy's arm roughly as he darts back to the trees, tossing Goku down into the bushes before settling himself down as well.  
  
From where they are now, they can still see everything, but they are hidden beneath the brush, hopefully enough so to keep them from Hakkai's view should he no longer remember the difference between friend and foe.  
  
Advancing without nearly enough caution, the many spaced out Akaanai begin approaching the transforming Hakkai. Unsheathing their swords, all thought to summoning illusions falls to the back of their minds as they prepare to fight, unable to recognize that a single youkai--at least, _this_ single youkai--will not be easy to dispose of.  
  
Still crouched at the base of the tree, Hakkai stares down at his hands, which are shaking so hard he can barely see them as anything but a blur. Slowly, his fingernails begin to lengthen and he watches in vague fascination as a vine-like tattoo starts coiling its way around his fingers and up his arms. Leaving Gojyo on the ground, he stands, unsteady on his feet, but determined--unnaturally determined. Suddenly, his eyes burn and he tears at his monocle, tossing it to the ground. Next, he rips off his bandana, his sash, too, and then tugs at his collar, pulling it open to reveal a small space of pale skin. There, also, the vines are spreading, wrapping up around his neck and face, and out around his elongating ears. He releases a howl, exposing sharp canines, and then slowly flexes his newly formed claws.  
  
He is no longer shaking, his breathing stilling to a dim growl. His hair is longer, touching his shoulders, and his eyes...his eyes are an almost iridescent green, with slits for pupils and a hunger behind them demanding to be satiated. A ravenous grin stretches the length of his face, and his tongue slips out to lick anxiously at his lips.

Back under the brush, Goku tugs at Sanzo's sleeve, looking to the monk questioningly.  
  
"Have you ever seen Hakkai like this?" Sanzo asks in response, keeping his voice low.  
  
Goku shakes his head.  
  
"I have. Once. The Sanbutsushin asked him to remove his limiters the day I brought him there. He did. He shook the whole time, in constant struggle with remaining in control. And that was _before_ the minus wave. They saw his danger then and asked him to keep his limiters on...indefinitely. He was told to remove them only if there was no other option."  
  
Goku swallows, looking up as if to ask, 'Is he really that dangerous?'  
  
Settling his violet gaze on the figures ahead of them, Sanzo watches as Hakkai prowls, stalking his prey slowly, waiting for one of them to make the first move. "There is no control in his eyes this time."  
  
A moment later, one of the Akaanai soldiers rushes forward, sword drawn, intent on beginning the attack, and foolishly believing he stands a chance.  
  
"Goku...don't watch..." Sanzo whispers, his expression devastatingly blank. A week ago, Goku would have found Sanzo's demeanor and words of warning odd coming from him, but not today.  
  
Unable to heed his guardian's words, Goku finds himself staring out, captivated by the scene before him as the slaughter begins.  
  
One moment Hakkai is standing there, waiting, and the next he is gone, having moved so fast, the eye could not keep him.

The Akaanai that had charged towards him stops dead, searching the immediate area frantically. A rumbling laughter echoes through the trees then, dark and hollow, before Hakkai is suddenly in sight again, right next to the soldier with his claws dug deep into the man's side. The Akaanai barely cries out before a few quick turns of Hakkai's wrists cuts him clean in two.  
  
The man's comrades back off instantly, holding down the churning in their stomachs as they watch Hakkai's now bloodied claws reach up to his mouth for him to lick them clean.  
  
Two more Akaanai fall before the others can even begin to realize they stand no chance against this enemy. Blood is spilt recklessly, for sport, with limbs torn from beaten bodies, and heads sent flying into the remaining Akaanai's ranks.  
  
Still hidden, Goku cannot tear his eyes away. The brutality of it is nothing like what any of them show when fighting youkai. The pure enjoyment Hakkai is taking from it--the smile on his face, the glint in his eyes--churns his own stomach almost more so than the sight of so much blood and tissue strewn over the grass.  
  
No other youkai--save perhaps Seiten Taisei--would stand a chance against Hakkai in his true form, let alone these pitiful humans.  
  
None of the Akaanai have the speed or strength to carry themselves to safety before Hakkai's claws tear into their flesh, spraying red over every nearby surface. When the last of them finally falls, the brunette is so covered in filth from his excursions, his shirt and pants appear almost black. His claws drip, his face is smeared, and his smile remains even as he looks out over the many bodies he has laid to waste.  
  
Jumping up from his hiding spot within the bushes, Goku sprints ahead towards his transformed friend, offering Sanzo no warning before leaping forward into danger he does not understand.  
  
"Goku!!" Sanzo yells, leaping up after the boy in pursuit.  
  
As Goku approaches, he slows his pace, waiting for Hakkai to notice him.

Hakkai does.

His expression darkening, still with that horrific smile, the full youkai turns immediately to prowl towards the younger man, flexing his long, soiled claws.  
  
"Goku, stay back!"  
  
Standing frozen to the spot, Goku's thoughtless act begins to sink in, and he realizes just how much danger he has put himself in. Still, he hadn't been able to stop himself from rushing forward. Hakkai is his friend. Why would he think to be afraid?  
  
Choking back his nerves, Goku stands his ground, pleading silently for Hakkai's remaining humanity to reclaim control.  
  
Never taking his eyes from Hakkai as the youkai stalks Goku--just as he had stalked the Akaanai--Sanzo tentatively approaches the pair, hating how Goku is out of his reach, though the boy is well within the reach of Hakkai's claws. "Hakkai...pull yourself together..." he commands, hoping to lure the youkai's attention off Goku and onto himself. It doesn't work. "Listen to me. The enemy is dead. You killed them all. Nothing you do now can bring Gojyo back."  
  
"Shut up!" growls an unnatural voice, fitting this newly formed image, though not at all fitting the Hakkai they know. It is coarse and low--dark. "You..." it hisses. "...you...cannot understand..."  
  
"You think I don't understand loss? You know I do, Hakkai. I've suffered the same as you."  
  
"Twice?" the voice rumbles. "The loves of my life..._twice_ have been taken from me..."  
  
Hakkai circles Goku closely, and the sight of one friend preparing to strike another causes Sanzo's trigger finger to flinch. Hakkai really _is_ going to attack. Sanzo and Goku can both tangibly feel it in their bones, piercing through them with the sting of that deadly voice and the intensity of those deep, emerald eyes.  
  
Sanzo stiffens in preparation, and Goku--so helplessly afraid--clenches his eyes shut. The poor boy cannot bear the thought of watching his friend's attack coming, not if it means fighting back is the only way to save himself. He would rather die than hurt his friends, and deep down, he knows Hakkai feels the same way. Sanzo, too, must recognize that.  
  
The monk will not hesitate to fire his gun if he sees no other choice.  
  
For a fleeting moment, Hakkai's gaze is drawn away as he looks back at the still form of Gojyo beneath the tree. His fists instantly clench. Gojyo is all he sees. Loss is all he understands. Blood is all he craves. Even innocent blood...  
  
Slowly, Hakkai turns his head back to stare at Goku, and grins, readying his claws.  
  
"What do you think killing Goku or me will get you?" Sanzo asks quickly, despairingly trying to think of a way out of this. Any way.  
  
"The world...the world will know my pain..." Hakkai reasons, steadying his footing in preparation to strike.  
  
Set between one friend desperate to save him and another determined to destroy him, Goku cannot keep his body from shaking, wishing he might at any moment wake from this horrible nightmare.  
  
"The world must know...starting with you...priest..." Hakkai's eyes glance momentarily up at Sanzo, before returning to Goku. "You think you understand...but the only way you can...is by losing everything...for a second time..."  
  
Time. There is no time. One moment Hakkai is there, the next he is beside Goku, slashing brutally at the boy's chest.  
  
Goku screams--something strangled and heartbreaking--and falls to the ground at Hakkai's feet. Sanzo does not recognize his own scream at first, for it had sounded with Goku's, though it lingers longer, ricocheting off the trees.  
  
Swooping down, Hakkai snatches Goku from the ground with a stinging grip on the boy's neck. Blood is streaming down Goku's chest, his eyes panicked and wide as he stares down at Hakkai in anguish for so much he cannot say.  
  
"Damn you!" Sanzo screams, lifting his gun in one fell swoop to steady at his dear, misguided friend, his hand desperately wanting to tremble, though he keeps it steady. "This isn't what you want, Hakkai! Stop being an idiot! I _will_ shoot you if I have to!"  
  
Hakkai sneers at Sanzo's threat and steadied weapon, but when he looks back to Goku, dangling off the ground within his grasp, he falters.  
  
Buried within his altered body, the same heart still rests, the same spirit, struggling to keep its place. Whatever hold the Hakkai they call friend has over his demon form, it is rapidly losing the battle, but not before allowing one final act of humanity.  
  
"The world WILL know my pain..." he vows, and in a flurry of red and green and disrupted wind, he is gone, out of sight, with Goku thrown roughly at an unprepared Sanzo, knocking them both to the ground.  
  
"Goku!" Sanzo cries, clutching at the boy as he gathers the both of them up and lays Goku gently on the ground to get a look at Hakkai's handiwork. "You stupid monkey! What were you thinking!?"  
  
Goku merely smiles, though weakly, trying his best to steady his breathing in order to ease Sanzo's concerns. The slashes aren't that deep, but they sting more than he can rightly stand, and he can't help flinching when Sanzo begins removing his torn shirt from the open wounds.

Sanzo, as delicately as he can, removes every last scrap, exposing Goku's injured chest, and begins using what he is able to salvage of the shirt as makeshift bandages. It isn't quite enough, but it will have to do.  
  
"He's gone back to town. I'm sure of it. He wants to destroy everything. It's the same as you...only with intelligibility. He knows what he's doing and he's allowing it."  
  
Sanzo explains this quietly, uncharacteristically thoughtful, while carefully helping Goku into a sitting position. He feels strange playing healer, with so motherly a tone and so much offered support in his touch. He prays to the gods it will not be a permanent position, but right now, he really can't imagine any other outcome.  
  
"Goku...we have to stop him. Can you make it?"  
  
Pained by far more than just his injuries, Goku nods anyway, and allows Sanzo to help him stand. Once steady on his feet, he looks to Sanzo with great concern, his question clear despite lack of works. 'What do we do?'  
  
Even if he could have thought of a solution, Sanzo wouldn't have had the faith to speak it. "I don't know..."  
  
Just then, Sanzo jumps, startled by the feeling of something wet and feeble slapping at his ankle. When he looks down, he sees that it is the Akaanai leader--what is left of him--who has dragged his way over to them along the ground.  
  
He is the only one even remotely alive.  
  
"...others...will come...to avenge us..." he rasps, his lips barely intact enough on his mangled face to form the words at all.  
  
"Get off me!" Sanzo barks, kicking that hand away. "You brought this on yourself! Because of you and your close-minded ideals, thousands of townspeople's lives are in danger, and my friends...!" Sanzo trails a little, catching himself for outwardly admitting the others are his friends. He swallows, composing himself. "I have no sympathy for you."  
  
In that very moment, as Sanzo looks down in disdain, the leader's eyes dim and he breathes his last, the final man to pass on, leaving no one to tell their sob story. The thing is, in the instant of his death, all the remaining illusions snuffed out with him.  
  
A scattering of extra trees vanishes right before Sanzo and Goku's eyes. The complex? Nothing but a cave disappearing into darkness. Whatever source of light had been nearby is also gone, shrouding them in a deep black within the remaining traces of night--it is early morning at best, maybe two or three, and they are suddenly consumed by the reminder. The large tree by what had been the Akaanai's complex vanishes as well, and what Goku sees next, something Sanzo nearly misses since he is busy staring in continued awe at Hakkai's many victims, is that Gojyo's body is starting to fade, too.  
  
Grasping Sanzo's arm, Goku pulls the monk forward and points wildly at their still and stiffened friend. He is barely a shadow now, and a moment later, he is gone.  
  
Sanzo's breath hitches. "Another illusion...?" he questions, the lump in his throat sinking to his stomach to twist his insides apart. "He's alive..." he breathes, and in that realization, no amount of pride could have kept him from calling out. "Gojyo! Gojyo!"  
  
From inside the cave, a muffled reply calls out, though they cannot decipher what it has said. No matter. It is more than they need to send them sprinting towards the cave's mouth and dashing inside.  
  
Around a curve along the inside of the cave, they suddenly reach the back--it isn't all that large--and built into the side wall is a cell...with Gojyo inside while Hakuryuu wildly attempts to break the lock with his talons.  
  
Sanzo and Goku stop dead, because the two friends they believed they had lost...are alive.  
  
"Took you long enough." Gojyo scoffs, his usual, sardonic self. He stands there behind the bars, looking exactly as his copy had--ratty, black pants, dirtied hair and skin, the fire clinging to his eyes. "This little guy's been running himself ragged tryin' to get me out." he adds, motioning to Hakuryuu.  
  
It is in that moment that Goku comes to his senses, and in a desperate surge forward he pulls the unsuspecting dragon in for a vigorous hug while beaming at Gojyo through the bars.  
  
Gojyo looks at the boy with a raised eyebrow, noticing the smear of red against what is left of his shirt, and now staining Hakuryuu's pure white scales. "What happened to you?" he asks, knitting his brow.

He doesn't receive an answer.  
  
"Stand back." Sanzo commands, pulling out his gun to point at the lock.  
  
Goku pulls Hakuryuu and himself off to the side, and Gojyo steps as far away as he can, pressed back into the wall.  
  
Bang! The lock pops, and with a light kick the door swings open for Gojyo to slip out. He limps a little, but otherwise appears to be perfectly fine.  
  
"Sorry if I move a little slow. That bastard pumped me full of some damn muscle relaxant a while back. It's almost worn off now." Gojyo explains, not yet recognizing the shocked and somber expressions on his friends' faces. "What was with all the noise out there, huh?" the kappa continues, pressing his fingers into a stiff shoulder to loosen it, while pacing around the cave, trying to get his feet to remember how to walk. "You must have offed the leader if the illusions faded out. I can't believe this place was nothin' but a cave the whole time."  
  
Sanzo and Goku remain silent--Goku for more reasons than his lack of voice--and they stare at Gojyo in heartbroken fascination. It all feels so unfair. So wrong.  
  
"What's with you two?" Gojyo asks, coming to a stop between them, looking from one to the other. It is only then that he realizes Hakuryuu is fluttering madly, searching for a familiar shoulder with which to perch on, but unable to find the one he seeks.

The shoulders he is looking for aren't there.

"Where's Hakkai?" Gojyo questions slowly, internally kicking himself for not noticing his better half's absence right away.  
  
At Gojyo's words, Goku instinctively tries to cover up his marks, folding his arms over his chest. Sanzo, for his part, remains very still--silent.  
  
"Where is he?" Gojyo asks more forcefully, rightly worried now and in no mood for silent reflection.  
  
Steadying his gaze on Gojyo and keeping his features as blank as his whirling emotions will allow, Sanzo speaks, his words hollow and stiff. "We thought you were dead."  
  
Beat. Gojyo wasn't expecting that. "What?"  
  
"We thought you were dead." Sanzo repeats. "The Akaanai, they had a copy of _you_ along with everything else. We saw you die. I felt your pulse. Hakuryuu, too. He died right in front of us."  
  
Gojyo just stands there a moment, unable to process this or think of what to say. Slowly, what must have happened begins to dawn on him, and when he looks up again to take in the sight of Goku's marks--the CLAW marks raked across his chest--he knows he has guessed right. "He pulled a Seiten Taisei...didn't he?" he speaks softly, knowing the answer already. But then, another thought crosses his mind--a vision of the worst that could have happened--and Gojyo suddenly lunges at Sanzo, gripping him harshly by the front of his robes. "You shot him, didn't you, you son-of-a-bitch!?! You killed him!!"  
  
"I did no such thing!" Sanzo barks back, peeling Gojyo's fingers from his collar and glaring his deadliest 'how dare you touch me' expression. "But you know I would have. I _will_...if it comes to that. Hakkai is completely out of it. _He_ did that to Goku." Sanzo stresses, pointing back at the boy's wounds. "He was going to kill him and probably me, too. And he knew what he was doing. He knew...on some level, he knew...and he still lashed out at us."  
  
"So what?" Gojyo bites in reply, allowing his hands to fall to his sides, though now they are forming into angry fists as he looms over Sanzo from his two-inch advantage. "He's crazed, I get it. But you'd actually shoot him over it? You'd shoot any of us, wouldn't you, you damn prick!? Well, Hakkai's not going down that way. He's lost it coz of me? Then he'll be fine once he sees I'm okay. _I'm_ the trigger. If the one on your gun even comes close to getting pulled, you'll find it shoved up your own ass before the smoke's even cleared, you got me?!"  
  
Sanzo's pride urges him to snatch back control, put the kappa in his place, but he knows there is no time for that. There is no time to unleash their frustrations on each other.

Yes, Sanzo believes he would shoot any one of them if he had to, but to actually do it...he would probably long for Gojyo's promise to be fulfilled. Our friends are like gods to us. We love them unconditionally despite how angry they sometimes make us, and we would die for them if it came to that. We would rather die than have them taken away.  
  
"This isn't going to be easy, Gojyo." Sanzo explains calmly, though still with a bit of edge to his voice, and with the hint of a glare in his eyes. "Seeing you alive might not be enough now that Hakkai's true form has been unleashed."  
  
A sudden chirp erupts from Hakuryuu, and the dragon swoops down to land carefully on Gojyo's bare shoulder, before digging his head affectionately into the side of Gojyo's neck. "Kyu! Kyu!"  
  
Gojyo smiles and reaches up to stroke Hakuryuu's head. "See, the little guy's on my side. He knows we gotta get Hakkai back no matter what the cost. Right?"  
  
"Kyuu!!"  
  
"This is my fault." Gojyo expresses, riddled with regret, looking steadily from Sanzo to Goku and back again. "It's my fault, and I'm not about to lose him on account of something that happened to me. I'm _not_ losing him."  
  
Solemnly, Sanzo nods, accepting Gojyo's determination.

Goku nods, as well, bogged down by fear, yes, but not in the least angry at Hakkai for what his friend's youkai self has done to him. Even if the marks scar, Goku will never blame Hakkai, because Hakkai is not the monster they are hunting.  
  
"You better hope you're right about all this, because if we have to fight him..." Sanzo trails off, not wanting to imagine that possibility. "You and Goku are in no shape to stand against that kind of power."  
  
At first, Gojyo dismisses Sanzo's concerns, but the truth is, he has no idea what he is about to face. "I've never seen Hakkai's youkai form before." he speaks beneath his breath.  
  
In the past, he would ask Hakkai what his youkai form was like, but Hakkai always avoided the conversation and changed the subject, as if ashamed--afraid--to reveal that side of himself to another.  
  
Sanzo and Goku are obviously spooked after having seen Hakkai's great secret, but as unprepared and expectant as Gojyo is, he knows he cannot afford to be delayed by apprehension.  
  
"It doesn't matter." Gojyo reasons, set on his decision to get Hakkai back no matter what. "We're wasting time. Just tell me where he is?"  
  
Sanzo huffs. "Probably off burning the town to the ground."  
  
"Then I guess we're going to town. Right, Hakuryuu?" Gojyo asks the dragon on his shoulder. Hakuryuu chirps in agreement. "Right, bakazaru?" he winks at Goku. The boy sticks out his tongue, but nods. "And you, bouzu, you keep that gun tucked back, you hear me, or you better be prepared to take me down, too."  
  
Sanzo doesn't reply, but the silence is enough for both to know they understand each other's positions.  
  
One by one they begin to exit the cave--Hakuryuu flying ahead, followed by Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo at the end. Hakuryuu squawks nervously at the strong smell of blood outside, but quickly turns into his jeep form, nonetheless, finding a spot not so littered with bodies to rest his wheels. Naturally, Sanzo and Goku already knew what to expect once stepping out into the night air, but Gojyo did not, and he stops in his tracks the second he is outside the cave.  
  
The air is thick with that rancid, metallic odor, and the many mangled bodies strewn upon the grass are in states Gojyo hasn't seen even in his most horrific dreams. There isn't a distinguishable face among them, or a body that managed to retain all its parts.  
  
All of them are forced to hold back the urges of their churning stomachs as they climb into the jeep--Sanzo sitting at the wheel with Goku sitting anxiously in the back. Gojyo, however, is drawn for a moment towards the spot that large tree had been. On the ground lies Hakkai's monocle, headband, and sash, having been tossed aside when he changed. Carefully, Gojyo gathers the items up, and then walks to the jeep, hopping in front to sit beside Sanzo.

Without a word spoken between them, Sanzo starts the jeep and barrels on ahead, finding the path wider now that the illusionary trees have faded away. They continue forward in silence, as well, but after a few minutes, Goku leans over the front of Gojyo's seat and peers into his face, asking, 'Are you okay?'  
  
"I'm fine, kiddo. The drugs are pretty much worn off now." Gojyo replies, evading.  
  
Goku's returned expression clearly states, 'You know that's not what I meant.'

He is becoming incredibly adept at making himself understood without the use of words.  
  
Gojyo thinks for a moment how to reply, but in the end, he merely shrugs, and Goku reluctantly sits back down. All of the kappa's thoughts are focused on the carnage he has just seen and on the frightening vision of what he imagines is in wait for him once they find Hakkai.  
  
(I've turned him into what he hates most...) he muses bitterly. (More regrets. More pain. And it's all my fault. Damn it, Hakkai...please don't hate me for this. I never wanted to be another Kanan for you. Dear gods, don't let him be Gonou for me...)

tbc...  
  
A/N: Hopefully, you all feel a little better now that you know Gojyo and Hakuryuu are okay, but what about poor, off-the-deep-end Hakkai? I'm not saying a word.  
  
The line at the beginning, "Someone kill me," is what Hakkai says when Kanan kills herself. The reason Goku has never seen Hakkai's youkai form is because this is set in the originally lost eps, not from Reload time when Goku DOES see Hakkai. As for Gojyo, I just assume he hasn't. And I made up the Sanzo thing. :-)  
  
Rinny1, you made me giggle, and you make me so proud. Thank you for enjoying the characterizations.  
  
phoe-chan, I died laughing at the, "yeah, I'd be mad too if the dude i was getting ready to fuck was kidnapped then killed." Hahaha. And as for the tense, past is what's hard for me. :)  
  
Thank you Chibi Assassin and Kali Swifteye for being the only people to say anything about Hakuryuu. Don't the rest of you care? :-) It was hard to kill that little guy, even if it wasn't real.  
  
And kudos to all who realized Gojyo wasn't dead. Of course I wouldn't kill him.  
  
I have surpassed 200 reviews! I love you all. In celebration, if there are any requests out there, let me know, and I will seriously consider adding anything you guys request if it fits. Love ya!  
  
Crim


	13. Thirteen

"Holy shit..." Gojyo breathes, standing in his seat to get a better look at the chaos in front of them. The bathhouse is just ahead, with panicked residents fleeing from the building out of every exit. "We gotta hurry. Who knows what he's doing in there."  
  
The jeep jolts to a stop a few yards from the entrance, and the moment the three members of the ikkou have freed themselves, Hakuryuu changes back into his dragon form, zipping past them inside through the open doorway.  
  
Just as they lose sight of him, a woman comes screaming out into the night. "A demon! Oh gods, help us!!" she cries, and there are plainly claw marks raked down her bare arms.  
  
They have no doubts as to whether or not this is the right place; obviously, Hakkai is rampaging in the bathhouse because it is the last place he saw Gojyo alive.  
  
Without a word, Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo rush into the lobby, Sanzo being the only one to brandish his weapon, despite the many warning looks he keeps receiving from the redhead beside him.

"Goku, go left. Gojyo, right. I'll head down the main hall." Sanzo directs, deciding that splitting up is probably the most efficient way to find Hakkai. Also, he hopes to be the one to find Hakkai first, since he knows he is the only one with the strength to handle him right now--or at least with the strength to fire.  
  
Gojyo looks skeptical, but nods, and the three of them go sprinting in opposite directions, searching madly from room to room, heading where the civilians seem to be running _from_.  
  
(Damn, Hakkai, where are you...?) Gojyo thinks worriedly, pushing past the bathhouse customers into the bathing areas, and then further down the hall towards the downstairs rooms. (Please...let me find him before anyone gets hurt. He'd never forgive himself if...if he killed some innocent kid, or something. Whatever I did in my past life to deserve this shit one, it's too much to take him, too. I love him. Please...don't take him away from me...)  
  
-----  
  
There is no more Kanan--her memory no longer haunts him--but there is someone to replace that stricken image. A new image.

Gojyo.

Strung up like some dead apostle, and later lying in his arms, not moving, not breathing. Gone.  
  
Hakkai strikes out at everything in his path, plagued by those swirling images--memories of moments he can never reclaim or change now that he has lost his dearest friend. His almost- lover. His love...for a second time...

---  
  
"Gojyo, dinner's ready."  
  
"You made dinner?"  
  
"I thought I should at least be helpful now that I'm up and about again. Is that alright?"  
  
"Alright? Shit, man...you're amazing."  
  
--  
  
"Yep. Cleaned him out, too. Poor, dumb Sanji. He never stood a chance."  
  
"I hope you didn't gloat too badly?"  
  
"He'll live. Besides, I get the bills paid, right?"  
  
"Indeed. Oh. Royal Flush. It seems I've won again."  
  
"What?! Sheesh, Hakkai. Remind me never to play _you _for money."  
  
--  
  
"What seems to be the trouble, Gojyo?"  
  
"I am NOT rooming with the saru."  
  
"Does Sanzo know this?"  
  
"He does now. And he can shove that fan up his ass if he complains. So...feel like a game?"  
  
"Always. Any particular stakes?"  
  
"Just the usual. Loser buys the booze."  
  
--  
  
"Hey, 'Kai...do ya think you could keep me company for awhile?"  
  
"Of course, Gojyo. Is everything all right?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm just...in a weird mood, is all."

"Aa."

"Hey...you know you're my best friend in the whole world, right?"  
  
"And you mine."  
  
"...thanks."  
  
"I'm always here, Gojyo."

---  
  
(...but _you're _not...) Hakkai laments, his vision blurred with the traces of those fading memories. (...not anymore...)

And in the shadows of that darkened hallway, Hakkai roars.  
  
-----  
  
Sanzo freezes in place at the sound of a strangled howl up ahead of him. He knows Hakkai is close at hand now, and his trigger finger involuntarily twitches. If Hakkai attacks him, he will have no choice but to shoot.  
  
There are no bystanders down this hallway, and as Sanzo nears the end of it, the air seems to still. Hakkai must be up ahead, and as much as the monk hopes to be able to talk some sense into his friend, he isn't holding much hope for keeping his gun from having to fire.  
  
As Sanzo comes to the turn at the end of the hall, he readies himself to spring out and hopefully catch Hakkai off guard. Unfortunately, Hakkai already knows he is there.  
  
A chilling laugh echoes from the hallway _behind _Sanzo, and just as he turns, he is met by slitted, green eyes and a painful grip on his wrist, causing his gun to thud to the floor. Sanzo doesn't even have time to call out before the youkai's other hand pulls back...and drives its claws deep into his stomach, pinning him back against the wall.  
  
Sanzo winces and grits his teeth, desperately biting back a scream. "Uh...ah...Hak...kai..."  
  
In response, Hakkai growls low in his throat, pulling in close--too close. "Hakkai? Who is that...?" he laughs--a sound Sanzo is certain he will never forget. "I knew you couldn't stay away...priest. But I'm glad. No amount of blood can make up for his death...not even yours..." Digging his claws all the more deeply into Sanzo's bleeding wound, Hakkai pulls his mouth mere centimeters from the blonde's ear. "...but it'll do..."  
  
-----  
  
(Hakkai...be okay...please be yourself again...) Goku chants endlessly, thinking up a new mantra at every bend in the hallway with which to hurl at the gods. Occasionally, one of the stragglers still left inside the bathhouse rushes past him to escape, but otherwise, his searching continues in listless quiet.

Unnerving, unwanted quiet.

(I want to find him, but...what if he still wants to...rip me to shreds...?) Goku shudders. He doesn't want to think about it. All he wants is to find Hakkai and have Hakkai be...Hakkai. No strings, no drama, no bloody mess. He realizes that what he is hoping for is wishful thinking, but that does nothing to deter him from wishing.  
  
Rounding another corner, Goku suddenly runs head first into someone rushing from the other side. They both back-peddle and steady their footing, but when Goku looks up at who he has run into, he realizes there is no need to steady into a fighting stance.  
  
"Goku. Did you...?" Gojyo prompts, coming up close to Goku and searching the boy's eyes for signs of anything that might reinforce his faith.  
  
Goku shakes his head.  
  
"Damn it. He can't be in this section then. We've checked everywhere."  
  
As if on cue, the truth dawns on both young men, their eyes widening in fear for their unaccounted for friend, still out searching. Just then, from somewhere far--too far--from where they are now, Sanzo's voice calls out in a gruesome scream, a sound neither ever imagined the monk could make.  
  
Without a word, Goku and Gojyo turn and sprint down the nearest hallway in the direction of that call, praying they can get to him in time.  
  
-----  
  
In what might as well be another world, Sanzo lays in agony on the floor of one of the guestrooms. Gojyo and Hakkai's room, to be exact. His blood stains his robes and is slowly seeping down to stain the carpet, as well, and his vision is clouded, hazy with the loss of that blood.  
  
Standing at the foot of the bed, having left Sanzo alone for the moment, Hakkai stares fiercely at the still rumpled sheets. Reaching out a clawed and bloodied hand, he grasps the top sheet tightly and pulls it to him, bringing it up to his face. He inhales deeply, his heightened sense of smell able to capture the remaining scent of Gojyo's body, lingering, though the hanyou himself is long gone.  
  
Hakkai's hands begin to shake with anger, and when that scent fills him, he tears at the sheet in his hands, reducing it to shreds.  
  
"Hakkai..." Sanzo calls, breathless, still squirming painfully on the floor and clutching at his mangled wound. "...Hakkai...stop this...Gojyo...he isn't--"  
  
"Did I say you could speak?" Hakkai cuts in, darkly within his deep tone. Faster than his swiftest ball of ki, he swoops down beside Sanzo and cruelly presses one of his palms into the monk's open wound. "Are you so eager for death...?"  
  
Sanzo sees the edges of his vision darken in response to that merciless pressure. "...Hakkai....he's not...he's...not..."  
  
"He's not here. He's not coming back. He's not worth all this misery. Hn." Hakkai sneers, and raises his other hand to drag his claws down the side of Sanzo's neck.

"...he's not...dead..." Sanzo breathes, but though his true words have finally spoken, he has said them so lightly, even Hakkai's sharp ears could not pick up on the sound.  
  
"There must be blood." Hakkai continues, shredding Sanzo's robes as his claws trail further down the monk's chest. "Blood enough...to equal the pain..."  
  
Sanzo's robes fall open, revealing that toned and slender chest, along with his injured stomach, and Hakkai grins darkly at the sight.

Blood, yes. But not enough. There must be more--so much more--before the pain can even begin to be rivaled.  
  
Raising one hand while the other remains pressed into Sanzo's wound, Hakkai prepares to strike at the weakened blonde, and there is nothing Sanzo can do to protect himself. However...just as that hand is about to plummet down, the door to the room suddenly slams open.  
  
There stands Goku--holding Sanzo's lost gun--with a look of sheer horror plastered on his young face.  
  
Hakkai grins and removes his hand from Sanzo's side, standing to address this new playmate. "Such a loyal pet..." he laughs. "...coming here...to join his master in death..."  
  
Squaring his footing, Hakkai no longer has reservations to keep him from killing Goku, and he launches himself forward, knowing the young brunette could never pull that trigger.  
  
He doesn't pull the trigger, but instead steps to the side, leaving room for a new figure to take his place. The second that figure is in view, Hakkai stops dead, his claws falling harmlessly to his sides in disbelieving shock.  
  
Gojyo. Gojyo is standing not two feet in front of him, positioned in the doorway, looking just as he had not long before when lying _dead _in Hakkai's arms.  
  
Relieved at Hakkai's sudden calm, Goku dashes in past him into the room and falls heavily to the ground beside Sanzo, who is no longer conscious, but is breathing haggardly, with much effort.  
  
"Gods, Hakkai...no wonder you never told me..." Gojyo speaks, sizing up the unfamiliar sight before him.  
  
Hakkai stands horror stricken and still, and even his vine tattoos pale at the sight of this apparition.  
  
"It's okay, Hakkai. I'm standing right in front of you. Breathing. Alive. Right _here_. You don't have to do this anymore." Gojyo's tone is pure, soothing pitch, his eyes never once leaving Hakkai's.  
  
"Gojyo...?"  
  
At last, a voice, and Gojyo can't help smiling in gratitude. "Yes. The Akaanai were tricking you. They didn't kill me. You can stop avenging me; I don't need to be avenged. Forget those purist pricks. They deserved what they got. But...doing _this_? You could have hurt someone who had nothing to do with any of it, Hakkai. You gotta pull yourself together."  
  
Flicking his eyes past the youkai in front of him to the pair on the floor, Gojyo catches sight of Sanzo for the first time. He swallows. To imagine Hakkai--his sweet, wonderful, loving Hakkai--doing something like that to a friend...is unthinkable. And completely his fault.  
  
"Shit...Hakkai, you gotta snap out of this now. You have to help Sanzo."  
  
By this time, Hakkai has been shaking more and more, trembling harshly within a sudden rush of conflicting urges and emotions. He can barely keep himself on his feet, and he reaches his clawed hands up to his head, grasping either side, trying in vain to banish the part of him that still wants to rip them all to pieces, while something dim and fading at his core is begging him to listen to what the redhead is saying.  
  
"Hakkai!" Gojyo yells, seeing his friend's obvious distress. He doesn't have time to consider his actions; closing the gap between them, he reaches out and takes hold of Hakkai's hands, prying them from the youkai's head. "Don't think, Hakkai. Stop analyzing. I'm alive. Focus on that, and help him."  
  
"I...can't..." Hakkai growls, avoiding Gojyo's gaze and still shaking just as fiercely as before.  
  
"Yes, you can." Gojyo affirms, lowering Hakkai's arms fully and releasing them only to reach back up and take the brunette's still beautiful face in his palms. Hakkai tries to look away, but can't, forced to stare directly into the crimson he has cherished for so long, even when it haunted him. "Don't think about anything but me. Don't let the demon tell you what you need to do, listen to _me_! Focus on me...loving you. Because I do. I love you, Hakkai..."  
  
Time may have stopped in that moment as Gojyo boldly leaned forward and pulled Hakkai against him, kissing lips he had kissed many times only hours before, though now...it is something different. As he prods for entrance with his tongue, it slides over Hakkai's sharpened fangs, drawing blood that passes between their lips. Gojyo pays no mind, though; reaching Hakkai is all that matters, though he prays that the pressure being placed on his back by Hakkai's clawed hands won't suddenly become knives delving for his spine.  
  
For Hakkai's part, the youkai remains very still, though he slowly...slowly...begins to reciprocate the kiss.  
  
Still on the floor, Goku is beyond panicked. Try as he might, he cannot get Sanzo's wound to stop bleeding, though he has both his small hands pressed down firmly on the wound. Sanzo's breathing is becoming more and more labored and erratic, as well, and Goku shudders to think that the monk might die without him even being able to say goodbye.  
  
Weeping soundlessly, Goku's attention is so focused on Sanzo, he doesn't notice someone has knelt down beside him until a clawed--though amazingly gentle--hand suddenly comes to rest over his. Passing through both of Goku's hands, Sanzo's wound begins to glow with the power of transferred ki.  
  
Hakkai. Goku almost wouldn't believe it. That changed youkai, still fully unleashed, looks at him with deep sorrow through those slitted emeralds, and in hardly any time at all, Sanzo's wound is smooth flesh again, healed by the healer they thought they had lost.  
  
After a slight spasm of shock, Sanzo's eyes begin to flutter, and when they finally open and he spots Hakkai beside him, he instinctively flinches away. But he doesn't have time to consider the peculiarity of Hakkai crouched there, _not _trying to kill him, because Goku instantly glomps him once realizing the blonde is okay. It is a desperate, caring hug, and Sanzo allows it, holding Goku in return with his mild, though genuine affection.  
  
Hakkai, however, is not completely calmed, and as Gojyo steps closer to the others, he notices that his friend is starting to shake again.

Helplessly, Hakkai looks back at him and then to Sanzo pleadingly. "Hurry..." the struggling youkai whispers to the healed priest, beginning to back away, as if afraid of what he might do next.  
  
Sanzo doesn't need Hakkai's request to be explained. Prying Goku from his neck, the monk offers his charge a loaded look before gently nudging him away. Gathering himself into a sitting position then, Sanzo begins to chant, low beneath his breath.  
  
Eyeing Hakkai closely, Gojyo is ready for any move the youkai might make. Hakkai is obviously fighting to stay in control long enough for Sanzo to summon new limiters, but although his left ear is already beginning to glow, he looks as if he is about to run.  
  
"Stay with me, Hakkai." Gojyo expresses, capturing the brunette's eye and keeping it. "Just a minute longer."  
  
Gojyo's voice seems to have the right effect, for Hakkai remains transfixed by the redhead's presence, and stays put, until finally...miraculously...three silver cuffs form fully on his ear, sending him into a great convulsion of repressed power.  
  
Hakkai's transformation back is much swifter than his change to youkai had been. His ears, fangs, and claws disappear almost at once, though his hair returns to its shorter style more gradually, and the dark vines slowly unwind their way from his body.

When he is at last Hakkai again, his knees give way...but Gojyo is there, right at his side, before he can hit the ground. "It's going to be okay..." he soothes, lowering them carefully to the floor to land with Hakkai pulled in tightly against him.  
  
The brunette blinks up at him, all strength gone with the pull of forced sleep. "Gojyo..." he breathes, his voice a soft tenor once more, so tender and smooth. "...don't leave me...Gojyo..."  
  
Smoothing back the damp hair from Hakkai's forehead, Gojyo smiles down into his friend's feverish face, exuding love and longing. "Never. I'll never leave you, Hakkai. I promise..."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Maybe a little less climactic or terrifying than you were expecting, but after all they have been through, I didn't want to make any of them suffer too much. I'm sure Hakkai will be doing plenty of that once he wakes up.  
  
Okay, here's the deal, I've got two more chapters planned. One focused mainly on Sanzo/Goku and one on Gojyo/Hakkai. The Sanzo/Goku is for Am1- 13th, per her request, and requests are still open if you get them in before I write the next part. Be reasonable, but after surpassing 200 reviews, I am feeling very giving. Also, the 58 stuff will probably be a tish naughtier than the 93.

Thanks so much as always for every comment and critique. I do take them all into consideration when writing. See ya next chappie, minna! Love ya!  
  
Crim


	14. Fourteen

Eventually, everything is brought back to ground zero, the bottom, the beginning, and we are forced to start again. Some people get right back up without a second thought. Others never get back on their feet at all, struggling the rest of their lives to even begin to live again. And then...there are the rest of us. Day by day, we fight to be ourselves again, even after the most horrific of disasters, but a part of us will never be the same. Loved ones mourn for the darkness spread over our lives, but we pay no mind, because we are still alive, and we will find a way to live until tomorrow. That is all any of us can hope for.  
  
Breathing easily now, Hakkai sleeps soundlessly in his bed, having passed out soon after his transformation from youkai back to human. The room has been cleaned and the bedding replaced, with most of the customers and staff back inside, believing the attacking youkai to have been driven away by the Sanzo-ikkou.

Another explanation couldn't be closer to the truth.  
  
Gojyo is restless, unable to find a comfortable position in the chair he has placed next to Hakkai's bedside. His eyes never once leave the sight in that bed--Hakkai's sweet face, at peace, so tender and lovely--and he longs for the moment when the slumbering brunette will awake.  
  
Tap. Tap.  
  
Not a knock, but a quick rhythm, as if someone were only rapping a single finger. Gojyo curiously gets out of the chair and goes to the door, opening it with obvious frustration at being intruded upon.  
  
"Kyu! Kyu!" Hakuryuu chirps, rushing into the room and fluttering madly around Gojyo's head. "Kyuu!!"  
  
"Keep it down!" Gojyo hisses, gesturing to Hakkai in the bed.  
  
Hakuryuu looks where Gojyo has pointed, and instantly flies over to land next to his owner's pillow. He keeps his beak shut, but sniffs lightly around Hakkai's head, looking at least a little content at having finally discovered what he had been looking for.  
  
"What happened to you, anyway?" Gojyo whispers, reclaiming his seat beside the bed. "Get locked in a room somewhere?"  
  
Hakuryuu flaps his wings indignantly and nods.  
  
The dragon had instinctively flown to the area with the most action, assuming Hakkai would be there, but in all the commotion, he couldn't catch enough of Hakkai's scent to head the right direction. By the time Hakuryuu realized he was in the wrong place, someone had locked a door behind him, trapping him for almost an hour.  
  
"You missed seeing him all demoned-up, but I guess that's a good thing." Gojyo explains, leaning back in his chair as comfortably as he can. "He'll be doing the whole angsting thing when he wakes, you can bet on that."  
  
"Kyu?" Hakuryuu chirps softly, having fluttered his way from the bed to perch on Gojyo's shoulder.  
  
Gojyo finds his ability to understand the dragon a little unnerving, but figures it isn't worth worrying over. "You heard them say he attacked Goku, right? Well...he attacked Sanzo before we could get to him. Drove his claws clean through the monk's stomach."  
  
Hakuryuu's eyes widen in disbelief.  
  
"Would've killed him AND the saru if he hadn't suddenly seen _me_. Actually...he probably would've killed me, too, if Sanzo had taken any longer chanting for new limiters. It was freaky. Hakkai could barely hold himself together. I don't think I've been that scared in my whole life..."  
  
With a gentle nudge, Hakuryuu digs his head into Gojyo's neck, affectionately offering his own sympathies and regrets for what has happened. Gojyo reaches up to stroke the dragon's head and somehow ends up with Hakuryuu sitting in his lap, curling up into a contented, white ball while Gojyo pets him.  
  
"He's gonna be okay, Hakuryuu. You'll see." Gojyo soothes, running his hand gently over Hakuryuu's wings, producing an adorable, snore-like purr.

Turning his attention to the bed, Gojyo continues petting the dragon--half asleep in his lap now--and watches, ever vigilant, for signs of Hakkai coming to.

"Be okay, Hakkai. Please, be okay..."  
  
-----  
  
The only sounds Goku can hear through the door are light mumblings from Gojyo and the occasional chirp out of Hakuryuu, so he presses his ear closer, hoping to hear evidence of Hakkai waking up.  
  
"What are you doing?" booms an accusing voice--a familiar voice that has accused him often, of many things.  
  
Goku spins around, coming face to face with his guardian, and plasters on his most innocent expression, as if to reply, 'Who? Me? I'm not doing anything.'  
  
After years of practice with reading the monkey's guises, Sanzo has no trouble deciphering what is actually going on. "Leave them be." he instructs sternly, guiding Goku down the hallway with gentle pressure at his back--surprisingly gentle, even after all the revelations that have passed between them.  
  
They continue until reaching their own door, and once there, Sanzo pauses, holding Goku in place as he carefully checks the younger man's temperature with a palm that moves fluidly from his forehead to his neck.  
  
"You're warm again. Stupid monkey. You should be resting, not eavesdropping." the monk scolds, and then turns to the door, ushering them both inside before closing it behind him. "I don't want to stay here any longer than we have to."  
  
Upon entering the room, Goku immediately goes for his whiteboard, left to rest on the end table beside the bed.  
  
Sanzo stops him. "No." he orders. "Go to sleep. It's almost dawn and none of us have slept for more than an hour all night."  
  
But Goku is unmovable--stubborn. He holds his ground, crossing his arms over his chest with that same old pout that always manages to crumble a little of Sanzo's walls.  
  
"Yes, I am still going to sleep with you, so you can stop worrying." Sanzo states openly, having easily guessed what the monkey had intended to write about. "Will you just get into bed already?"  
  
This time, Goku complies, beaming brightly as he bounds over to his side of the bed and pulls the covers back. He is already dressed for sleep--shorts and an oversized T-shirt--and crawls in comfortably, waiting for Sanzo to join him.  
  
Ignoring Goku's jubilance, Sanzo walks to the other side of the room where his things are laid. His robe is slung over a chair beside the window, fully mended after some careful chanting--the sutra untouched and safe. At present, Sanzo is dressed in his jeans and leathers, barefoot.

He exchanges his pants first, deciding on a more comfortable pair of sweats, and then removes his arm covers, before slowly pealing off the skin-tight layer of black leather from his chest.  
  
Usually, Sanzo is content to sleep in his undershirt and jeans, though the others all have variations for slumber. But tonight--this morning, rather--after so grueling a trial and so little rest, he would prefer to indulge in whatever pleasures he can.  
  
What he doesn't realize is that Goku is thinking the very same thing.  
  
When Sanzo turns around to face the bed, he sees that Goku is looking at him very intensely. The boy has been watching him the entire time, and Sanzo is forced to repress a blush that runs clean down his chest. He has never seen a look quite like that in Goku's eyes, not even when the boy had demanded a more passionate good night kiss.  
  
"What?"  
  
Goku merely grins and pulls the covers back in invitation.  
  
"Don't get any ideas, monkey." Sanzo warns, though he obeys and is soon snuggled under the covers with Goku curled in against his chest.  
  
They lay there a few moments, neither really thinking about sleep. Sanzo doesn't offer a good night kiss this time, but oddly enough, Goku doesn't ask for one. It isn't all that odd, actually, considering what he has decided to do instead. Ever so gently, the young brunette begins to trail his fingers up and down Sanzo's chest, and eventually, is caressing the smooth skin with the entirety of his palm.  
  
"Quit it." Sanzo hisses, sounding very groggy, but still stern.  
  
Goku listens...at first...but soon begins to trail his hand again, this time bringing it low enough to run horizontally along the waistline of Sanzo's low-riding pants.  
  
"Goku..." growls a warning tone, betraying itself in the forcefulness it takes to speak without sounding breathless.  
  
But Goku does not seem to hear his guardian, for his hand stays put, and soon, he is shifting his weight to better reach Sanzo's chest with his lips.  
  
Butterfly wing kisses flutter along the monk's collarbone and lower to his thin but firm pecs, which causes Sanzo to hiss unexpectedly between his teeth, though he does not protest. Goku grins within his assaulting kisses and travels upwards, making the kisses deeper with darts of his tongue as he climbs the curves of Sanzo's neck. Soon, Goku reaches the more delicate skin of Sanzo's ears, his tongue flicking lightly at first, teasing, with his teeth occasionally nipping at the lobe. Then he begins to lap at the curves of cartilage just inside the main shell--deeply, perfectly.  
  
Sanzo's eyes close in expectant wonder at the ache pulsing in his groin. How something so simple done to something so seemingly unsexual could cause such intense pleasure...matters not when it feels as good as this. Sanzo finds himself clutching at Goku's back, the young man having climbed on top of him while working his tongue with such unlearned expertise.  
  
"Baka...s-stop...before...you get into something...you can't handle..."  
  
Goku would have laughed if his voice was in full form, but instead, his heart speaks for him. 'It seems like _you're _the one who can't handle the heat, Sanzo.'  
  
"Uru...s-sai..."  
  
And Goku DOES laugh--a soundless vibration that pushes the sensation of Goku's nips and licks even further. Lifting up at last, Goku looks down heatedly into Sanzo's face, enjoying his current position immensely, before diving down to capture the blonde's parted and panting lips. It is like the kiss they shared earlier that night--so long ago, yet only hours in the past--but the more intimate position of them pressed into each other causes more than flushed skin.  
  
Goku gasps at the sudden feel of hardness pressing into his own, and once broken from their kiss, the expression on Sanzo's face causes him to laugh again--silently, with tingling vibration. Sanzo looks...scared, unsure. Goku, however, is very, VERY sure.  
  
Grinding his hips slowly, deeply, borderline brutally against Sanzo's, Goku has to bite his bottom lip to keep from squealing at the glorious feel of it, and struggles to keep his eyes open to take in Sanzo's reaction.  
  
The monk is reeling. His own eyes roll back, mouth wide, with an expression caught somewhere between agony and impossible bliss clinging to his features. Oh! He gasps aloud, unable to keep himself silent. Again, the act is so simple, but for someone who has never experienced anything even remotely...sexual...who never indulges himself in such a way on ANY level...it is carnality at its best.  
  
Goku worships that image--the image of Sanzo beneath him, completely under his thrall--and grinds again, straddling Sanzo's waist for the most possible friction between them.  
  
Again. Sanzo is shuddering.  
  
Again. He can't even keep his eyes open.  
  
Again. His body is limp at Goku's touch save the reciprocating thrusts of his hips.  
  
Again. Again. Again.  
  
Sanzo suddenly wraps his arms tightly around Goku's back, pulling the boy flush against his chest, and rolls, flipping their positions. Their thrusts stop, and Goku takes a moment to recognize that he is no longer in the dominant spot. Sanzo is holding him down, though the boy's legs are still wrapped around Sanzo's waist, and the monk looks into those golden eyes with as much serious emotion as he can muster.  
  
"Do you know what you're doing?" he breathes, his stomach muscles tight with the force of willing himself from reacting to the continued pressure of Goku's firmness against his. "Do you REALLY know...?"  
  
This is the reversal, the reversal of roles. Sanzo may be dominant in most aspects, and may yet prove to take over the night's events, but Goku holds all the true power, with no apprehension and no regrets.  
  
The flushed brunette nods once and grins, reaching up a hand to pull Sanzo's face down into a slow kiss.

Try as he may, Sanzo cannot suppress his body's reactions and he thanks the gods he changed into sweats from his jeans, because he would be in agony right now if he hadn't.

Strengthening his legs' grip on Sanzo's hips, Goku bucks up, loving the shooting spasms of pleasure the act creates. Now that Sanzo is on top, however, the monk is in control of the amount of pressure delivered, and with his immediate concerns lost in the haze of firing hormones, he reclaims his position as dominant keeper.  
  
Lifting Goku's arms above the boy's head, Sanzo pins them their with a hand on either wrist, lifting himself just enough to gain the leverage he is hoping for. His eyes are not closed now. Violet looks deep into gold as Sanzo pumps down and slightly up, brushing their loosely separated erections hard against each other. Harder than Goku could manage. Harder than both might be able to stand without that separating cloth removed.  
  
Sanzo pumps again, trembling more fiercely than before with every rush of sensation, and finds mild irritation in how Goku is so composed. He vows to do something about that--soon.  
  
Pumping harder, Sanzo grinds Goku back into the headboard, wanting to see the younger body beneath him squirm, shudder, cry out--okay, maybe not cry out, since it would be more of a pain for Goku than a pure expression of approval, but still. Sanzo wants control in his hands so undoubtedly, Goku would obey his every whim.  
  
Again. Again. Again. And they are both seeing stars. It is too much, not enough, everything either has ever wanted and not dared to ask for or seek.  
  
Sanzo gasps, gripping Goku's wrists tightly as their hips move, fighting fiercely to maintain that same shivering pleasure as their bodies work feverishly against each other.  
  
Staring heatedly down into Goku's eyes, Sanzo can tell the monkey wants more, more than this, more than friction. Goku wants skin--skin against skin, sweat, heat--but Sanzo isn't sure he can offer that. Since when is Goku such a slave to his hormones, anyway? The whole concept of Goku being more forceful about this than Sanzo sets the monk on edge. _He _should be in control, _he _should be the one to push things from one level to the next, _he _should be the one who is confident and unafraid.  
  
But none of that is true.  
  
"Goku, stop." Sanzo instructs, ceasing his own movements and applying more of his full weight to force the monkey to stop as well. "We...we should stop."  
  
Goku replies to this with obvious hurt flashing through his eyes, but he allows Sanzo to still him. When Sanzo rolls away, back to his own side of the bed, Goku props himself up on his side, refusing to merely leave things be, even if he isn't going to protest such a cruel secession.  
  
Slowly, Sanzo's breathing returns to normal, and when the monk finally seems to have cooled himself down, he turns to address Goku's expectant attention. "Don't look at me like that. It's just...I've never done this before. I've never even FELT this before." he admits. Goku has always assumed as much, and Sanzo knows the same is true for Goku, but...to admit being a novice at anything is a blow to Sanzo's pride. "I've never touched anyone. I've never loved anyone...like this. I...love you, Goku. I do love you..."  
  
The understanding expression on Goku's face melts into shock. Sanzo has never said that to him. Never. Not after his own confession. Not after their more heated kiss. Not until now.  
  
"And...I don't want to spoil this." Sanzo finishes, not masking that he has just declared love, but not lingering, either, for fear of feeling trapped by it. "It's different with us than with Gojyo and Hakkai. For us, it's a beginning. For them...well, it's about time. But we need MORE time. _I _need more time...alright?"  
  
Hormones and fantasies aside, Goku understands where Sanzo is coming from. Wherever they had been about to go, there will be plenty more opportunities to get there. Their love is still new, unfamiliar, and both would hate to ruin the adventure before it even begins.  
  
Settling in beside each other, both are already exhausted with lack of sleep the night before--the sun just beginning to rise now--and they are content to lay in each other's arms.

They are silent for a moment, until Goku's heart can no longer keep quiet. 'Thank you, Sanzo, for saying...you love me. I've wanted to hear it for so long.'  
  
With Goku's head tucked under his chin, Sanzo allows a small smile, knowing the saru can't see it.  
  
'I didn't expect to hear it back when I first said it to you, but...but I wanted to hear it. I know you said you felt the same way, but...that's not the same as actually saying it. It just...means so much to me.'  
  
"You're so noisy." Sanzo comments, without even the smallest touch of annoyance or anger in his tone. "So noisy...even when you can't speak. How did I get stuck with hearing your call, hmm? Must be some form of punishment."  
  
Goku raises his head just enough to stick his tongue out in Sanzo's face, and then curls back into his cozy position. 'Meanie...'  
  
Sanzo's smile broadens. It is more than enough for them to merely drift asleep, their passions stilled, and their hearts full of possibility.

That is all they can ask for.

tbc...  
  
A/N: K, next chapter will be for Gojyo and Hakkai and then I will wrap things up. Hope you're still enjoying, and thanks so much to EVERYONE. You have no idea how much you make my day.  
  
Crim


	15. Fifteen

He can see everything--the blood seeping from Sanzo's wound, the terrifying length of his own claws eager to cause more damage, the sight of Goku standing at the door with Sanzo's gun. It is all happening again, instant replay, punishment. He must relive the horror he inflicted. He must remember the pain he caused.  
  
He is back in the moment all over again, feeling the same hunger he had felt...  
  
Hakkai grins and removes his hand from Sanzo's side, standing to address the young man who has just burst in through the door. "Such a loyal pet..." he laughs. "...coming here...to join his master in death..."  
  
Squaring his footing, Hakkai no longer has reservations to keep him from killing Goku, and he launches himself forward, knowing the young brunette could never pull that trigger.  
  
He doesn't pull the trigger--foolish boy--but instead steps to the side, leaving room for a new figure to take his place. The second that figure is in view, Hakkai stops dead, his claws dropping to his sides in disbelieving shock.  
  
Gojyo.

The kappa looks so pained, so intent on speaking in order to turn Hakkai back from the darkened path he has begun to follow. But before he can speak, Goku rushes forward, hoping to bypass Hakkai on his way to the injured monk lying on the floor.  
  
Now, now, Hakkai couldn't possibly allow that.  
  
Goku runs unthinkingly forward, believing Hakkai to be immobile and no longer an immediate threat. Goku is wrong. Pulling back one of his clawed hands, Hakkai slams the talons into Goku's chest when the boy comes up beside him, the sickening crunch of his cracking ribs filling the quiet of the room.  
  
While Gojyo stares on in humbling disbelief, Hakkai reels back and tosses Goku to the side to slam with shuddering ferocity into the wall, before crumbling in a rag-doll heap to the ground.

Now, there is only Gojyo--Goku and Sanzo both on the verge of death without immediate care--and Hakkai is not backing down.  
  
Gojyo speaks, but Hakkai hears nothing. Gojyo holds up his hands in defense as Hakkai slowly approaches him, but Hakkai pays no mind. The cause is lost; Hakkai knows only his lust and thirst for blood. Rivers of blood would not be enough, could never be enough, to satisfy him now.  
  
Once he is only a few feet from Gojyo's frightened stance in the doorway, Hakkai leaps, knocking Gojyo back to send them both to the floor, with Hakkai pinning the redhead to the ground. Gojyo speaks again and again, but still, Hakkai hears not a word. He strikes...and a new shade of red is splashed across Gojyo's face. Again...and Gojyo is screaming.

Again and again Hakkai slashes and claws, leaving nothing but a bloodied mess he would not recognize even for all the tangles of red hair, now so much darker.  
  
Gone. All of them. In a flash of raging strikes, Hakkai has slew them all, even the one he had only meant to save...  
  
---  
  
"NO!" Hakkai screams, so loudly, every neighbor still in bed with the barely rising sun must have surely been woken by the sound. "No! Forgive me! I...I never wanted...Gojyo...oh, gods, please...please no..."  
  
But Gojyo is right there to push Hakkai back down--the brunette having bolted upright, his eyes wild and unfocused--and the kappa speaks soothing words to bring his dear friend to his senses. "Hey, it's okay. I'm right here, Hakkai. Everything's fine."  
  
Blindly, Hakkai searches above him, his right eye dim without his monocle, and when the final traces of sleep have faded, he focuses in on the face he has longed so much to see again. "G-Gojyo...?" he gasps, breathless as he clings to the arms holding him down. "You're here...you're alive...I didn't...kill you..."  
  
"I'm fine. Of course you didn't kill me." Gojyo replies. "Everyone is fine. Well...Goku was a little spooked and Sanzo's pissier than usual, but--"  
  
"Sanzo!" Hakkai cries suddenly, pushing up against Gojyo's hold. "Oh, gods, I almost killed him! And Goku. I could have ripped him apart. And...the Akaanai...I tore them all to shreds. Gojyo...wh-what have I done...?"  
  
Forcefully, Gojyo pushes Hakkai down again, his features twisting with frustration and barely contained anger. "Stop it, Hakkai. Don't even start with that self-hating bullshit." he barks, stern and unwavering. Hakkai stops his struggling, too taken aback by Gojyo's harsh tone to fight. "It's over, okay. It's done. Leave it alone."  
  
Gojyo releases Hakkai and collapses back into his bedside chair; the last thing he wanted to face and yet knew he would is Hakkai's consistent self-pity.  
  
No words pass between them for a few moments--Hakkai is still shaken by his dream and the events that have passed in the last few hours, and Gojyo is busy cooling himself down. The last thing either of them wants is a fight, but there is little room for compromise when Hakkai is bent on hating himself for his destructive actions and Gojyo refuses to let the man indulge.  
  
"Gojyo...?" Hakkai begins tentatively, after a supposedly proper amount of silence had passed. "Sanzo and Goku are alright?"  
  
"I said they were, didn't I?" Gojyo snaps, though he instantly regrets the lingering bite to his tone. Apologetically, he leans forward to offer his most caring and understanding expression, realizing what a fool he is being for getting so upset. Hakkai forgives him instantly. "They're okay. We're all fine, Hakkai. And you don't have to worry about any of us being weird around you, coz you know we'd never hold what happened against you. It's kinda flattering, if ya think about it." he adds, looking coyly at Hakkai from under his lashes. "I mean, you went all psycho just for me. Lost all sense because you thought I was dead, and couldn't be reached until I came back into the picture. A guy might get the wrong impression after a display like that."  
  
"Wrong impression?" Hakkai repeats, raising an eyebrow as he slowly eases into playing along. "So it's the wrong impression for you to think I love you more than my own sanity or life? That I love you more than _life _itself?"  
  
"Oh, it isn't?" Gojyo grins, leaning further over the bed, his face hovering just above Hakkai's. "Thank the gods for that. You damn well better love me for all the trouble I've been put through watching over you. Not to mention soothing your damn rat of a pet."  
  
Hakkai's face draws a blank, his still weak smile instantly lost. "Pet...?"  
  
"Kyu! Kyu!" Hakuryuu cries, appearing from the floor--previously hidden from Hakkai's view--where a little bed had been made for him after Gojyo's legs unfortunately fell asleep. "Kyuu!"  
  
"Hakuryuu!" Hakkai exclaims happily, sitting up to pull the dragon in for a tender hug. This time, Gojyo knows there is no need to push the brunette back down again. "Oh, Hakuryuu, I'm so happy you're alright. The Akaanai's illusions were so real. You...almost cut in two...dead in my arms. I could never imagine losing you like that."  
  
Chirping happily, Hakuryuu allows Hakkai's too firm squeeze, and soaks in every bit of praise. He had been equally worried about his master, after all.  
  
Gojyo watches the exchange with a small quirk of a smile, musing over how the scene is something far too similar to that of a father welcoming back his lost son.  
  
Eventually, Hakkai releases Hakuryuu and allows the dragon to hop beside him to sit on his pillow, while Hakkai sits up with most of the pillow at his back. They are their happy little family again, and all the better for it.  
  
"_I _get the angst and _he _gets the affection? What happened to the 'I love you more than life' crap?" Gojyo teases, crossing his arms as he leans back in his chair.  
  
Hakkai smiles. "Well, if you'd get in bed where you belong, you wouldn't be complaining." he jests back, humoring his friend's position, but underlying his statement with a look of obvious invitation.  
  
Once again, Gojyo is not a man to be told twice.  
  
In one swift movement, Gojyo slings his shirt off into a far corner, and then nudges Hakkai aside, slipping into bed. Hakuryuu is still on the edge of Hakkai's pillow, but Hakkai finds himself pulled in against Gojyo, leaving that pillow behind.  
  
In noting Gojyo's clothing choice--his cotton pants for bed--Hakkai looks down at his own clothes. He is wearing his own cotton pants along with an oversized, black nightshirt. The state of his day clothes he can only imagine, and he hopes they are somewhere far away, being scrubbed clean of the filth and crime he had accumulated during his rampage.  
  
"Gojyo...?" Hakkai whispers, his head on the kappa's chest as he twirls his fingers through a particularly vibrant strand of ruby hair. "I know you want this to all be forgiven and forgotten...but for that to happen...I have to say...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so...out of control. I don't know how to face Sanzo and Goku after this. I know you're right when you say they won't hold it against me, but...but I tried to kill them. I said such horrible things and caused them both so much pain--"  
  
"Cut it out, already." Gojyo breaks in, gripping Hakkai around the shoulders. "I forgive you, and tomorrow, so will they. Don't think about it. No one else got hurt. The Akaanai deserved every blow you dealt them and none of the dimwit townspeople even realized the youkai attacking them was you. Now, if ya wanna cry on my shoulder, you go right ahead, but if you cling to this...I swear I'm gonna beat you senseless, ya hear me? I just want you to be happy, and dwelling on something that's never gonna change is no way to find happiness."  
  
"No. You're right. Happiness is what I find here...with you..." Hakkai concedes, and lifts his head just enough to peck Gojyo's cheek. "All the happiness in the world is right here...and I won't let anything take that away from me."  
  
Gojyo can't help smiling, despite his anxieties concerning how Hakkai will one day react to his actual death. But that is long in coming, he has decided, and there is much more that can be done in place of worrying.  
  
Pulling a little on Hakkai's shoulders, Gojyo shifts the slighter man so that he is lying face-up, half on top of him, and settles Hakkai's brown head just under his chin. Hakkai is completely compliant to his whims, still groggy and bursting with contentment at being able to rest next to Gojyo at all.  
  
But Gojyo is in no mood for resting.  
  
Expertly subtle, the redhead begins to glide his left hand down the front of Hakkai's chest, applying just the right amount of pressure along the firm muscles beneath the brunette's shirt. He does not stop his descent when he reaches the waist of Hakkai's pants, doesn't even lose a step, but instead, slips that hand boldly beneath the elastic and fluidly reaches all the way to the prize  
  
Hakkai gasps. He had curiously noted Gojyo's trailing touch, but wasn't entirely sure how far the kappa would go. Granted, only hours before this they had been quite intent on pushing their relationship right off the deep end into the next level, but...that was before the chaos. That was before Hakkai lost control and threatened the lives of his dearest friends.  
  
"Gojyo...wh-what...?"  
  
"Shhh..." Gojyo breathes beside Hakkai's ear, sending a new wave of chills through the brunette's rapidly heating body. Then...Gojyo's well-placed hand begins to move.  
  
His fingers are experts at applying just the right amount of pressure in their caresses, and they move slowly down the shaft of Hakkai's most sensitive skin, encircling everything before moving back up--teasing, aching. They continue their assault, pumping at the extremity becoming so stiff at his touch, while his other hand moves to slips under the waist of Hakkai's pants as well, giving attention to Hakkai's hips, massaging deep into the groves.  
  
Hakkai's hands clutch back at the sheets--déjà vu--and his breathing picks up pace, gasping, pleading. _He _had been the one to inflict such pleasure before, but now...now..._he _is the one being granted the rush, the marvelous feeling of Gojyo loving him with a touch.  
  
"Uh...ahhh...G-Gojyo...should we be...d-doing this...?"  
  
Gojyo's hand does not let up, switching from feather-light...to brutal...and back again, while Hakkai, completely at his mercy, gives a soft cry of pleasured pain. "You were pretty damn eager before, ya know? Besides...I'm sick of getting interrupted. Who knows how soon Sanzo's gonna want to be on the road again, and then who knows when we'll reach another town with two or more rooms for us to be alone in. None of the shit that's happened makes a damn bit of difference. I want you, Hakkai, and I want you now..."  
  
If the movement of Gojyo's hand wasn't already enough to bend Hakkai's will, the sultry, won't-take-no-for-an-answer tone of the kappa's voice banishes every last thought of dissention.  
  
Gojyo's digits never miss a beat, one hand digging deep into the nerves at Hakkai's hips, the other stroking between his legs, and all the while, Hakkai's breathing is becoming more shuddering and loud, until his gasps seem loud enough to wake the dead with the dawn.  
  
"Itai!" Gojyo cries suddenly, his hands unfairly pulling from Hakkai's pants to reach up and clutch back at his head.

Fluttering above him, Hakuryuu has just yanked at Gojyo's hair, and isn't looking all too happy with what is going on between the kappa and his master. "Kyuu! Kyu! Kyu!" Hakuryuu chirps angrily, darting his beak at Gojyo threateningly as he hovers around their heads.  
  
"Ow! Quit it, you flying rat!" Gojyo barks, covering his head with his arms. "Hakkai, will you call him off already!? He's trying to kill me!"  
  
"Hakuryuu, that's enough!" Hakkai commands, sitting up after having stabilized his nerves and erratic breaths. "Come here." he speaks gently, gathering the small dragon into his arms. "Now, what is the meaning of this? You like Gojyo. Why attack him?"  
  
"Kyu! Kyu, kyuuu!"  
  
"Oh. It seems...he thought you were trying to cause me injury." Hakkai chuckles, biting back an all-out laugh.  
  
"Don't you dare find this funny!" Gojyo growls, still favoring the back of his head, and sitting up beside Hakkai to glare at the spoiled pet in his friend's arms. "I try to be smooth and confident and make the first move, and he goes and interrupts. What was I just saying about that!? Is it so much to ask to want to fuck the man you love?"  
  
Hakuryuu's little, white body tenses, and he falls into a string of rapid chirps.  
  
"What now?" Gojyo groans.  
  
Hakkai, however, is endlessly patient as he explains. "Yes, Hakuryuu, Gojyo and I are in love, and we've been trying to be...intimate with one another for quite some time now, without success. I don't mean to put you out, of course, but--"  
  
"Kyu, kyuu!"  
  
"Why thank you. You're so thoughtful."  
  
Hakuryuu suddenly darts from Hakkai's arms to sit on Gojyo's lap, and the dragon nuzzles the redhead's chest in apology, ashamed for having jumped to conclusions. Then, after Gojyo abashedly accepts Hakuryuu's affection, the dear creature suddenly flies out the open window into the dawn.  
  
"Hakuryuu is very sorry about your hair." Hakkai explains, fully composed again, even after so recent an excursion. "Also, he said he would be happy to give us some privacy, and went to see if Sanzo and Goku's window might be open for him to sleep in there."  
  
Without a word, Gojyo reaches over between Hakkai's legs with a firm grip. Hakkai yelps, and Gojyo is happy to discover the brunette is still very hard. Well, he had damn well better be, the kappa muses.  
  
"Ano...you said something about wanting to fuck the man you love, ne?" Hakkai grins, swallowing deeply to try and overcome the presence of Gojyo's hand. "But how about letting the man you love fuck you?"  
  
"Still set on that, huh?" Gojyo asks with a sly smirk, not yet removing his hand from its very content spot.  
  
Hakkai takes that hand, however, and moves it for him, reaching over to take the other as well and placing both at the hem of his shirt. "Yes. Now, if you would be so kind..."  
  
Gojyo's dominating hopes are dashed, but he isn't about to complain. He grips the bottom of Hakkai's nightshirt, and when the brunette raises his arms, he jerks it up and off, tossing it backwards onto the floor. Gojyo then reaches towards the waist of Hakkai's pants.  
  
"You first." Hakkai instructs, stopping Gojyo's advance. "Lie down and remove them...slowly."  
  
Damn, Hakkai really is a dominatrix, but Gojyo doesn't have the willpower to stop now. Happy to comply, he lies back and shifts his hips from side to side as he wiggles free, slipping his black, cotton pants down, revealing every hidden inch, until finally kicking them to the floor.  
  
This time, Gojyo knows to wait to be instructed before making another move, and indeed, Hakkai isn't one to disappoint. The brunette lies down next to Gojyo, propped up on his side. "Now...remove mine."  
  
Turning onto his own side now, Gojyo stares straight ahead into Hakkai's emeralds as his hands grip the waist of the brunette's pants and begin to tug them down. He doesn't look away from Hakkai's face once as he slips the pants free, not even when he has to lean down to retrieve them from being trapped around Hakkai's ankles before tossing them to join his on the floor.  
  
Gojyo is hesitant to pass his gaze over Hakkai's body. It isn't that he hasn't seen Hakkai naked before--the hot tub incident aside, they had lived together for over three years--but the look on Hakkai's face is one so much a mixture of passion and vulnerability, he doesn't want the brunette to be scared off.  
  
Besides, Gojyo has never gotten this good of a look before, and he has a very strong feeling he is about to be envious.  
  
He passes his gaze down. "Damn." he gapes, his suspicions well-founded as he takes in the entirety of the sight before him. "You're too beautiful for your own good, ya know that? I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off you the rest of this journey."  
  
"I have no problem with that." Hakkai grins back, and in a flurry of limbs, he suddenly has Gojyo pinned beneath him, their bodies pressed tight together. "I want every inch of you...and I'm going to be wanting it for many more nights than this one." Hakkai dips down, capturing Gojyo's lips for the first time since the kiss they had shared while he was still youkai.  
  
The movement of Hakkai's tongue inside Gojyo's mouth reminds the kappa a little too much of where else that tongue has been, and he finds himself becoming just as hard as the man on top of him.  
  
When Hakkai pulls back, the brunette seems very pleased with the reaction he has caused. "Gods, I want you..." he speaks huskily, digging his hands into Gojyo's fiery hair. "I want...I want to..." Hakkai suddenly stops and lifts up, looking down at Gojyo sheepishly. "Oh dear. I hate to have to say this again, Gojyo, but--"  
  
"Top drawer." Gojyo cuts in, brimming with perhaps a little too much confidence.  
  
Hakkai looks at him warily, but then reaches over to pry open the end table's top drawer where he discovers just what he had been thinking about: a bottle of massage oil.  
  
"I picked it up." Gojyo explains. "Not that I was being presumptuous! I was just...being presumptuous."  
  
"Have I mentioned how much I love your hentai mind?"  
  
"Not recently."  
  
A moment of shared smiles, and then...laughter. Such perfect, equal laughter. Every time a couple makes love, the moments before should be filled with laughter. After all, true laughter is merely joy given a voice.  
  
"So...how do you want me?" Gojyo winks, quirking a half-smirk at his companion.  
  
"Hmmm...what would be the most comfortable for you?"  
  
"I hate to say it, but...pillow-biting. If I stay like this, I'll end up with my knees at your ears."  
  
Hakkai chuckles, ever the same composed, congenial, young man. "Then...to pick up where we were so rudely interrupted before...on your stomach, please."  
  
To be honest, Gojyo is terrified right now. He has never done this with a man before, and he has certainly never entertained trying it from the recieving end. If it wasn't for the fact that he loves Hakkai more than his cigarettes, or women, or booze, or anything else for that matter, he would probably be running out the door. Or, at the very least, demanding to be seme.  
  
Once Gojyo is on his stomach, his face indeed pressed into the pillow, he feels Hakkai shift, lifting up to better apply the massage oil. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hakkai place the bottle back on the nightstand, and then feels Hakkai's cool, slick hands apply the oil to a part of him he never imagined someone's hands would go.  
  
It is when he begins to feel Hakkai's fingers prodding ever so gently that he realizes he can only handle this if it is all or nothing.  
  
"...cut the formalities...'Kai...I'm ready for you _now_..." he grits out, already gripping the pillow in anticipation.  
  
Hakkai laughs lightly, breathy, and bends his head to kiss at Gojyo's neck. "So impatient..."  
  
"...yeah, yeah...real funny..."  
  
Hakkai laughs again, reaching around Gojyo's hips to hoist the hanyou up, making it more accessible for him to give Gojyo a little of what he had been given a few minutes before. After all, it is the least he can do. At the same time, he pushes his hips forward, teasingly slipping inside, gradual enough to be tenderly brutal.  
  
"Ah!" Gojyo's jaw clenches and he blinks past the initial wave of pain, surrendering to the rolling torrents of pleasure that ascend as Hakkai pushes further, soon so consumed, the brunette's chest is flush against Gojyo's back.  
  
Gojyo is shuddering and breathing so heavily, his gasps pound in his own ears, melding with the softer huffs of Hakkai's breath against the side of his face. Then, Hakkai lifts slightly up and away, before pumping his hips back down again.  
  
"...holy...shit...'Kai...I...oh, gods..."  
  
Hakkai had been about to pump again when Gojyo says this, and is suddenly troubled. "Am I...hurting you...?"  
  
"No...it's just...fuck...I never thought it could be so...incredible..."  
  
This tender admission sets Hakkai back at ease, and he finishes his movement, reeling back to deliver the same force again...and again...and again. "I...love you...so much, Gojyo..." he gasps, his words muffled with his lips pressed hotly into Gojyo's back, his hands still working between Gojyo's legs to ensure he doesn't finish too much sooner than the kappa.  
  
Actually, Hakkai's beautiful hands are far more tender and generous than Gojyo's ever could be, and Gojyo realizes he is about to burst already under the teasing pressure of those caring fingers. With Hakkai's hands pumping in front of him and the brunette's hips pumping behind him, there is no way he could have lasted much longer.  
  
With a great sigh, Gojyo releases, and a moment later, he feels Hakkai do the same, ending with the brunette collapsed exhaustedly on Gojyo's back.

As much as both would like to stay that way, the stickiness of discomfort quickly gets to them, and by some miracle of stamina, they manage to disentangle themselves, wipe off with the bottom sheet they have just soiled before tossing it into a corner of the room, and then fall unceremoniously into bed together, pulling the remaining blankets up around them.  
  
"I've never been so tired..." Hakkai muses, nuzzling Gojyo's neck. "...but it was worth the effort, wouldn't you say?"  
  
"Worth the effort? It was hot, sweaty sex with the man I love. I'd say that's worth just about anything." Gojyo replies.  
  
And it is.  
  
"I love you, Hakkai. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to share something like this with you."  
  
"Luck has nothing to do with it." Hakkai corrects, already drifting off to sleep, despite the rays of sunlight peaking in through their open window. "Fate is in no one's hands but our own, Gojyo, and I intend to keep it that way."  
  
"You have this really weird kick about being in control, doncha?"  
  
"Only a little."  
  
"Yeah, well, I get to drive next time."  
  
"You didn't enjoy things the way they were?"  
  
"Enjoy it? I'm about ready to beg you for another round. Still...gotta keep things equal, right?"  
  
"Absolutely."

tbc...  
  
A/N: Okay, so to reiterate, this is not the last chapter. Things just worked out differently and I still want to write one more, if you don't mind. :-)  
  
Again, I can't thank you enough for all your support. This has been one of the most enjoyable fics I have ever written, and so much of that is thanks to all of you. This time the next chapter WILL be the last. Hope you enjoy it. Ja!  
  
P.S. The Hakuryuu grabbing Gojyo's hair thing was inspired by "Happy Little Family." Go read it!  
  
Crim


	16. Sixteen

Knock. Knock. Knock.  
  
"Wake up, you lazy idiots!!" Sanzo bellows at the door to Gojyo and Hakkai's room. This, of course, is something he has been doing for quite some time now. "It's almost noon, damn it! I want us on the road after lunch no matter what condition we're in, you here me?! So get your good-for-nothing asses--"  
  
"Alright, already!" Gojyo yells in reply, suddenly right in Sanzo's face as he pulls the door open with a look of extreme frustration. He is dressed for the day, but the amount of disarray to his hair proves he has only recently crawled out of bed. "Damn priest." he growls. "Hakkai's in the shower. And before you even start, we're already packed, okay? We'll be out in five."  
  
Sanzo accepts this information, but his characteristic scowl remains plastered in place. "You'd better be." he says, crossing his arms to better assert his authority. "We've wasted enough time here as it is."  
  
"It's been two and a half days, IF that, you dickhead." Gojyo snarls. "Besides...we needed it. We ALL did." he adds, and then pauses to strengthen his smirk before tossing Sanzo a small wink. "You can thank me for the saru later."  
  
Sanzo twitches. "Omae..."  
  
But just then, Goku comes running down the hallway, Hakuryuu perched on his shoulder, and practically rams into the monk as he skids to a stop. The others eye him with varying degrees of amusement and barely contained thoughts of homicide. Goku pays no mind, though, and proudly holds up his whiteboard, which reads 'HAREHETTA' in bold lettering.  
  
"I don't know how he manages to make that more annoying than his voice..." Sanzo begins. "...but somehow, he does."  
  
Gojyo laughs in agreement, Goku sticks out his tongue, and Sanzo, never one to disappoint, rolls his eyes in annoyance.  
  
How he can stand putting up with such fools is almost beyond his imaginings. Of course, when he remembers what he had been doing earlier that morning _with _one of the fools in question...he stops wondering. After all, he is only human, and the fact that Goku isn't does nothing to deter from the monkey's equally enthusiastic sexual appetite.  
  
"One minute, okay?" Gojyo says, once his laughter had died off. He then, immediately, shuts the door in Sanzo's face.  
  
"And ONLY one!!" Sanzo shouts into the wood, having promptly retrieved his mind from the gutter. "Or I'm leaving you both behind!"  
  
Sanzo looks down, having felt a small tug on his sleeve. 'HAREHETTA' stares back at him.  
  
"Oh, will you give it a rest!" Sanzo pleads in exasperation. The sign is then replaced by Goku's adorable pout, and despite his better judgment, the monk feels his resolve weakening under the force of those liquid-gold eyes. "Fine." he sighs, and then turns his attention momentarily back on the door. "I'm going to feed the animal! Meet us in the dining hall!"  
  
A muffled reply from the other side sounds back and Sanzo takes it for affirmation.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
Companionable silence reigns for a few moments as the pair treks down the hallway towards the wafting smell of food, but after a while, Sanzo once again feels that familiar tug on his sleeve.  
  
"Yes, I know you're hungry!" he shouts, before turning his attention on the whiteboard that has been pushed up towards his face.  
  
'I love you.'  
  
Sanzo stumbles in his step. Damn that saru for catching him off guard at every possible turn.  
  
Goku's bright smile peeks from around the sign and he looks up at Sanzo in complete adoration, never once feeling a single shred of fear for rejection or a coarse rebuttal. Well, at least not too coarse a rebuttal.  
  
"Baka." Sanzo whispers, suppressing a smile. He reaches out to ruffle the boy's hair and soon discovers he has a small monkey attached to his arm as they continue towards the dining hall. "I love you, too...saru. Now, quit it with the doe-eyed crap."  
  
Goku laughs--still soundless--and clings to Sanzo's arm all the more tightly, feeling like the luckiest saru in the world.  
  
-----  
  
"Oi, Hakkai! I've got your clothes! The laundress dropped them off after you got in the shower!"  
  
Gojyo is standing just outside the bathroom door with Hakkai's day clothes folded in his arms--along with the monocle, headband, and sash he had collected from the Akaanai's camp. The shower has just turned off and he figures the brunette will be scavenging for something to wear.  
  
The door opens and Hakkai steps out--hair damp and clinging to his forehead, with only a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. He smiles in appreciation at his friend before taking the clothing from Gojyo's arms. "Thank you, Gojyo." he smiles, and just as suddenly as he had appeared, he disappears back into the bathroom.  
  
(Think unsexy thoughts, Gojyo.) the kappa chants, turning away from the bathroom with a very flushed face at the sight he had just been granted. (You gotta survive God knows how many hours with the saru, and the last thing anybody wants is for you to jump the poor kid while Hakkai's still driving.)  
  
Gojyo's thoughts are meant mainly in jest, of course, but the force of his racing pulse is very real.  
  
A few minutes later, Hakkai appears from the bathroom looking as fresh and put together as ever. How he can always manage that, even after so little sleep and such...strenuous exercise...only a few hours earlier, is something Gojyo may never fully understand.  
  
"Was that Sanzo I heard yelling before?" the brunette asks, meticulously packing up the last of his things.  
  
"Who else. He took Goku to get some food and said for us to meet up with them pronto."  
  
Hakkai nods. "We'd better go then." And he slings his pack over his shoulder as he heads for the door.  
  
Gojyo, too, has his pack, but calls after Hakkai before the other man can get too far ahead of him. "One thing..."  
  
"Yes? What is--"  
  
But the brunette isn't granted the opportunity to finish. Gojyo has grabbed him by the shoulders and kisses him within a sudden, sweet embrace. "Love you." the kappa sighs, after reluctantly pulling away.  
  
Hakkai feels dizzy, the whole world spinning deliciously around them. "Dear, Gojyo." he smiles, leaning in to press yet another swift kiss to the taller man's lips. "...love you back..."  
  
-----  
  
A few minutes after leaving their room, Hakkai and Gojyo approach the dining hall. Most of the residents have already had their lunch and seem to be quickly exiting, but certain distinctive sounds indicate there may be other reasons for causing such hasty retreats.  
  
Whack! Whack! "Save some for the rest of us, bakazaru!"  
  
As they enter, Hakkai smiles broadly at the empty room. Well, empty save the blonde and brunette fighting over a particular dumpling. "My, my, it is nice to know things are back to normal." he comments, crossing the room with an almost imperceptible hesitation in his step. He still wears his smile, but it is strained--uncertain.  
  
There is a moment of great tension, as if no one really knows what to say. After all, Gojyo is the only one who has seen or spoken to Hakkai since the brunette woke up. Before that...well, none of them cares to think about the events before now.  
  
Hakkai and Gojyo reach the table, Hakkai's fingers twitching oddly at his sides. Before anyone can think of what to say, someone without the ability to say anything gives exactly the correct response. Goku leaps from his chair and practically tackles Hakkai on the spot, hugging his older friend as desperately as he would embrace a long lost brother.  
  
"Goku..." Hakkai smiles. "...it's good to see you, too." And he returns that hug zealously, cherishing the feel of such caring arms around his waist. "I hope you can forgive me for the way I behaved. I feel...so terrible about the things I said and did."  
  
The younger brunette doesn't even pause to think; he looks up into Hakkai's eyes and nods furiously, all too eager to put everything behind them. The only thing that matters is having all of them together again.  
  
Goku releases Hakkai after that and hops back to his chair to once again attend to the remaining food on his over-flowing plate.  
  
Leaning in close to Hakkai from behind, Gojyo whispers. "What did I tell ya." And then claims his own seat, dishing up as much food as he can before Goku has the opportunity to whisk away any more.  
  
Hakkai joins them, taking a seat beside Sanzo. He tries to get himself to feel at ease, knowing that an apology is the last thing the monk would want for himself, but he soon gives up. "Ano...Sanzo..."  
  
"Don't make me warn you again about saying stupid things." the monk retorts, cutting off any attempt Hakkai might have had at offering what he had meant to say. "Just eat. As soon as we're done, we're leaving."  
  
Not knowing yet how to challenge that, Hakkai stays silent, and soon fills his plate, though he ends up feeding a number of scraps to Hakuryuu from under the table.  
  
The meal goes as any would, with much arguing over food and much pleasant laughter. When they have finally finished--or rather, when Goku finally consents to stopping--the four gather together and pack their things in the jeep, preparing to head out once more for the road.  
  
While Gojyo and Goku wait outside, Sanzo and Hakkai finish checking out.  
  
"Thank you so much for moving us here to help with our friend's recovery." Hakkai smiles warmly at the clerk, handing over the keys to their rooms and lockers. "We had a wonderful stay."  
  
"Oh, it was no trouble at all. I'm just sorry about that sudden youkai attack. Thank goodness no one was hurt."  
  
Hakkai does his best to hide how he flinches at the reminder. "Yes...thank goodness..."  
  
Having retrieved his credit card after paying, Sanzo stands irritably behind Hakkai, and addresses the brunette with obvious impatience. "Let's go."  
  
A quick goodbye and a slight bow later, the brunette is following Sanzo to the door. Before the monk can exit, however, Hakkai grabs his arm, holding him back. "Chotto matte, Sanzo. May I...say something?"  
  
"If it's an apology, you can save it. I don't need to hear one." Sanzo replies, not even bothering to turn and face the man behind him.  
  
"Please..."  
  
Damn. Hakkai's voice is so plaintive, so...needy, IN need of something Sanzo refuses to give. Still, that soft tone is something he cannot ignore. "...what?" he finally concedes, and with veiled eyes, he painstakingly looks back into the emeralds of his friend.  
  
"The last thing I'd ever want is to hurt you." the brunette expresses, having released Sanzo's arm, though the force of his gaze is far stronger than any grip ever could be.  
  
Sanzo sneers. "Oh, really? Well, then I guess the last thing was exactly what you wanted."  
  
There is an awkward pause, electrified by the continued strain of violet and green eyes locked on each other.

Finally, Sanzo has no choice but to give in. "Look...you'd never betray me. I told you that once before."  
  
"Yes. Yes, I know that, but--"  
  
"You healed the damage you caused, didn't you?"  
  
"Well...yes, but--"  
  
"No, Hakkai." the blonde growls, stamping his foot in frustration. "It's over. It's done. Leave it alone, already."  
  
_'It's over, okay? It's done. Leave it alone.'_  
  
The similarity in those phrases strikes Hakkai as excruciatingly funny, and suddenly, he is smiling. "You know, Sanzo, you and Gojyo can be an awfully lot alike."  
  
Though almost anyone else would have smiled in kind, Sanzo glares. "You better take that back."  
  
Genuinely and easy, Hakkai laughs, and the slight silence that follows isn't awkward at all. "Sanzo..." the brunette begins, after the quiet had run its course. "...for what it's worth, I am sorry. You mean...a great deal to me."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Sanzo wonders if all this newfound honesty within the group won't someday be its downfall. "Save the heartfelt shit for the cockroach, okay?"  
  
"Oh, I will." Hakkai promises, and Sanzo has no doubts as to whether or not he is speaking the truth.  
  
Pushing out of the bathhouse doors, Sanzo and Hakkai finally begin making their way to the jeep, where Goku and Gojyo are waiting. While they are still out of hearing range of the others, Sanzo suddenly pauses in his step and speaks without turning to look Hakkai in the face.  
  
"Hakkai...thanks."  
  
A moment later, Sanzo is in his usual seat and Hakkai is eagerly climbing behind the wheel with a smile bright enough to rival every one before it. "So...where to, minna?" he asks, starting the engine with a glorious purr.  
  
"Anywhere with a comfy bed." Gojyo drawls, still groggy from such little sleep the night before.  
  
Goku sticks his whiteboard between the seats. 'Anywhere with good food.'  
  
Hakkai chuckes.  
  
"You know where we're going, Hakkai." Sanzo breaks in, seemingly unamused. "West."  
  
Where else?  
  
"Hai, hai." Hakkai agrees, and with a rumble of the engine and a slight lurch forward, they speed off into the waiting desert to continue along their journey.  
  
After a few minutes of blissful, tired silence, Goku taps Hakkai's shoulder and once again holds up his whiteboard. 'How much longer til I get my voice back?' it reads, the young man's face utterly serious. His ability to talk--endlessly, in some cases--is something very dear to his heart.  
  
"You will most likely be able to speak lightly by the end of the week." Hakkai explains. "But your voice won't return to its full power for at least two."  
  
"All for the best, if you ask me." Sanzo puts in. "And quit sticking that thing in Hakkai's face. Do you _want _to get us into an accident?"  
  
Though this is something that once would have caused Goku to recoil or shout in anger, the monkey merely grins and sets his whiteboard down on the floor. Leaning forward, he encircles his arms around Sanzo's seat to grip the monk's chest, and the side of his head presses against blonde hair as he begins to lick at an inviting earlobe.  
  
"Stop that!" Sanzo hisses, though his struggling falls--surprisingly--short.  
  
Ignoring the others, Gojyo leans forward to address Hakkai. "So...any towns up ahead, or are we stuck with the jeep for the next few nights?"  
  
"We should reach a town by nightfall." Hakkai offers.  
  
"Good..." the kappa grins, leaning in closer to whisper. "...coz you make me way too frisky..."  
  
Hakkai shares Gojyo's grin as the redhead sits back, imagining all the ways he can mend that in the future.  
  
"I said, cut it out!" Sanzo yells, at last succeeding in fending Goku off after pulling his gun.  
  
Goku sits back, and Sanzo puts the offending weapon away even after the boy defiantly winks at him. Truthfully, the young brunette is happy to comply as he settles into his seat, because he knows Sanzo enjoyed the attention, and he hopes it will give the monk many evil thoughts to entertain before they reach that next town.  
  
Shaking his head in a mass of rippling red, Gojyo nudges Goku with his elbow. "So...get your rocks off yet, saru?"  
  
Goku replies with a shrug somewhere between affirmation and feelings of disappointment.  
  
"Holding out on ya, huh?"  
  
"I can hear you back there." Sanzo warns, but he is promptly ignored.  
  
"You'll wear him down." Gojyo winks. And, honestly, he believes it.  
  
Reaching down to retrieve his set-aside whiteboard, Goku writes out a simple 'You?' in response, and holds it up for Gojyo to read.  
  
The kappa doesn't say anything, but the grin he answers with is answer enough. "Thanks, by the way." he adds, bending his head to hush their conversation. "This is all coz of you, and I'm not gonna forget it. Hey, I even quite smoking. Don't know how long it's gonna last, but...it's a start, right? And ya know what else?"

Goku watches curiously as Gojyo pulls out that almost forgotten journal from his back pocket.

"I don't need this anymore." And with that said, he chucks the book back over his head to disappear into the clouds of dirt turned up by Hakuryuu's wheels.  
  
Goku gives his soundless laugh, and writes, 'Silly kappa.'  
  
"Silly saru." Gojyo teases back, ruffling the younger man's mess of soft, brown hair, before settling back into a position that suggests he intends to sleep.  
  
Deciding that is probably a very good idea considering how little sleep he, too, got last night, Goku settles in on his own side, staring forward for a moment at the blonde seated in front of him before allowing his eyes to close.  
  
(Yep, I'm silly all right.) he thinks happily. (But this silly saru just made the journey a whole lot more interesting...)  
  
While three fatigued companions drift off for some much-needed rest, their driver continues on, carrying them further and further...into the West.  
  
owari  
  
A/N: Wow. That was one of the most enjoyable fics I have ever written. With so much support and so many different directions I wanted to go, I fulfilled a lot of fantasies for the Saiyuki boys. I really can't thank all of you enough.  
  
Sorchafyre, the review you gave for Ch.14 was so heartwarming. :-) Fanfiction has been my outlet for improving my writing for years, and the cake was much appreciated. Especially since it was virtual, being I'm on a diet. :-P  
  
There are too many people to thank for being diligent reviewers and for such kind encouragement. Also, the way people have corrected me, or given their opinions, or just given good criticism, has been so wonderful. I really do take into account what you say and do my best to improve  
  
Well, as sad as I am to see this fic finished, I am glad at the same time. I hope it ended well for everyone. I believe that all Saiyuki fics should end in the jeep, because almost every ep ends that way. It brings the boys back to who they really are, and that is important to me. Thanks again everyone, and see ya next ficcie, whatever that may be.  
  
Crimson


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